Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please tell me I'm being stupid

54 replies

StupidSlimyGit · 30/07/2017 20:15

This is ridiculous, I've had two full blown panic attacks today which have left me sat on the floor barely able to breathe. I go back to work tomorrow, I've had 9 months off for mat leave but my pay has now run out and no way can I afford three months with no pay so I have to go back, but I'm terrified. I only work at a supermarket, it's hardly like I'm managing the national debt!
DD will be with her dad so I'm not worried about her, I know she will be safe and looked after but the thought of work itself is making me feel sick.
The girl DDs dad had an affair with will be there (we all work for the same company) swanning round as if everything's fine, her life still in tact when mine has been shattered and the pieces blown away in the wind. I'll have to look at her smug self satisfied little face knowing everything I now know and knowing everyone else knows. Everyone knew before I went on mat leave, I'm a laughing stock.
The guy who sexually harassed me is still there. We don't have to work on the same team but I still have to see him. What if he's sent on lunch break at the same time as me? I can't sit in our tiny canteen with him and the only other place for staff is the smoking area which I can't go to because of my health issues. So this mean if he's sent on break when I am I can't have a break, but I have low blood sugar so this could cause me problems in the evening.
I'm spread across several departments, I'm good at my job, I'm competent at the computer work, good at the paper work and my customers remember me by name and have even asked staff how I am since I've been off so I cant be bad in that area either, so why am I so fucking terrified. I'll have 30 mins refresher training to update my knowledge (cigarette laws have changed and so have the till systems) then I'll be with customers all day.
I don't want to have to face him, I don't want to have to see her, I don't want to have to answer the questions about all the rumours that have gone round about me her and the sexual harassment guy. My brain feels like mush, I know I'm going to spend all day making mistakes and getting yelled at. What the hell do I do now?

Sorry this is so long and rambling, I'm a wreck, it's stupid. Please just tell me it'll all be fine and how ridiculous I'm being. I need to go to work, I will go, I'm just so scared.

OP posts:
dadadadathatslife · 30/07/2017 20:17

Before I read your thread i though YABU but after reading it YANBU at all.

The other girl sounds awful. Can you switch to another branch?

Bluepansies · 30/07/2017 20:17

Oh you poor thing. Go in, and I promise there's no way it could be worse than what's running through your mind right now. And by this time tomorrow you'll have got through the first day and be feeling a lot better because you'll have survived it x

Bluntness100 · 30/07/2017 20:18

I remember your other threads. Are you still with this man?

As for work, it's all their doing , not yours. Hold your head up high and remember they are all the scumbags, not you.

BasedOnTrueEvents · 30/07/2017 20:22

They are all sound awful. Hold your head up high and ignore them. Why should you feel embarrassed when you've done nothing wrong and they've behaved really badly?

On a practical note, can you sit in your car for lunch if you can't face the canteen? You've also been off for quite a while so it's perfectly possible some new people may have joined the team who you can sit with.

I would also make an appointment with your GP to discuss your panic attacks and anxiety.

Original poster
StupidSlimyGit · 30/07/2017 20:23

Thankyou for being lovely, it feels so stupid being so stressed over a job I know I can do because I've done it for years!
I can't move to a different branch, nearest is over 20 miles and I don't drive because of health issues, it would cost me 2.5 hours wages a day to get there and back so just isn't viable I'm afraid.
I'm not still dating him but I cant move out of the home we share, I can't afford to live alone and untill I find out where I stand with this Universal credit there is just no way I dare move and start claiming because I put myself and my daughter in a situation where we could very quickly become homeless then I'll lose her and I can't lose another DD. I buried my first, I can't lose my second because I'm too chicken to tough it out.

I will definitely go in tomorrow, I've told them I will its all arranged I just feel so scared

OP posts:
Original poster
StupidSlimyGit · 30/07/2017 20:25

I'm under a mental health team for my anxiety and panic attacks (can't take beta blockers because of asthma which becomes a serious issue on them). I've got PTSD, anxiety, depression, personality disorder and a few physical health issues so I see doctors and specialists probably at least once a month and am on medication for my MH.

OP posts:
Bobbiepin · 30/07/2017 20:30

You're stronger than this. Workplace gossip fades very quickly. You've been off for 9 months and you can almpst guarantee that someone else has had drama in thw mean time. Hold your head up high and remember the technqiues that your MH team taught you. This is the first opportunity for you to teach your daughter that you are stronger than anything life can throw at you and you and her together can face anything. Good luck!

LIZS · 30/07/2017 20:30

Sounds dreadful and am sorry the situation hasn't produced more support for you. Are there any other retailers in the local area? Tbh a fresh start on more than one front sounds in order. You shouldn't have to , but I think you need to look for another job and make alternative plans.

Sparklepants · 30/07/2017 20:32

Definitely not unreasonable to feel how you do. Just remember to hold your head up high and that you did nothing wrong and fuck the gossips.

When feeling stressed think of your dd and remember you are there doing it for her and give her a big squeeze when you get home. How many hours have you got to work tomorrow?

joopy79 · 30/07/2017 20:44

You have done nothing wrong, they should be embarrassed not you.

If it were me I'd take a book or a magazine to read during my break, so that if they are around you can ignore them.

Original poster
StupidSlimyGit · 30/07/2017 20:47

There's nothing much else in the area, and they've bent over backwards to get me a contract that fits round my childcare because DDs dad works an odd pattern. I was looking into training in something else but I need this job to pay for any education I want to do.
They're definitely still talking about it sadly, it's a small town and it's been bought up with me twice the last time I went shopping.
I have a ten hour shift Sad

OP posts:
dangermouseisace · 30/07/2017 20:59

YANBU.

Practice your best 'fuck off' stare for sexual harassment idiot and no morals woman, and as PP said, take something to do. You've done nothing wrong, you're in the right so though it's hard don't feel intimidated. THEY should be the ones to be uncomfortable about your return, not you.

People can ask questions- you don't have to answer and can state that you are not discussing that with them. They will soon stop asking.

You can do this Flowers

biscuitmillionaire · 30/07/2017 21:00

If anyone asks about the gossip, just say 'I'd rather not discuss it, thanks' then change the subject.
It sounds horrific that you have to work in the same company as someone who sexually harassed you, though. Did you make a formal complaint about him? (sorry I don't know about any previous threads)

kateandme · 30/07/2017 21:01

To carry on after ur troubles is amazing.focus on that.ur telling what if stories in ur head right now.ruminate never helps.because how u think isn't often how things occur.ur feeling sad> leads to more unwelcome scenarios.>makes u more sad..then upset...leads to more what ifs....more sadness ...more dislike for urself and what's happening.this is creating circles of horrid feelings.horrid fight or flight mode....
What if its not Luke u imagine.if the strength Uve shown already gives u the tools to great get through this utechniques.why r u imaging the worst?flip it on head...what if u can do tbis!imagine a day where u don't let the bastards win!wow feels good eh.smile at ur power.strengths.resilience.wow!
Look up some breathing techniques fr if at points u need to calm down.wen u panic is wen u tell ursel horrible stories and fear runs away with u.in 4...hold 5...out 7.repeat.
Don't hide away.try buildingwork how u now want it to be.you won by surviving already luv

biscuitmillionaire · 30/07/2017 21:01

A mantra for you:
Whatever happens, I can handle it.
Whatever happens, I can handle it.
Whatever happens, I can handle it.

namechangedforthisreply · 30/07/2017 21:07

OP I remember your other threads. You are so brave and hopefully once you get through tomorrow it will all seem more manageable.

Great advice above and just to add you have done nothing wrong and have nothing to be ashamed of

Wishing you luck for tomorrow.

bluebrushes · 30/07/2017 21:29

Don't know your previous history, but from this post you sound like an unbelievably strong woman/ mother - your love for your DD WILL get you through this.
Don't let the bastards (smallness of OTHER peoples lives) get YOU down.You WILL get your education and a better life for you and your DD.
I can feel it from your written words.Reread the posts on this thread until they are stuck in your brain.XXX
Go get them tomorrow . Best of luck

Littledrummergirl · 30/07/2017 21:35

Join your union asap. You will get good advice, support and representation from them to get any harassment stopped.

Hold your head high.

Original poster
StupidSlimyGit · 30/07/2017 21:49

Mumsnet keeps deleting my replies instead of posting them sorry Confused I'll try again!
Thankyou for being so lovely, I think maybe I just needed to talk to someone about it.
I did report the harassment and it was dealt with in the end but it took ages and that's how OW came out of the woodwork, turns out DDs dad had something to do with the original cause of the harassment. We've had a management shift round and some people retrained, others put on supervision because of mismanagement of the complaint.
I apparently have a very good "death glare" so I'll take my book and headphones tomorrow and use it on OW or harassing git if they approach me. I've checked my paperwork from the investigation and if he approaches me and I can prove it he could lose his job so fingers crossed that will keep him away.
thankyou for the support, I'm trying to stay calm and hopefully tomorrow will go fine.

OP posts:
geekone · 30/07/2017 22:28

Good luck tomorrow Flowers

EZA15 · 31/07/2017 13:40

How's it going op?

Fingermoose · 31/07/2017 14:05

Thinking of you today OP Flowers

Original poster
StupidSlimyGit · 31/07/2017 22:58

Thankyou for the support everyone. It went ok, harassment git made an appearance but had the manners to put his head down and leave.
They've taken me off most of the systems and have basically said I'm no longer going to be training for management, but I'm good on a till so there's that. My customers really are lovely I don't think I'd have managed without them. I'm just exhausted and in a lot of pain now. Ridiculously I'm crying again Hmm taking dd to bed to try and sleep because I have to start at opening tomorrow.
Thankyou again

OP posts:
YeahILoveSummer · 31/07/2017 23:08

Glad it went ok and you managed. You are stronger than you think. Just think if your beautiful daughter giving you a hug and a kiss whenever you feel down. Good luck x

BasedOnTrueEvents · 31/07/2017 23:10

Well done OP.