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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why did he lie?

61 replies

KinkyAfro · 02/08/2017 15:15

I had to ring my not so DP earlier, asked what he was up to and could he talk. He told me he was on a site about 60 miles from where we live but I knew he was at home as a friend of mine asked how come he was at home as she saw him getting out of his van outside the house - this is unusual as he works away a lot. So I asked him again where he was and he said on the site so I said if I were to pull into the avenue now his van wouldn't be there and he said no! I then said that *** had seen him outside the house a few minutes ago and he then said that he's home now but had been on that site earlier today.

I was off work on Monday, was just enjoying some time to myself before he came home and he turned up at 14.30, said he'd finished for the day. It's left me wondering what time he actually finishes work each day, especially when I hear him moaning and groaning about his long days. Don't get me wrong, I don't actually give a shit what time he finishes but why would he lie to me today, I feel really uneasy about it.

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Original poster
KinkyAfro · 02/08/2017 17:03

I totally understand that myheart but he never starts the dinner when he's home first anyway and I don't give him lists of stuff to do, I'm not his mum.

Lot of not nice assumptions about me on here but it's AIBU so I shouldn't be surprised

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AcrossthePond55 · 02/08/2017 17:03

Maybe he just wanted some 'down time' to be alone and not accountable to anyone for what he's doing? We all need that, you know.

Original poster
KinkyAfro · 02/08/2017 17:06

I'd like to say he's definitely going to work in the mornings, I've had no reason to think otherwise. Like I said he's driving the work van and has just had a promotion so......

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GlitteryFluff · 02/08/2017 17:10

I second the down time thing. Maybe he just needed some free time.
I know if DH finished work early I'd be all 'oh can you do X y and z seeing as you've got time!' So I bet he doesn't always tell me if he gets home early.
Obviously could be something else though.

Original poster
KinkyAfro · 02/08/2017 17:11

Possibly across and that's totally fine, fair play to him but he doesn't need to lie.

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swingofthings · 02/08/2017 17:11

Maybe since he's been promoted, he has more freedom....to skive. He doesn't want to you know because deep inside, he is ashamed and what he doesn't want his boss to know, he doesn't want you to know either!

peachgreen · 02/08/2017 17:13

Across It's perfectly possible to get alone time / downtime without lying to your wife about where you are though

bigmac4me · 02/08/2017 17:13

It's very interesting that you instinctively believe your friend rather than your DP. I know, for instance, I would always believe my DP. Maybe the fact you didn't believe yours means you already had unconscious suspicions that "something" was up. Just a thought anyway.

Original poster
KinkyAfro · 02/08/2017 17:16

Lol glittery I don't ask him to do stuff really as there's only us two and he's away more often that not so I pretty much do it anyway. He starts really early and when he's home it's usually late. I struggle to keep my eyes open after 9.30 as I have an early start too and he's a night owl so he stays up until gone midnight

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Original poster
KinkyAfro · 02/08/2017 17:18

Well she saw him going into the house bigmac, don't know why she'd lie about that. And if you read my OP he did say he was at home when I asked him again

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caffeinestream · 02/08/2017 17:29

I only mention the going to work thing, because of threads I've seen on here. People who've faked jobs for weeks/months because they're too scared to tell their partner they've been sacked.

There are also plenty of threads from people who've seen random cars parked up outside, and the unanimous response is normally "I bet they're pretending to go to work in the mornings and need somewhere to go all day".

However, if he's using a company van and has just been promoted, is it possible his promotion just means more flexibility and better hours?

Original poster
KinkyAfro · 02/08/2017 17:30

Quite possibly caffeine, here's hoping

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caffeinestream · 02/08/2017 17:32

Mostly these things have innocent explanations - it could be anything! More flexibility due to his promotion, he wasn't feeling well, he fancied an afternoon off, maybe he had the dentist and decided not to go back to work after, or maybe a job got cancelled.

I doubt it's anything sinister :)

dragonwarrior · 02/08/2017 18:05

My Dad reckons he gets home around 2 and does paperwork but twice recently he has got home before midday and found me there working in the office and been startled. Do ai think my Sad is having an affair? No! I think he just gets home earlier at times and has a sneaky snooze! 😂😂

Original poster
KinkyAfro · 02/08/2017 18:12

Dullest update ever

He's just called, said he had to call at home as his stomach was a bit off and he was between jobs. Said he didn't know why he lied, he cant explain it...his words.

Bonkers really, we have a good relationship, rarely argue, have time to ourselves, our own hobbies, socialise together and apart. No idea why he felt he had to lie about the shits

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FeralBeryl · 02/08/2017 19:27

Grin see - communication, all you need. And before anyone came to suggest you go through his phone...

I often sneak home for a secret hour. I have no need to sneak, the kids are sorted, DH really wouldn't be arsed, I work incredibly hard, long and unsociable hours so he wouldn't begrudge me. I try and get in without the neighbours seeing me for extra furtive points.
It's just the 'teehee' edness of it all. I mainly eat cheese and do a bit of MNing or look at the wall but it's just fun. Think maybe it's reminiscent of bunking off school for the afternoon?

NewRoadToHappinessxx · 02/08/2017 19:37

If he has an iPhone share your locations with each other and then you can check his movements all day long :-)

My ex turned mine on while I wasn't in possession of my phone. Ex is all I need to say x

ScarletForYa · 02/08/2017 19:37

Nah, I wouldn't believe that.

NewRoadToHappinessxx · 02/08/2017 19:38

Although I'd be concerned about being with someone who's first instinct is to lie when he has no reason to!

Sushi123 · 02/08/2017 19:39

Sorry, I couldn't accept his flimsy explanation. He's still lying!

Bluntness100 · 02/08/2017 19:46

I wouldn't believe that either, I'm sorry, looks like he's trying to justify it.

I also think he's lazy and was worried you'd ask him to do stuff or start dinner, so lied.

I hate liars, it's a really unattractive trait in a person and destroys trust, especially when they bare face lie about the small stuff.

He lied repeatedly to you and only when he knew he'd been seen did he come clean. He then paused for a while and decided having the shits would be a good excuse. What man doesn't like to tell everyone they are ill? He's absolutely lying again.

I'd wonder what else he was lying about because I would very much doubt it's a one off or his first time and I'd guess it was habitual.

Fruitcorner123 · 02/08/2017 19:47

MyheartbelongstoG sad that you feel the need to lie to your partner to get down time. Can't you just say, "I have booked the afternoon off tomorrow cos want some time to myself"

If my partner gave me a list of jobs for my days off I would laugh at him. I'm perfectly capable of managing my own time and prioritising what needs doing.

Fairenuff · 02/08/2017 19:54

He's still lying to you.

Original poster
KinkyAfro · 02/08/2017 20:01

I don't have any desire to check up on him all day long I just don't like being lied to!

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Original poster
KinkyAfro · 02/08/2017 20:06

Exactly fruitcorner I don't assign jobs, I'm not his boss or his mum and he wouldn't expect me to do jobs if I got in early. There's the occasional time I finish early and I like to come home and do fuck all for a couple of hours. Difference is though I'd tell him

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