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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how much your OH earns if you are a stay at home parent?

258 replies

LittleLeif · 02/08/2017 09:09

Or how much did you have in savings?
This is very very nosey of me but I am trying to figure out if it is viable for me to ever stay at home with my baby. Unfortunately I have to go back to work full time but am hoping to maybe take a career break when she is a two or three.
We are both in jobs where you get opportunities for annually or bi-annually pay rises that can be quite substantial so I'm interested to see if he will be earning enough to support us for a year by then.
TIA

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 02/08/2017 09:14

Surely it's not as simple as that though? Outgoings are just as important as salary?

Original poster
LittleLeif · 02/08/2017 09:16

You are right. I just wanted a general idea to know if it's even worth considering as an option :-)

OP posts:
FuzzyPenguin · 02/08/2017 09:17

DP earns 27k we worked out that if required we could cope without me having to go back to work but it would be tight. I guess it depends on your situation for us this included a stupidly high mortgage on a small house but we don't drive so that is a big saving. We didn't take into account any benefits we may or may not have gotten because you never know when they might be changed.
As it happens I changed to a part time job which pulls in 10k and we are much more comfortable.

2014newme · 02/08/2017 09:18

My dh earns £100k and I couldn't be a sahm unless I wanted a very basic lifestyle, no home improvements, no foreign holidays etc.

Amd724 · 02/08/2017 09:19

I'm not a SAHM, but we calculated that I could be a SAHM on my husbands salary (roughly 39K), but we live in the north and have a low mortgage and relatively few outgoings. We also live in a city centre, so good links to free days out with the child. However, we'd have to give up holidays and I'm not ready to give up my economic freedom, especially as its my career that will begin to have more opportunities. I should eclipse his income in about a year after maternity leave. If I was earning roughly £50K, we could comfortably have him at home with the child and still sustain our lifestyle. That wouldn't be for another 3 years in my career though. At that point, our child would be heading towards school soon, so there wouldn't be any point!

Yorkshiremummyof4 · 02/08/2017 09:20

My husband earns around 70k, we have 4 children. I get a small income of 6k a year off a past investment. However we sometimes struggle and we never feel like we have a surpluss, but with 4 children and living in a fairly expensive area we have a nice life, just can't go jetting over the world 😭

milkjetmum · 02/08/2017 09:21

I earn 37k and dh is sahd. Money is tight though and credit card bills a bit out of hand...

caffeinestream · 02/08/2017 09:22

Income is only part of the equation - you also need to consider your outgoings, the cost of childcare and commuting times etc.

Both DP and I earn little, BUT we live in a very cheap area in terms of mortgages, council tax so our outgoings are low. We can live off one salary here, but if we moved to the south east, we'd not even have a mortgage on the amount we both earn.

How much do you both earn? What are your outgoings? Can you afford to to lose an entire salary?

Some people have a SAHP because childcare costs more than one person earns, and the household can't afford to lose a whole salary and then some. And before people jump on me and say childcare costs should be split - it all comes out of the same pot in the end. If person A pays £500 and person B pays £500 you're still £1k down whichever way you look at! Also, not all jobs can go part-time or allow weekend/evening working to reduce childcare costs, so it's not always viable for both partners to work but go part-time, or to change hours for a while.

lmer · 02/08/2017 09:23

25k- 2 children, we only rent and have zilch savings, but have a good lifestyle (takeout once a week, can take kids out often and do a family holiday although only within uk)

missyB1 · 02/08/2017 09:26

it all depends where you live doesn't it? I'm in an expensive area and Dh is a higher rate tax payer and we can just about afford for me not to work.

Extua · 02/08/2017 09:27

2014newme if your household income was only your husbands salary of 100k your lifestyle would be basic? Wow.

Between me and oh we earn 40k before tax which feels like loads but we never have enough. We live in an expensive-ish part of the UK and have to run two cars though. I'd need oh to earn that before I could stop working

Bobbybobbins · 02/08/2017 09:30

We earn about 25k each which puts us at a comfortable standard of living where we live. However our eldest has ASD and a lack of flexibility in our jobs means I might have to give up work when he goes to school.

Witsender · 02/08/2017 09:30

I am a Sahm in effect although I do a few hours for a charity each week. Dh works 4 days a week and earns around £35k for it. He has earned up to around £55k in the past, and we've been down in the 20ies too. He's going up to 5 days in a month or two which will gross around £46k.

We live on the South Coast in a cheapish region with a mortgage of £720 p/m

Witsender · 02/08/2017 09:32

Extua, a lot would class no foreign hols etc as basic, especially if you live in an expensive area. I wouldn't, but it is more about outgoings than income at that point.

CwtchMeQuick · 02/08/2017 09:40

Between us we have an income of around £45-50k. We're comfortable but have no savings. We'd probably need DP to earn at least £40k for me to be a SAHM

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 02/08/2017 09:41

Dh earned about £35k when I first became a sahm, now earns about £50k.
All 3 kids are in school and I'm thinking about going back to work but it's not easy. I have suffered from an illness for 4 years which leaves me very fatigued, I'd have to sort out childcare and housework because at the moment I do all of it.

I think if you want to make it work, it will work - dh has earned up to £70k and also been unemployed for 6 months, and we've always managed if our income fluctuates.

But factor in getting back into work too, if you want to change career remember to set aside money to retrain in your chosen field, plans for child care and so on. Then even if you have to go back earlier, or can afford to wait longer, you've got it all planned out (unlike me!)

AppalachianWalzing · 02/08/2017 09:41

I find it strange that people still talk about income in terms of gross amounts and act like that's comparable- most people don't off the top of their head know after tax income of 40k, 60k, 22k, esp if some people have tax credits or other benefits on top.

I feel like it would make a lot more sense to say: our net income (including benefits, before any bills) is x, our mortgage/rent is y, and we find it easy /struggle etc.

Fwiw I've been trying to figure out the cost of children recently from asking friends and the variance is hilarious- one couple on150k with 2 feel like they're comfortable but wouldn't want less, another on about 30k with 3 planning a 4th say it's totally manageable. Until you have more detail (which it's hard to get in real life) it's v difficult to compare.

FanwankTheAbsurd · 02/08/2017 09:41

I don't see how asking a bunch of strangers on the internet about their situations is in any way going to make things any clearer for you Hmm

If this is real which I doubt, and not some researcher looking for data, you need to add up your outgoings and then subtract that from your income. That's how you make this decision.

AnxiousAnnieBum · 02/08/2017 09:43

I've just gone back to work but my OH is on 80k plus 20% bonus. We had about 20k in savings but those are about to be wiped out.

I'm sure this probably sounds like loads (and it is!) but we didn't lead an extravagant lifestyle at all, and we live in a small flat in SE London with no garden.

EssentialHummus · 02/08/2017 09:44

We're well into six figures based on DH's income + "passive" income from investments, and I still don't think we could afford it. I wonder whether I'm just unrealistic about what is/isn't a necessary outgoing.

AnxiousAnnieBum · 02/08/2017 09:44

Oh and just to add when my DS was a baby I didn't want to go back to work at all but 6 months as a SAHM did me in - I'm absolutely loving being back at work. You never know, you might enjoy it :)

FemaleDilbert · 02/08/2017 09:45

I think we could have managed on one of us earning 35k-ish but we have no mortgage or rent to pay. However we've decided not to as we both want to work.

Twoweekcruise · 02/08/2017 09:47

It does all depend on outgoings. I'm a sahm and dh earns around £30k but we have paid our mortgage off, if not I couldn't have been at home the last 9 years. But it's getting harder the older the children get so I am looking to return to work.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 02/08/2017 09:48

As others have said, unless you know people's outgoings, the info is useless.

Someone can be on 25K, have low rent/mort and manage well.
Someone on 100K, may have a massive mortgage, a child at private school, 2 hols a year and be putting it all on a credit card.

2014newme · 02/08/2017 09:48

You have to consider pension provision for retirement as well. Many people are going to find retirement finds them in poverty if they ate relying on the state pension.