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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP fucked off over the weekend. We work together. WIBU to tell his bosses?

54 replies

WorkingWithYourExIsShit · 30/07/2017 22:52

DP (cohabiting for several years, not married) packed his bags and moved out with no warning or explanation while I was at work. First I knew of it was when I came home and found our house mostly empty - there wasn't even a note. He's taken everything he owns, most of the things we owned together and some things that were definitely mine (e.g. a Christmas present from dad which he has no use for). He's also left me in the shit financially as I can't pay the rent by myself and the landlord is (as is his right) demanding that I pay up for next month's rent, and I've got the utility bills etc. to cover.

We work together in the same mid-sized (100-ish employees) organisation, so everyone knows everyone. I'm permanent, he's PT freelance, so I am a lot more secure than he is. We were together long before either of us worked there, and I got him the freelancing contract almost a year ago - they've kept extending it.

We're in a different chain of command, but I know his bosses pretty well and I'm quite friendly with them. He doesn't really know my bosses. I don't want to have to work with him (I don't usually have to), but often cross paths with him, and would appreciate a heads up when he's going to be in that office so I can work at our other office when it's practical.

WIBU to email my bosses and his bosses to tell them
a) what he's done (and set out the level of cuntery that this involves)
b) that I'd like a heads up when he's going to be in so I can avoid him on the grounds that I can't trust him to be professional in my presence
Or is this going to come off as someone who's bringing their personal life into their work life?

OP posts:
Lynnm63 · 30/07/2017 23:37

I agree with others not to email but to have a quiet word with your boss to ask for an advance on salary and explain why and Then either tell the office gossip or better still let them overhear it, you could always call a friend or the speaking block and be talking about it when the Office gossip is in earshot, sit back and wait for the fallout.

Original poster
WorkingWithYourExIsShit · 30/07/2017 23:37

Thanks for talking some sense into me MN

I'll let office gossip do the rounds. We're all pretty supportive / friendly with each other and even my boss told me when he was going through a (rather less dramatic) break up and discussions of private lives are considered standard, so it's not going to look out of place

OP posts:
ClemDanfango · 30/07/2017 23:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sobeyondthehills · 30/07/2017 23:55

Op

I would write the email, don't hold anything back and then delete it I agree with PP dont send it, but writing it, might help

Original poster
WorkingWithYourExIsShit · 30/07/2017 23:58

On the finances - I'm in London and I earn too much to be eligible for any benefits, but not enough to afford a one bed flat by myself, so I'm going into some sort of shared house. It's a good job I quite like shared houses if the housemates are sociable.

Luckily I have some savings to tide me over, and I'm still working on solutions to the whole rent thing - I'll make a final decision once I've worked out if I can get the entire deposit back in my name to cover his portion of the rent

OP posts:
AnnieAnoniMouse · 31/07/2017 00:47

What a cunty thing to do, to just up & leave like that. Did you think things were ok?

Double cunty to take your stuff too 😮 Start making a list, it'll probably take you a while to realise what else is missing, other than the obvious.
I hope you can get your stuff & some of your shared stuff back.

absolutelynot · 31/07/2017 01:06

if he is childish enough to cut and run like that, he will let work know in his own way. tht gives you the chance to respond to questions dignified and professionally. dont email anybody!

worridmum · 31/07/2017 01:15

tbh I would advrise against it as all it would do is make you look bad and unproffessional and could actully be worse outcome for you then just ignoring it.

And telling the gossip is equally as bad as it will come back on you if he acts all proffesional and you are going around spreading nasty stuff (despite it being true it would end up your word agaisnt his and that sort of thing never leaves anyone better off).

While shout / rant at friends do not take these problems to work

worridmum · 31/07/2017 01:19

I say this as a one time manager that was approached for a similar issue and the person wanted me to fire / make the persons lfe difficult (they both worked for the company).

I basically told the employee that while i had all the sympty for her and would help her personally with short notice AL i would not damage their former partners career no matter how much they wanted me to do so and gave them advice to leave personal stuff and proffesional stuff separated.

Belladonna123 · 31/07/2017 01:44

Flowers sorry this has happened to you OP

However please resist the temptation to email his bosses. You are better than that.

Take care

Shadow666 · 31/07/2017 01:46

Focus on getting your stuff back. He had no right to steal your stuff. I hope you can find a new place to live soon.

ReanimatedSGB · 31/07/2017 02:14

If he's cut and run so suddenly from you he may have cut and run from work as well.
I agree with PP who have said: don't try to shit-stir at work, it will backfire, but do tell your own immediate manager that your DP has left and you have to move house etc.
And, sorry this has happened to you. Best wishes.

RhubardGin · 31/07/2017 07:04

Hi OP,

What an awful thing to be going through Flowers

Agree with PP's. Don't get work involved, the rumours will die down eventually. Just hold your head up high.

Have you heard from your ExP since? Was this completely out of the blue?

Sounds very strange!

KoalaDownUnder · 31/07/2017 07:14

He's an A-grade cunt, alright.

Take the high road.

OnionKnight · 31/07/2017 07:20

He's a cunt but don't email his boss, I've seen it backfire rather spectacularly first hand when an ex colleague did exactly what you want to do.

gingertigercat · 31/07/2017 07:40

Is the tenancy solely in your name? If it's in both your names I would tell the landlord that you can't afford to cover your ex dp part and direct the landlord to his place of work etc so that the landlord can try and recover the money from him?

Bluntness100 · 31/07/2017 07:42

The bosses are not parents you snitch to. And trying to get him fired, which I suspect is what's behind this, you don't want his contract renewed as revenge, just makes you as shitty as him.

Be the bigger person. He's been awful but no need for you to be also.

Hopefully you can start to come through this and realise it's for the best because you've just realised what an arsehole he is. 💐

Atthebottomofthegarden · 31/07/2017 07:44

What a twat. Flowers. Hope you get your stuff back.

From what you've said, I doubt he'll be back at work, or at least certainly not in your section. I think a quiet word with your boss to give him the heads up, and perhaps some more vitriolic words to your immediate colleagues should suffice. Word will spread!

Butterymuffin · 31/07/2017 07:44

Do the quiet word about being stressed / financial problem thing as pp have said. I wouldn't be surprised if he also doesn't show up for work, given the circumstances.

Roundandroundtheapartment · 31/07/2017 07:45

Mention it to your manager and then leave it there, I'm sure it'll get around the office soon enough and if he's cowardly enough to leave without an explanation then I doubt he's going to show up to work and face you there.
Have you spoken to any of his family to see if they've heard from him

Crunchymum · 31/07/2017 07:47

Is it a joint tenancy?

IdoHaveAName · 31/07/2017 07:52

For the love of God - DON'T.

Goingtobeawesome · 31/07/2017 07:54

Focus on paying the rent and getting your stuff back. You can report him to the police for theft.

TeachesOfPeaches · 31/07/2017 07:56

I also told the office gossip about my awkward break up (was a former colleague and I had a baby very quickly and it was horrendous) and they told everyone on my behalf and it never got mentioned again.

Iluvthe80s · 31/07/2017 08:22

Absolutely do not email . Keep it professional. get your stuff back and move on

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