Family party- stealing my thunder!

[popalittlepancakeintothepan]

Ok, I'm not seething angry, so please don't tell me I'm being ridiculous. I'm just a little surprised at this really!

I've arranged a family party for two family members' birthdays soon. Everyone was notified via FB yesterday. This evening, SIL has arranged a family party for the DAY BEFORE ours. It's not for a particular event, so could be done at a later date. My party, however, needs to roughly coincide with the birthdays, plus we're a bit restricted with dates due to bday boy working and not being able to take time off at weekends.

I was tempted to say I couldn't attend her party as I'll be busy preparing for my bloody party the very next day! I won't, I will pop in for a bit, but I do feel there's something a bit off here.

I think it will cause an argument if I say anything. Plus, she's now invited everyone.

Talk to her calmly. Perhaps even offer to do a joint party x

That's so weird. I'd be annoyed.

I would hate to have to go out two nights in a row, particularly with the same crowd. My sister would love it. She's an extrovert, I'm a reasonably sociable introvert.

Is it possible your sil is like my sister and can't understand why everyone else wouldn't love it too?

Surely people attending both would just think 'cool, 2 nights out this weekend'

I've got to say I wouldn't. I'd be thinking "Sod it, got to dress up and drag my corpse out two nights running, no peaceful nights in at home his weekend". I'd far rather spread my parties out.

"that SIL is jealous because I have my own home, husband, kid, good career etc."

Does your SIL not have a home, husband, child and good career?

I was assuming that she at least had a DH, your brother, but perhaps she is the unmarried DSis of your husband.

Either way, it hardly matters ... but you do sound quite full of yourself there, so perhaps she does it simply to annoy.

YANBU- she has obviously done it on purpose to upstage your party

I wouldn't go to two parties two nights in a row where all the guests will be at both parties

It's a dick move and those who 'don't see a problem' are the dicks who would do it in the first place!

Are you Thor?

Even speaking to her calmly would cause an argument. There's no reasoning with her. I think if I suggested a joint party it would just become her thing, and it would have to be held at her house. The birthdays are my son's and husband's, so it's only right that I plan/host it. I gave in and let her take over the 80th and Christmas events so that there wouldn't be any friction. I'm not cancelling again!
Does anyone have any ideas for what could make it extra special and different to the first party?

"Surely people attending both would just think 'cool, 2 nights out this weekend'"
Like hell I would.

Adidhnesteatencold- I was quoting my mother, so no I wasn't full of myself.

No she doesn't have any of the things on the list. She's DBs partner, not really married, so no husband, not that it actually matters really. Thats just what my mum said is her issue.

She's a crazy thunder-stealing cowbag btw. Who does that?

Adishbestservedcold- And what my mum meant by 'me having a home' is that she doesn't own her own home. She's just recently moved into DB's rented home after they broke up for a couple of years. Again, not that it actually matters at all, but my mum said it's why she's apparently jealous.

Sorry I don't know how to tag/quote PPs on this app. Doing my best to type out your names and address points.

It's a dick move and those who 'don't see a problem' are the dicks who would do it in the first place!

Oh please do fuck off

Just because I didn't see a problem with the timing (and I will just add that I posted BEFORE further info was given) doesn't mean I am a 'dick' or that I would do it myself.

Far too much judgment of piss all right there

This reminds me of the time a family wedding had been arranged with invites sent out, then a six weeks before the wedding, a cousin sent out invites to hers the day before! The weddings were several hundred miles apart. She then became very upset when her grandparents told her, in no uncertain terms, that they wouldn't be able to attend hers as they'd accepted the first - she changed the date to a few days before to enable them to go to both!

How to make it awesome? Well, birthday cards/gifts/cake will do a good job on that one.

If you want to beat SiL at her own game, any gifts/cards that are brought the day before, quickly take them and say "Oh we'll save them for the BIRTHDAY party tomorrow."

I'm assuming that your DH's family won't be at her party, so a slightly different crowd as well.

ohhhh so many ideas! I would sabotage from afar, suggesting themes ideas and food that you >totally< will be having that in real life you know would bore the pants off everyone. (who doesn't love a Magic the Gathering themed party right?) .
TBH just make yours a far classier and well organised affair. would people be staying over in a nearby hotel? if so ask if you could get a group discount. see what could be done in terms of childminding at the event, or a professional entertainer.

Have fun with it, I'm sure plenty of others are thinking WTF is your SIL doing having a party for no reason just before yours. x

There wouldn't be a total crossover of guests would there? How many people would be invited to both compared to how many just invited to yours?

How odd. I'd be seething! Hopefully people will prioritise the first invite received.

Given the other events, definitely a bit weird. Next time there's going to be a party, organised by you, tell her in advance and say you don't want other events near it. I think that's fair enough, tbh. If she then insists on doing something, then you have your answer. Speak to your db and tell him she's a pain in the bloody arse.

((((((((((Hugs))))))) OP. I hope all come to your party and none to hers

Depends heavily on the crossover of the guest lists, really.

Nobody wants to go to parties with 90% of the same people, two nights in a row!