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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how much your OH earns if you are a stay at home parent?

258 replies

LittleLeif · 02/08/2017 09:09

Or how much did you have in savings?
This is very very nosey of me but I am trying to figure out if it is viable for me to ever stay at home with my baby. Unfortunately I have to go back to work full time but am hoping to maybe take a career break when she is a two or three.
We are both in jobs where you get opportunities for annually or bi-annually pay rises that can be quite substantial so I'm interested to see if he will be earning enough to support us for a year by then.
TIA

OP posts:
Wixi · 02/08/2017 10:31

My DH earns approx. £70K and told me I could be a sahm if I wanted, but I would have to sell my car and not have any holidays :-( I now work 8.30 - 2.30 5 days a week, whilst my daughter is at school (and still have my car :-)

InvisibleKittenAttack · 02/08/2017 10:33

To add to Tinkly's very good post - remember some things might go up in costs - eg. gas and electricity bills if there's someone in the house all day that was previously empty. If you are used to buying lunches at work, that will be a saving, but your home food bill will increase with eating lunch at home. If you currently commute to work on train/public transport, petrol costs might go up if you are now regularly driving to toddler groups/Mum-friend meet ups.

Temporaryanonymity · 02/08/2017 10:34

I am a lone parent and my net income per month is £3200. I would love a stay at home partner. I reckon that person could cook cheaper, cut down on my childcare bills and make life less stressful. Worth the extra 25% in council tax. I might try and find one...

Huffletuff · 02/08/2017 10:34

19k. We have to manage.

Jaxhog · 02/08/2017 10:39

Surely, whether you can stay at home is a decision you would make together? It isn't just your decision to make!

Although, as a couple, you should be discussing this anyway. How can you make major decisions otherwise?

EezerGoode · 02/08/2017 10:42

We bought a smaller house ,don't take expensive holidays,budget a lot.we did however get a mortgage at a very young age and it's nearly paid off...we just don't spend a lot as a family I guess..look at your house and area and try to look at if you could move to a smaller cheaper house..no expensive holidays...we do weekend breaks caravan ect.never spent more than 500 on a holiday.no expensive Sky ,no new furniture,no new car....our choice to have me home full time ,and do without expensive stuff..

thedcbrokemybank · 02/08/2017 10:45

As everyone has said it I'd totally situational. I have been a SAHM when dh earned 35k but we only had 2 small dc and a small house so it was fine. DH now earns around 100k but we now have 4 dc who are a lot bigger, a much bigger house and greater commuting costs. All of these things cost significantly more so actually our standard of living is probably about the same.

ToddlerIs2 · 02/08/2017 10:48

16.5k
We have to suck it up.

MommaGee · 02/08/2017 10:52

We're well into six figures based on DH's income + "passive" income from investments, and I still don't think we could afford it. I wonder whether I'm just unrealistic about what is/isn't a necessary outgoing
Yup! But then you cut your cloth accordingly and spend whatyou earn in most cases. I can't imagine a 100k lifestyle let alone 100k plus a second income

PollyPerky · 02/08/2017 10:54

It's a silly question.

'Do the maths'.

Get a spreadsheet of all your outgoings (rent, mortgage, insurance, utilities, council tax, food, clothes, subs, car, fuel, etc) and how much they come to in a month and compare with your DH's net income.

If they exceed his income then you would need to carry on working.

Det54 · 02/08/2017 10:54

This is an interesting thread. I've been a sahm for the past 10years about to rtw in a very low paid job but fits in with childcare. Dh and I debated it for a while, he earns what would be considered to be a very high salary around 150k but he is very heavily taxed we live in a not very big house but a nice area, drive a nice but not flashy family car can't afford foreign holidays don't have expensive hobbies certainly have no extra money and the money I will be earning as it won't be taxed is going to be a massive help, wish I'd gone back sooner!

Camomila · 02/08/2017 10:59

DH earns 32k and I'm pretty much a SAHM parent from September (will be a pt student)

It's just about enough with no treats/spare for emergencies so once I'm settled in or after Christmas I'll be looking for a 8-16h type job to help out.

Cailleach666 · 02/08/2017 10:59

My OH earned £26K while i I was a SAHM, but our rent for a two bed semi with a garden in a nice area close to a good primary school was £325 a month.
We managed, didn't struggle.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 02/08/2017 11:38

Martin Lewis spreadsheet is very good. Picks up all the spends you never think about. We spend how much a year on family birthday meals out?

corythatwas · 02/08/2017 11:49

Beyond a certain subsistence level, it is really about thinking through your priorities. Do you want to stay at home with your baby more than you want to be able to buy nice shoes or lunch out whenever you feel like it?

Namechange54 · 02/08/2017 12:02

45k and we manage ok.

We don't run a car, don't really do meals out (that's just our choice) and don't have sky or a huge house or anything like that. But I'd say we have a really nice lifestyle, put together a good Christmas and one holiday a year, have enough for emergencies and we are able to set aside a little as savings at the end of the month. Like a PP I really recommend the Martin Lewis Spreadsheet, it very quickly makes you realise how much money you waste on little things.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 02/08/2017 12:03

We have now gone through a similar process with deciding to semi retire. We will have less money to splash around but much more time to enjoy the little things.

Namechange54 · 02/08/2017 12:04

When I go back to work the hope is that it will be part time and my husband will reduce his hours to part time to share parenting. Agree with corythatwas it depends on what you want in life, both options are equally valid, but neither me or DH are particularly bothered about career progression so this suits us nicely.

Belmo · 02/08/2017 12:12

I work weekends for £7k a year.
Husband is on £27k

uptheclane · 02/08/2017 12:14

DH is on £150k and I'm a sahm. We put a lot of his salary away in investments so we could have afforded it if he was on a lower salary and if we saved less. We have a good lifestyle with nice overseas holidays and plenty of hobbies, although not a big house (actually we can only afford a flat where we are) and we don't run a car as we're in central London. One dc in an outstanding state school.

KayTree87 · 02/08/2017 12:19

I'm a sahm and dh earns 40k a year. 2 children. We manage pretty well and have money for treats etc.

MistressPage · 02/08/2017 12:57

I know two types of SAHPs. Ones where the other halves make lots of money and there is no need for a second salary. And another group where they make very little but the cost of childcare outweighs what the SAHP would ever make so it's not worth their while working until the children are much older. No one ever seems in the middle of those!

I'm in the middle of those. And we just have a nice, normal lifestyle. SAHM doesn't seem to be the thing now, which makes me a little sad. All my baby buddies went back to work full time after a year. They all seem to spend a lot of money on things which, to me, are a bit wanky and unimportant. Like posh cars and holidays in centerparcs, and expensive gadgets and designer clothes. It feels a bit like materialism is getting in the way of the real stuff, like spending time with your children. All this endless stuff that's marketed at us. I can't help thinking it's all bullshit. Like I said upthread, I'd rather romp around in an d banger having adventures with my toddler than ditch him at nursery every day from a BMW.

YetAnotherNC2017 · 02/08/2017 12:57

£100kish. But we have around £450,000 left on our mortgage!

Writerwannabe83 · 02/08/2017 13:09

Between me and DH we bring home about £4'000 a month. He brings about £2'300 and I bring £1'700.

If I gave up work and we only had £2'300 a month coming into the house we'd probably be ok but we would t be able to have any savings or nice holidays and that's not something we think is worth me being a SAHM.

BillBrysonsBeard · 02/08/2017 13:26

DP earns 30k, we have two kids and are comfortable with no debts.