Family party- stealing my thunder!

[popalittlepancakeintothepan]

Ok, I'm not seething angry, so please don't tell me I'm being ridiculous. I'm just a little surprised at this really!

I've arranged a family party for two family members' birthdays soon. Everyone was notified via FB yesterday. This evening, SIL has arranged a family party for the DAY BEFORE ours. It's not for a particular event, so could be done at a later date. My party, however, needs to roughly coincide with the birthdays, plus we're a bit restricted with dates due to bday boy working and not being able to take time off at weekends.

I was tempted to say I couldn't attend her party as I'll be busy preparing for my bloody party the very next day! I won't, I will pop in for a bit, but I do feel there's something a bit off here.

Doesn't seem like a big deal to me unless you're worried everyone will be hungover at yours

She's probably equally annoyed at you that you ruined her plans.

Yes I am worried about people being hungover. I just think it's odd really. I wouldn't try to arrange something in that way if she'd arranged hers first. Some family members are elderly and probably won't manage both.

Apparently she's only just decided to do it. It wasn't something she'd been planning for a while.

That's annoying

Maybe it was the only day she could do and she just didn't think

Do you get on otherwise?

I'm not sure I see the problem?

How bizarre. Do you think everyone will go to both? I think in the circumstances I would go to one and it would be your one, because it is to celebrate birthdays (and it was arranged first).

It's definitely weird.

Talk to her?

I'm not sure I see the problem? really? You don't have any flexibility of thought that may allow you to see why this could be a bit of an issue?

OP it's not a declaration of war, but at best it's thoughtless

'Stealing my thunder' seems like such an odd way of expressing it like you want the attention rather than the people whose birthday it is? It sounds a bit odd but unless there are other issues with sil yabu a bit u.

We get on because we have to, not because we actually like each other as people.

Actually I've just thought, we had a similar thing last year. My Nan's 80th BBQ was going to be at ours, but she then insisted that she had to host it because she wanted her parents and siblings there, (my Nan doesn't even like her family though!)

There was also Christmas. We said we'd host it at ours and she insisted it had to be at hers because they'd be moving to a different house the following year and she wanted to host in that house.

I´d give her a ring and talk to her about it. Seems odd that she´d plan a party the day before yours.

really? You don't have any flexibility of thought that may allow you to see why this could be a bit of an issue?

Oh I have flexibility of thought. I just don't get why someone having a do is an issue for someone else. Surely people attending both would just think 'cool, 2 nights out this weekend'

Only a child would think their 'thunder' was being stolen

Try not to worry too much! Hopefully family and friends will see yours has a purpose and your SIL's hasn't!

It could be a lack of thought on your SIL's part. Unless you are omitting some gossip about why you think your SIL has done this?

Why don't you ask her outright why she has planned a party a day before the birthday party.

I will admit, I would be silently seething too but your potential guests could be just as flummoxed as you!

What is your problem Migraleve? Grow up and stop being rude. I'm just asking is it odd. Not having a bloody tantrum. You're seriously childish if you have to get so aggressive over a chat.

The more I think about it, the more I think there is something odd going on- just because of what I said above about the previous two events that she's taken over.

Very odd. I won't lose any sleep over it though. I'll just make it an awesome party for the birthday people.

Go. Take notes.
Then make sure your party is much better and more fun than hers.

TBH, i would have sent her a message asking if she wanted to wear your knickers before you too

What is your problem Migraleve? Grow up and stop being rude. I'm just asking is it odd. Not having a bloody tantrum. You're seriously childish if you have to get so aggressive over a chat.

I was responding to someone who was rude to me

My comment to you was that I don't see the problem, and I genuinely don't. Unless all the mutual attendees have no ability to control their drinking and are likely to get wrecked and miss your planned event?

Good idea Couldntmakethisshitup!

My mum has said in the past (not in a horrible way- just in a matter-of-factly kind of way) that SIL is jealous because I have my own home, husband, kid, good career etc. So she tries to put on a show a bit.

Just seems like this has happened a few times now, so it's hard not to take it personally.

Now, how to make this party awesome...?

No everyone is a bright young thing. Older guests, people who have to travel, get babysitters, don't enjoy socialising but make an effort, only have one outfit (might not stop me, but hey different strokes). If attendees would be repeated its unrealistic to expect everyone to do the double. In that way it's a compromise on the OP's night.

Clearly some people like me will go to both, others will have to/want to/need to, do one of the other.

^^ in case some people can't genuinely think of why it's a bit of an issue.

Yeah that is a bit off to suddenly have a party the very day before yours. Especially if it's the same guests as everyone will have shared their news etc and yours will be a bit of a repeat performance. You'll just have to make yours better!

Yanbu, aside from people not wanting to go to an event hungover, I assume childcare issues may be a problem, as well as money, I know you say it's a family thing but taxis alone can cost a lot.

However, I'd be more inclined to pick a celebration to go to rather than a just because party.

Im not sure its jealousy but more attention seeking behaviour. The fact that its happened before is odd. It would really piss me off. I would have a chat with her and see what she says.