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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP fucked off over the weekend. We work together. WIBU to tell his bosses?

54 replies

WorkingWithYourExIsShit · 30/07/2017 22:52

DP (cohabiting for several years, not married) packed his bags and moved out with no warning or explanation while I was at work. First I knew of it was when I came home and found our house mostly empty - there wasn't even a note. He's taken everything he owns, most of the things we owned together and some things that were definitely mine (e.g. a Christmas present from dad which he has no use for). He's also left me in the shit financially as I can't pay the rent by myself and the landlord is (as is his right) demanding that I pay up for next month's rent, and I've got the utility bills etc. to cover.

We work together in the same mid-sized (100-ish employees) organisation, so everyone knows everyone. I'm permanent, he's PT freelance, so I am a lot more secure than he is. We were together long before either of us worked there, and I got him the freelancing contract almost a year ago - they've kept extending it.

We're in a different chain of command, but I know his bosses pretty well and I'm quite friendly with them. He doesn't really know my bosses. I don't want to have to work with him (I don't usually have to), but often cross paths with him, and would appreciate a heads up when he's going to be in that office so I can work at our other office when it's practical.

WIBU to email my bosses and his bosses to tell them
a) what he's done (and set out the level of cuntery that this involves)
b) that I'd like a heads up when he's going to be in so I can avoid him on the grounds that I can't trust him to be professional in my presence
Or is this going to come off as someone who's bringing their personal life into their work life?

OP posts:
stopfuckingshoutingatme · 30/07/2017 22:54

No ! Don't

As it might backfire OP

Cherish your work and your Sanity and remember that revenge is a dish best served cold

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 30/07/2017 22:55

Sorry though . What a nasty and hurtful man

But don't tell work !

GoodBadOrIndifferent · 30/07/2017 22:55

Don't do it. No matter how pissed off you are. It has nothing to do with your work and would make you seem really unprofessional. Flowers for such a shit situation, he's a cunt.

chipsandpeas · 30/07/2017 22:56

no dont drag it into work, chances are you will come off the worst

NerdyBird · 30/07/2017 22:56

Do you think he's likely to still turn up for work? If so, I'd leave it. If he's more likely to let them down you could possibly approach it from that side of things. A discreet word with your manager in person would be better I think.

Xeneth88 · 30/07/2017 22:57

No its nothing to do with work. How unprofessional! Sorry for your break up. Flowers

ImperialBlether · 30/07/2017 22:57

No, don't send an email!

loaferloveforyou · 30/07/2017 22:58

It will come across as unprofessional although I understand the temptation.

What an utter shit

Gingerandgivingzerofucks · 30/07/2017 22:58

I wouldn't, but I'd be asking for my stuff back, pronto, with dire even if empty threats of what you'll say if they aren't returned asap.

rachrach2 · 30/07/2017 22:58

As this is a very difficult situation for you and likely to affect you significantly for a while, I'd expect you to tell your boss just like you probably would if he didn't work there (I certainly told my bosses when my previous serious relationships ended). I wouldn't email his bosses, I'd leave that to your manager if appropriate.

kingfishergreen · 30/07/2017 22:59

I'm afraid it will come off as unprofessional. The very best you can do is behave absolutely immaculately, so that everyone sees him for the cunt he is.

I 10/10 would want to do the same, though.

I had a very similar experience in 2010. My then boyfriend (13 years on and off) called me at 7:30 on a Thursday evening to say he'd be home in 20 minutes, he never came home. I haven't seen him since. I thought he was dead. Five days later he called his Mum, he'd met someone else (he claims on the way home, I don't believe that). This story is pretty outing so 'hi' to anyone who knows me IRL.

I know you want to rip his life up, I know you want him to hurt, I really really get it. But trust me, you'll look back at this time, and you'll judge yourself on how you behaved.

Keep your head held high, don't stoop, don't allow yourself to get involved with his bullshit, because you're better than that.

PovertyJetset · 30/07/2017 22:59

No no no.

But you can put it about subtly through less formal channels what a shit he has been Wink

GinIsIn · 30/07/2017 23:00

Just "confide" in the office gossip instead. Job done for you....

GinIsIn · 30/07/2017 23:01

Oops - XP with Poverty

Justgivemesomepeace · 30/07/2017 23:02

None of this is any concern of your bosses. Yes you are going to come across as someone who's bringing their personal life into work. As a manager I would be happy for someone to give me the heads up that they had some personal problems going on and may require some support, but I certainly wouldn't be helping them avoid someone, or wanting know about cuntery levels.

MrsHathaway · 30/07/2017 23:03

I think you should tell your boss, because there might be something they can do re emergency time off or an advance on your salary (practical help) and it gives them a heads-up that you might be distracted or upset. In a nice organisation it's completely normal to seek support from management in this kind of unusual and unexpected life- changing circumstance. If the confidence is treated appropriately it won't get to his department at all, except discreetly ensuring you and he aren't put together if there's another option.

However. It's clear you've been sideswiped by this. What resources can you call on - family? credit card? police? If he has removed from your house things which are undeniably yours then that's theft.

Sashkin · 30/07/2017 23:04

Definitely don't email his bosses. I would probably have a quiet word with your bosses to explain that you've split up quite messily and that you would therefore prefer to avoid him as much as possible.

I expect that word will get round since it's a small company, but you don't want to give the impression of creating a-woman-scorned drama yourself. It looks unprofessional. Look dignified and don't be seen to be slagging him off in public (instead slag him off to your closest friends who can tell everyone else how awful he is for you).

Niceteeth · 30/07/2017 23:07

kingfishergreen have you ever worked in a dental practice? Sorry it's just your story does sound familiar!

NC4now · 30/07/2017 23:10

If he's done that, there's every chance he won't go back to work either. Not if he's freelance.
Tell your boss if you need practical support. They may think it's appropriate to tell his boss, so they can work out a fair way of dealing with it. But don't go to his boss yourself.
It will just look like you are trying to make him look bad he's done that for himself

kingfishergreen · 30/07/2017 23:16

niceteeth nope that's not me, there must be more than one hideously spurned person out there!

MrsOverTheRoad · 30/07/2017 23:21

What a wanker! Could you just tell your friends and they will tell his boss? Put it about at work? What will you do about the rent?

MrsLupo · 30/07/2017 23:24

Don't email. Dropping someone in the shit is much better done verbally. As a pp said, you might look into arranging an advance on your salary, and will obviously need to explain why. News travels fast in an office environment without you having to do any of the dirty work.

Sorry about your relationship. His behaviour has been shitty by anyone's standards.

TatianaLarina · 30/07/2017 23:26

No, but you should tell your boss what has happened, by way of explanation as to why you may be stressed at work this week.

It will likely get back to his bosses anyway.

Migraleve · 30/07/2017 23:27

No don't tell on him, you are adults not 10yo's. The boss is not interested in your personal lives.

Sorry he was an arsehole but hold your head high

user1489675144 · 30/07/2017 23:35

No it is nothing to do with work.