What are your family in-jokes?

[bumblebee50]

This is not an AIBU and is meant to be lighthearted. I am just back from holiday and only took one pair of pyjamas. I asked my DH if he had a spare t-shirt I could wear and he gave me one telling me it made him look a bit "Kenneth". I got the reference straight away. Anyone else hazard a guess as to what he meant? Also what are your family in-jokes that no-one else would understand? My children called their tonsils their rileys for many years and I've no idea why.

Must remember the horses in blankets for Christmas dinner.

My mum had had a few two many tipples on Christmas and was adamant they were horses not pigs. It has stuck ever since.

Ours are mainly spell check based

He likes to tell me 'you'll die' because I bought him a valentines card last year that said 'you'll do,' but the font made it look like you'll die to him

We tell each other 'I love you korean' after his phone changed more to Korean once

There's more I'm sure but I can't remember them right now.

fluffy, my sister and I have an imaginary third sibling (called Michelle, god knows why) who we used to play off against each other as kids. E.g. 'Screw you I'm going to play with Michelle'/'God Michelle's so much cooler than you'.

It was a hilarious injoke for about 20 years until DP was witnessing one of our uber mature spats and announced he thought Michelle was actually the fittest sister out of the three of us

It's now a family in joke for the three of us

(to clarify I mean me, Dsis and DP. I'm not completely loopy...!)

'Whose this?! Who the bloody hell is this?! whenever we hear Florence and the machine being played I can't remember how it started but been going on ages- if you say who the artist is you've lost.

Me and Dh Heard on the the radio years ago about a bloke who wanted to charge
His date after she refused a second date with him he said 'you ate the food you drank the wine...do the right thing' so whenever someone doesn't want to do something we roll out that line.
If something's really good we liken it to having all new continental tyres which is basically a piss take of me showing off about my car years ago but it's stuck.
We pretend to be mob gangsters on a far too frequent basis and Mis-quote Goodfellas and The Godfather.
We are a random bunch

Me and DP still like to do the "Suits you sir!" routine from The Fast Show whenever one of the kids is dressed nicely or we take them clothes shopping. They're oblivious to the reference.

We also have a family joke that my mum is a raging alcoholic who dances on tables (she doesn't drink!) and a kleptomaniac. My dad still pretends to hide the cutlery from her when the waiter is giving our meals to us at a restaurant. It's amazing we've never been arrested!

I once pointed out to DP that Newark is an anagram of wanker. Anyone who is being a wanker is now "a person from Newark".

Whenever one of us goes to the lav, the other says "Don't forget to open the flap". This is a reference to an occasion when I omitted to do this before having a gargantuan shit in the bog in our motorhome. It took me a good 10 minutes and several gallons of water to get the offending turd to go down the opening into the shitbox toilet cassette.

DP took great delight in explaining the origin of this to his entire extended family at a family do.

My DD and I were on the bus years ago,sitting in front of a man and woman. When we went past a house that had a lot of renovation work done on the front garden (new wall built,patio laid,new porch etc) the woman pointed it out to the man. 'Ooh look they've had a new wall built and new paving put in'. They then proceeded to go on and on and on about it for the rest of the half hour journey. Now every time me and DD go past this particular house,one of us says 'Ooh look! They've had the garden done!'.

If anyone says "proportion" in conversation, it's a race to see who can shout it in a scandalised Yorkshire accent, á la Scripps from The History Boys.

And I frequently tell DH to "look at your life, look at your choices" when he sends me photos of whatever god forsaken bit of the world he happens to be working in. Poor man, I should be more supportive sorry not sorry

Oh, lots. Favourite phrase of choice probably: 'I was going to, but Bernard said f**k 'em'

Don't ask. There is a story. Somewhere

Lots that come from TV shows in our family:

• fake falling to sleep when someone is wittering on like they do in Friends when Ross talks about dinosaurs
• long convoluted explanations about a person who most of don't actually know always end up with 'works in John Menzies, wears an orthopaedic shoe' from Paul Calf/Steve Coogan
• 'He's dead, Dave, they're all dead. They're all dead, Dave' when someone struggles to grasp something obvious to the rest of us from Red Dwarf
• 'That's you/your boyfriend/your Mum/your swimming pool' and infinite varieties as appropriate from Mary Whitehouse Experience whenever we can!
• 'I squash-a-your-head' whilst looking through one eye and using the perspective change to squeeze finger and thumb together. This one STILL makes my (40 year old) sister unbeliebably cross and the rest of us giddily silly so is only used occasionally! Think it came from a Canadian comedy show? Kids in the Hall?

We clearly watch too much TV

Like when fish is mentioned, one of us has to go fiiiish like The Cat from Red Dwarf

Omg we do this too!

In my family we have a LOT of tv references, lots of acorn antiques and dinnerladies, loads of French and Saunders jokes and loads of red dwarf.

When we see a man with a really 'foo foo' looking little lap dog breed, we say 'uppity paw' in Richard Dawkins' voice.

Every time my mum asks me to get something or vice versa, you have to reply
'Get two, I'm not sharing with Caitlyn!'

This comes from the Simpson, the episode with the spoiled rich kid.

Any time any place is on the telly...

'I've been there!'

Older readers will recognise this reference ... When my parents go on holiday, they always send me their travel details in an email titled "Whippet"

Incredibly outing if my mum's on here but our mum 2 are:

Pronouncing in a very dead pan Yorkshire accent that "someone could be killed" whenever we see a wind turbine. Comes from a letter in the local paper a few years ago where someone was complaining about a wind turbine in the bottom.of someone's garden.

Also many things have "a woefully small cubic capacity"

And "there's two ways to get Urmston" and "fell off a diving board in Guernsey" get snuck into conversation every now and then.

We always tell the kids that we've taught people on TV how to do what they're doing. E.g. Gymnastics we will say "ooooh I taught him that!"
And we call Winnie the Pooh Winnie the Phoo (my dad spelt it wrong once still makes me laugh)

Whenever me or DP goes on about something for a while, we usually end it with "Oh here I am blabbering on about myself, when I forgot to ask you about your husband's car crash!" to which the other replies "Oh, he's dead Miss Babs!" (It's from Acorn Antiques)

Oh and any question on a quiz that is "What was X doing when they died?" gets answered with "clutching their chest?" (think it's from Dinnerladies)

We're well aware we're odd!

We do a lot of pointing and saying "Is that yours?" at random objects. The more incongruous the better.

A lone shoe lying by the road will be pointed at and "oh look, someone's lost a shoe. Is it yours?".

I don't even know why we do it. But we just do.

I once left a man because he was a giant shitting arse of a man refused to play along with one of these things to do with taking the papers. I forget what it was now. All I can remember is that dh got it immediately so I married him instead :)

Lots of TV ones here too. I'm not even sure he knows they're TV ones.

"which was nice" at the end of any very long boasty story (Fast Show)

"it's the future!" Anytime some says garlic bread (Peter Kay Phoenix Nights)

"do you want to watch the fil-em" said in bad Oirish old lady accent (Father Ted) and if the person dh, always dh dithers or hesitates someone me will say helpfully "He gets his lad out!".

When my mum is poorly or sleeps in even if it's just a cough we say 'that jäger again?'

All because the first time she tried a few jäger bombs we didn't see her for a few
days due to the hangover she got.

Me and ProudBadDad have a few. He has this thing where he says a quote and I have to shout the film at him in 10 seconds or I'm a loser.

The whole family, mine and his, have a rule. The last person to hold it touch the baby before she shits has to change her nappy.

Me and a friend tend to have more in jokes than me and my family. We talk in film quotes.

Current favourite is to say that's isn't any it's a M&S

"That would be an ecumenical matter!" (Used whenever we don't want to answer a question the kids have asked us)

"He didn't get anywhere, I was in a wrap around cardigan" (whenever someone has tried to do something and failed.)

"Your mum/dad has flown to Switzerland for a new cosmetic treatment. Only one man performs the procedure, and they want to see him before he's extradited." (from Frasier, used when one of us is out and the kids ask where we've gone)

"out damn spot" regularly used to send the dog out of a room. My father used it but was never allowed to name any of our dogs Spot.
He pinched it from a rather famous author.

steppemum we had WAS for tea when we were kids too!