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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel depressed at financial talk on MN?

391 replies

FluffyPotato · 02/08/2017 14:48

I understand that people sometimes have to talk salaries for context but I think some people just like to throw out numbers so that they show their middle class status to the rest of MN.

A thread I've just seen 'DH works 30 hours a week earning 60k' and someone commenting 'oh my DH earns 100k'.

I work bloody hard 40 hours a week and get about 1200 a month before tax.

AIBU to think that some MNers just like to boast their household income figures to others? Getting quite sick at how middle class mums net is.

OP posts:
Lucysky2017 · 02/08/2017 18:08

There are not many societies without class or divisions like this surely? The Indians have the castes. The Americans have all sorts including if you came over on the Mayflower kind of thing.

HorridHenryrule · 02/08/2017 18:08

I put my dd into main stream secondary school she didn't get on me and my partner decided to put her into a state boarding school. She was getting bullied and the school wanted to use special intervention which was all nonsense. She's doing very well in her new school thank goodness. I will home school up to year 6 primary I refuse to do secondary.

I don't know why she asked me you would have thought she would have asked questions about the school. Which I am happy to talk about.

drinkingtea · 02/08/2017 18:09

Sorry Lucy not Lucky Blush

TheNightmanCometh · 02/08/2017 18:09

I don't think this sort of disclosure does much in that it's not the same as eg mandatory disclosure and publication like they have in some countries. But it's not nothing, either.

Bluntness100 · 02/08/2017 18:10

I am surprised some people think that if you state a low to average income you're stating a. fact. If you state a high income you're either lying or boasting. The truth is when these subjects come up we see everything from min wage to six figures plus posting, seldom much more than that. It really is a broad variety.

I'm also really surprised the op doesn't know anyone on 27k or close. She doesn't have a gp, or a dentist, she never knew her teachers or head teachers, she never met an experienced police officer, she has never come across a plumber or an electrician and only knows people on below average incomes. I suspect not,,,,

HorridHenryrule · 02/08/2017 18:13

Education is more valuable than money being able to jump from job to job when you want a change. If you lose everything the one thing no one can take from you is your education. You can work to get it back again.

GetAHaircutCarl · 02/08/2017 18:13

I think disclosure in any arena is a good thing.

We need to be less embarrassed about discussing money.

drinkingtea · 02/08/2017 18:14

Bluntness it's not just some of the people claiming very high incomes who seem to be talking bollox, there are people spinning all sorts of fantasy live here...

Obviously some of the people who join to ask for suggested names for their triplets are really pregnant with triplets, just as some of the people who post about their 150k plus household income really have a 150k household income... But some posters in both categories are fantasists.

LittleLeif · 02/08/2017 18:15

I started the thread had a bad day, read that and am now feeling worse than ever Shock. Never realised how poor I was!

SpartacusSaiman · 02/08/2017 18:17

They got lucky because their hard work has been rewarded when so many others' hard work isn't.

Thats not always true either. My boss is on great money. He came from a toen that was labelled 'britians poorest' town. Little education, money was tight.

He is now on good pay because he educated himself on the business we are in. Whilst he has done no formal studying he is constantly ingesting books on all subjects. He takes risks and projects on that no one else would and he always suceeds.

He is recognised because he will do stuff others wont. Because of the risk if it goes wrong. He actively searches for 'the inpossible' because it furthers his careers and those of us that jump pon board when he asks. It isnt down to luck that his hard work is recognised.

He will havevhad some luck. But hevisnt lucky his hard work is recognised. He gives his seniors no choice.

Happydoingitjusttheonce · 02/08/2017 18:20

Don't understand this. I'm a single mum and if I was on a thread that for instance asked how much a single mum needs to raise a teenager and have a mortgage, I'd disclose and state whether it was enough or not. I get the sense OP wouldn't like my answer

ZaphodBeeblerox · 02/08/2017 18:23

On a completely different note, my chief MN bugbear is women bragging about their husband's "big career" when they have none to speak of. I'm not sure why it irritates me more than anything else - I'm sure it says more about me than them. But nothing makes me cringe more.

Well said! Me too. It makes me sad to see so many women not build their careers. More so when they're later talking about being stuck with kids, no income, v skewed financial split within marriage etc. I'm all for women making whatever choices they want, but having a career and making money seem to somehow set us up to have more equal partnerships. I wish that were true when women stay home (and in some cases it is, thankfully) but by and large it isn't!

drinkingtea · 02/08/2017 18:29

Happy your answer would be out of context unless you revealed a whole lot more though - where you live and whether you have flexibility to live somewhere cheaper and what help you have and all your in and out goings. An OP asking that question would be more usefully reminded that the question is "how long is a piece of string" unless they are willing to provide a lot of personal information as context.

ConstanceCraving · 02/08/2017 18:30

Oh let's not turn this into wohm are better than sahm please!

If there's a thread asking what job your high earning H does and someone wants to answer it's unfair to say it's cringey. Some women don't go out to work for many different reasons you know.

ZaphodBeeblerox · 02/08/2017 18:33

Sorry not meaning to derail thread or start a bun fight. Just makes me sad that threads on money or jobs etc are all taken up with what someone's boyfriend/husband/male partner makes! Being a SAHM is also an exhausting full-time rewarding job! I just wish women were given more respect for doing it!

EastMidsMummy · 02/08/2017 18:34

Thats not always true either. My boss is on great money. He came from a toen that was labelled 'britians poorest' town. Little education, money was tight. [blah...blah...blah]

He is now on good pay because he educated himself on the business we are in. Whilst he has done no formal studying he is constantly ingesting books on all subjects. He takes risks and projects on that no one else would and he always suceeds

Good for him. I'm not decrying anyone's hard work. I'm just saying plenty of people work just as hard and don't get recognised or rewarded.

TheNightmanCometh · 02/08/2017 18:37

Mmm, I think it's more people replying with husband's salary on threads specifically asking what you earn. Often the poster concerned wants information specifically pertaining to women, and obviously this is a female dominated forum.

coddiwomple · 02/08/2017 18:37

I just wish women were given more respect for doing it!

Don't worry, women like me are very grateful to have SAHM to look after our kids on election days/ inset days etc!

(and check the threads about parents at loss about what to do with their kids, as in entertaining their kids, during the 6 weeks off. Some parents fully admit they cannot cope with children full time for more than 3 days Grin )

ConstanceCraving · 02/08/2017 18:39

But if the thread is asking how much someone's H earns that is in no way being dismissive of how hard SAHMs work.

SpartacusSaiman · 02/08/2017 18:41

Good for him. I'm not decrying anyone's hard work. I'm just saying plenty of people work just as hard and don't get recognised or rewarded.

I am not disagreeing. Simply saying that being recognised, for your hard work, isn't always down to luck either.

Bluntness100 · 02/08/2017 18:43

But some posters in both categories are fantasists

Sure, as are the ones in min wage with twenty grand savings and feeling they and their kids want for nothing, have two hols a year and life is grand, there is fantasists everywhere. I would personally assume the overwhelming majority are honest on all ends of the spectrum.

JaceLancs · 02/08/2017 18:44

It just makes me very envious - so I try and avoid those threads

Genghi · 02/08/2017 18:53

I think it's a good idea that people talk about their high salaries. So often women want to earn more than £30k and don't know how. I managed it by reading threads about how high earners did it. I basically specialized in retail, moved jobs regularly to get an increased salary/position. I was on 10k when I was 24, no degree or A Levels, severely dyslexic, and now I'm pushing 40 & work in a senior management position in a bank with a six figure salary. It's really not rocket science. I got to where I am by taking risks, being flexible, and thinking like a man.

TheNightmanCometh · 02/08/2017 19:01

Sure, as are the ones in min wage with twenty grand savings and feeling they and their kids want for nothing, have two hols a year and life is grand, there is fantasists everywhere. I would personally assume the overwhelming majority are honest on all ends of the spectrum.

Well true, although maybe the one on NMW hasn't mentioned they get free childcare from family and the use of uncle's caravan (I know a couple of people on NMW that would apply to actually!). It goes back to the point about people not always disclosing full picture. I'd say our society as it is now, with such massive variation in housing costs and disparity between generations, is particularly ripe for one fact completely changing a family's big picture. Even when people are actually trying to be honest and open.

But yeah, this is the internet so presumably some people are bullshitting. That's the nature of the beast. Still, I tend to take the view that it's often interesting anyway. So yeah, maybe this particular individual is lying about eg not having much left after paying rent, childcare and commute from a 90k household income. But there are people who do have those expenses, even if the person writing the words at this particular minute isn't one of them. Obviously this isn't true when people are entirely inventing things, but if it's completely implausible they usually get found out don't they? Remember artandco?

EastMidsMummy · 02/08/2017 19:04

I am not disagreeing. Simply saying that being recognised, for your hard work, isn't always down to luck either.

I think I am disagreeing (a bit).

Being recognised for your hard work is down to luck as is being financially rewarded for it.

Plenty of people work hard and their hard work isn't recognised. Plenty of people's hard work is recognised but they do it in a sector where hard work doesn't bring financial gain.

Even your own talents and aptitudes are 'lucky' to some extent. If you've been born or raised to be quick-thinking, energetic or tenacious, you've struck lucky compared to someone who's a bit thick, lazy or weak.

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