Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think my dad is a bit of a arsehole?

67 replies

Natanddogs · 02/08/2017 08:02

Il just say first I do love my dad obviously as its my dad but his attitude stinks.
If you don't agree with him or have a different opinion he just shouts and swears.
Interrupts etc
Last night I went over for tea and he had made a roast,all day I fancied cauliflower cheese so I brought some over.
Soon as he seen it he started shouting "what was the point in me making veg"
I said "oh I love all the veg you've made I'm eating it all,I'm just having some cauli cheese too"
He went on and on and on and I snapped "look it's a cauliflower cheese,I bought it,I'm still eating your veg,get a grip"
He went off on one " there you go again starting as soon as you walk through the door"
Today we are going to the races and the train is at 10.50am but going for breakfast first.
He said we will leave here at 10,I said I think we should leave at 9.30 am as 10 is cutting it fine to order,eat then get tickets.
Starts shouting "you just do what you want,I'm leaving at 10 "
He does this with everything,having a opinion to him is apparently causing trouble.
I'm 31 and not allowed a opinion.
I can't help but snap back as I find it pathetic.
AIBU?

OP posts:
Ifailed · 02/08/2017 08:04

you sound as bad as each other, though in your defence I can see where you get it from.

NormaSmuff · 02/08/2017 08:05

well no, except did you really have to take cauliflower cheese when he made you a meal with veg?

has he always been a shouty man?

Ginmakesitallok · 02/08/2017 08:05

It was rude to bring the cauliflower cheese. He can leave whatever time he wants. You both sound a bit arsey.

Original poster
Natanddogs · 02/08/2017 08:05

If he has an opinion I don't scream and shout.
He would cause a argument in a empty

OP posts:
Original poster
Natanddogs · 02/08/2017 08:06

Why shouldn't I take a cauliflower cheese? How is that rude?
If I like it ? And I bought it?

OP posts:
Cakedoesntjudge · 02/08/2017 08:06

If it wasn't pre-discussed you bringing something then I think you might have been a bit out of order with the cauliflower cheese. I know if I had spent all day preparing and cooking a meal and someone turned up with food without saying anything I'd be a bjt annoyed - although, as you were eating everything he'd prepared as well maybe that's a bit different.

In general, it sounds as if you and your dad both have short fuses. Have you tried discussing this with him?

Original poster
Natanddogs · 02/08/2017 08:08

He has always been like that.
Last week I popped to town with him and I was returning some work trousers.
I asked the cashier to return them and before I had a chance to say anything my dad chimed in "because she's getting fat"
I'm moving in a few weeks and because I didn't ask his opinion first,he gave me the silent treatment first.

OP posts:
Original poster
Natanddogs · 02/08/2017 08:09

It was a tin of carrots and a tin of peas-
He made sprouts for himself which I don't like so I thought I would bring something I liked.

OP posts:
NormaSmuff · 02/08/2017 08:09

give yourself some space from him for a week op, after today obviously

Original poster
Natanddogs · 02/08/2017 08:09

I don't have a short fuse unless someone is generally being a arse to me.
I'm shocked that people think that's a reasonable way to treat someone.

OP posts:
NormaSmuff · 02/08/2017 08:10

did you bring the cauliflower cheese for you to share?

MargotLovedTom1 · 02/08/2017 08:10

Don't spend so much time with him if you rub each other up the wrong way. Is it normally just the two of you, or are there partners around on either side?

NormaSmuff · 02/08/2017 08:10

i think it doesnt sound particularly worth worrying about tbh op.

ButchyRestingFace · 02/08/2017 08:11

I think the cauliflower cheese was a bit rude.

If he's as bad as you say, surely you could have predicted he'd react like that?

Original poster
Natanddogs · 02/08/2017 08:11

You can bet your life if we miss the train today -it will be my fault.
He will cause a argument over something mundane like a lost remote then say "my blood pressure will be sky high because of you,you will make me have a stroke"

OP posts:
MargotLovedTom1 · 02/08/2017 08:12

Also you're right - he sounds like a nasty sod really, but that would make me want to limit the time I spend with him.

Original poster
Natanddogs · 02/08/2017 08:12

Not really I couldn't see why me bringing a packet of cauliflower cheese would cause a argument tbf when he made veg that he specific liked.
It's not like he made a meal and I refused to eat it then ate my own -I added a bit cauliflower cheese to my plate and I get shouted and swore at.

OP posts:
MargotLovedTom1 · 02/08/2017 08:13

Why do you do so much with him?!

Original poster
Natanddogs · 02/08/2017 08:13

No my mum died when I was younger.
He used to be the same with her..she used to be very anxious to do anything wrong just incase.

OP posts:
livefornaps · 02/08/2017 08:13

God people really love to pick ops apart at the moment, don't they?

It's your dad, I'd say taking a side dish was a nice gesture! And I'd want to leave by 9.30 too. Regardless, I cannot stand people who shout. Even if you do disagree, yelling at someone like that is awful. And it spoils what are meant to be otherwise pleasant occasions!

I'm not sure what advice to give you because it's really hard to change a long standing dynamic. I would just say keep calm and don't react - much like you would to a tantrumming toddler! To the point where you say "I'll come back to this conversation when you've calmed down".

You have my sympathy - I know what it's like to go on day trips and the like with a grumpy old man where as long as we stick to what they've said all is okay but the slightest divergence can cause stress and shouting.

I also appreciate it is hard to handle when it's your own dad. We all have "coping strategies" for difficult adults we encounter but when it's your dad it's all too easy to slip into the parent/child dynamic and shout back like a teenager...!

NormaSmuff · 02/08/2017 08:14

i think most people would take offence if you just ship up with cauliflower cheese, you should told him first

Original poster
Natanddogs · 02/08/2017 08:14

He is my only family I have left.
I want to feel like I still have family and when I was younger it was lovely.

OP posts:
Mothervulva · 02/08/2017 08:14

Fine to bring the cauliflower cheese- especially as it was tinned veg.
Why do you spend so much time with him?

MargotLovedTom1 · 02/08/2017 08:14

Don't see as much of him. Seriously.

NormaSmuff · 02/08/2017 08:15

how would you feel if you cooked and he turned up with his own side dish?