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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel depressed at financial talk on MN?

391 replies

FluffyPotato · 02/08/2017 14:48

I understand that people sometimes have to talk salaries for context but I think some people just like to throw out numbers so that they show their middle class status to the rest of MN.

A thread I've just seen 'DH works 30 hours a week earning 60k' and someone commenting 'oh my DH earns 100k'.

I work bloody hard 40 hours a week and get about 1200 a month before tax.

AIBU to think that some MNers just like to boast their household income figures to others? Getting quite sick at how middle class mums net is.

OP posts:
drinkingtea · 02/08/2017 16:10

Average salary statistics are upwardly skewed obviously.

Take ten people - one earns 120k and nine each earn 10k. Average salary is 20k ... In fact nobody in the group earns even roughly in the region 20k in reality...

TheNightmanCometh · 02/08/2017 16:10

MN does skew towards a certain demographic, so you're going to get more people on professional salaries. Or whose husbands are, at least Though saying that, people do tend to post more if they're on the extremes. So any threads about money will usually also contain people who are eg on Carers Allowance. As well as people who feel the topic is too narrow, as they have 12p left on a large salary after paying rent, childcare and commuting/people who have a low income but low expenses and therefore feel well off. You sort of get the opposite of regressing to the mean. People who are dead in the middle don't feel their stories are as interesting.

Anyway Yanbu to feel depressed by them, but I must say I'm glad they exist. I find it really useful and interesting information, and think we as a society would benefit from people having more access to this knowledge. Since we aren't open usually, this is the next best thing. Though I fully admit that people bullshit. I don't know why they do, but they do.

PickAChew · 02/08/2017 16:11

It doesn't matter that the op's partner in the thread you're referring to earns £60k because she barely sees a penny of it. If you want to feel jealous of someone with a financially abusive lazy, disrespectful arse of a husband, be my guest.

flapjackfairy · 02/08/2017 16:11

I am a bit cynical and take some of it with a pinch of salt tbh !
So not sure what that says about me ? And i grew up in the era of it being impolite to ask what someone earns . I never found out what my father earned for example! These days people will tell you openly . How times have changed!

coddiwomple · 02/08/2017 16:11

when they pay nearly half their wage in income tax to start with, employees don't even feel that well off to start with. (and that's before they have to pay for commute etc.)

SpartacusSaiman · 02/08/2017 16:12

I must admit I read that thread earlier and felt like I live in another world.

So because someone is different to you or earns more than you, they cant mention it?

As i said before i had never seen anyone randomly mentiom how much they earn, their dh earns etc....unless its relevant to a thread. Not saying it doesnt happen, but it isnt common. And why should higher earners stay away from those threads?

I have been piss poor several times. I am not a huge fan of the 'whats your income' type threads, do i dont go on them. Even though I earn well now. They are obvious from their titles.

If you dont like them, dont read them.

As for assuming people must be lying, because you dont know anyone who earns that much, thats ridiculous. I currently dont know anyone who is really struggling for money (as in cant afford to live), thats doesnt mean that anyone who posts on mn about it must be lying.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 02/08/2017 16:12

If a thread asks how much you earn or your husband earns or your household income then you are being very unreasonable

But if it bears no relevance (cant see how that would keep happening but still) then you are probably right to feel miffed

MattBerrysHair · 02/08/2017 16:14

It's hard to understand the motivation behind written comments due to lack body language and tone of voice to provide context to it. I don't really understand why stating what you earn is considered crass if it's relevant to the conversation. I suppose some people may be trying (and failing) to declare their superiority by talking about their high earnings, but I'm sure those people are in the minority. I choose to take the stance that most people are not trying to put other's down when stating their achievements. They're just proud of themselves or feeling grateful and fortunate. It's nice to see people experience good fortune, whether through hard work or just good luck. Of course more money would make my life easier as I earn only £6000.00 a year (self-employed and disabled), but I certainly do not begrudge others their high earnings. Life is too short and precious to spend time and energy being envious.

drinkingtea · 02/08/2017 16:19

GetaHaircut seriously? We live in an anonymous forum? Have you not noticed the number of threads that get deleted as they are not genuine?

People extend daydreams onto anonymous forums just for fun, or they want a reaction and get kicks from posting goady nonsense like "I earn eleventy billion pounds and live in a 97 room mansion with a zoo, don't be jealous just because your lower earnings show that you must be less hardworking and brilliant". Or they are beta testing the plausibility of a character for their new novel, who the fuck knows! Being someone else on the internet is a very well known form of minor league weirdness...

Some people spend all their free time pretending to be wizards and elves online along with other total strangers doing the same...

The internet is somewhere you see people share their real, raw, truthful thoughts and worries and opinions in a way they wouldn't if they had to look the person they'd shared them with in the eye over breakfast... But it's also somewhere you cannot know which poster is being utterly honest and which is embroiling you in their fantasy life.

drinkingtea · 02/08/2017 16:20

Oops "why lie" not "we live"

jay55 · 02/08/2017 16:23

We have a wage gap. Openly talking about how much or how little we earn is important and making discussing salaries taboo/ill mannered/crass/whatever has not helped women.

coddiwomple · 02/08/2017 16:24

Let's pretend these figures are accurate (not my area, no idea if they are)

Some posters on here can lower or increase their real income in their posts. In the real world, there will be someone earning each of this figures:

www.glassdoor.co.uk/Salary/ALDI-Salaries-E7337.htm

TheNightmanCometh · 02/08/2017 16:24

Freudian slip there drinkingtea...

SleightOfHand · 02/08/2017 16:25

Money doesn't equal wealth, obviously depends on what your definition of wealth is.

drinkingtea · 02/08/2017 16:27

Hehe TheNightman Wink

PoppyPopcorn · 02/08/2017 16:28

Isn't it uncomfortable with that massive chip on your shoulder, OP?

As others have said, if you start mentioning high salaries on a totally unrelated thread, then yes that would be boasting. But a frank discussion about family finances and how can you afford X, Y or Z it's perfectly reasonable to state your family income - whether that's £20k or £220k.

I'm one of those despised, leech-like women who is "living off her husband". I do work for myself, part-time, but my earnings last financial year were around £10k and he earned £130k. Sick of being told by certain sectors of MN that I'm a parasite, stupid, naive, likely to have DH up and leave for a younger model, etc etc etc. It's really nobody's business but ours how we choose to structure our family finances and live our lives. Stating the facts of DH's salary isn't boasty or trying to rub anyone's nose in it - it's pure fact.

We're mid 40s and most of our friends are higher earners too - my friends and the parents of my kids' friends are doctors, pharmacists, teachers, nurses, senior managers etc. Graduates who are 20 years into their careers at least so of course you're going to be earning more than when you started work at 21 or 22. When I was 22 I couldn't relate to people earning high salaries either, but then I thought that 45 was ancient too.

gwenneh · 02/08/2017 16:29

Oh, please.

Sure, we make a great salary on paper (and even on my badass budget spreadsheet) but in reality, DH and I have made so many ghastly major financial cockups, life a lifestyle that ranges from excessive to entirely disengaged as we outsource everything from gardening to childcare, and as a result even with little debt we hemorrhage money at every turn.

The salary is nothing to be proud of. It's just information, and not nearly the whole picture.

TheNightmanCometh · 02/08/2017 16:30

Money doesn't equal wealth, obviously depends on what your definition of wealth is.

There were some very interesting and bad tempered discussions about this in a couple of threads after Theresa May announced the aborted 100k care cap policy. Money v assets v wealth, cash poor and asset rich etc. I didn't really come to any firm conclusions having read the responses, but they were informative.

pitterpatterrain · 02/08/2017 16:30

Stating a fact isn't necessarily boasting, but I imagine on one of those threads where posters are asked for salary there is likely a bit of "haven't I done well" as a hidden motivator to click the post button

troodiedoo · 02/08/2017 16:35

I do feel a pang of envy when I read those high salaries but I've also read posts from people in poverty reliant on food banks. We are a broad church.

deanarosly · 02/08/2017 16:35

YWNBU if it was a thread about cats and someone said 'oh my DH earns 100k so we can afford to buy solid gold collars'.

YABU when it is a thread specifically asking how much you need to be a SAHP or whatever.

It's all relative to where you live anyway. In London 70k isn't rich, though it is enough to live off comfortably. I imagine in Middlesborough it is rich.

drinkingtea · 02/08/2017 16:36

GetaHaircut the wealthy in society have mainly unearned income (or their sky high earnings are the result of nepotism as well as the fact they have unearned income). Hard to see how self reported high incomes from fantasists and braggarts and John Thornton types can do much to combat that!

deanarosly · 02/08/2017 16:38

No one I know, not one single person earns close to 27k

Where do you live?

Again it's all relative to area isn't it. 27k would not get you far at all in London - you can barely rent a tiny room in a shared house for less than £600pcm.

GetAHaircutCarl · 02/08/2017 16:41

drinkingtea sure there are weird threads that get pulled.

But usually they are angling for £££, or are woman hating, or they're so obviously by an unhinged fantasist.

But long standing posters surely mostly tell the truth ( with exceptions to protect their identity)?

GetAHaircutCarl · 02/08/2017 16:44

Also there was once a great thread about which jobs commanded large salaries and lots of posters gave great advice about what it was they actually did, how they got there, what they had to do to keep said job.

It was fascinating.
Obviously the details would still need to be checked if anyone wanted to pursue any of it, but it was a great starting point ( and there were some amazing jobs I've never heard of).