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AIBU?

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Original poster

Please tell me I'm being stupid

54 replies

StupidSlimyGit · 30/07/2017 20:15

This is ridiculous, I've had two full blown panic attacks today which have left me sat on the floor barely able to breathe. I go back to work tomorrow, I've had 9 months off for mat leave but my pay has now run out and no way can I afford three months with no pay so I have to go back, but I'm terrified. I only work at a supermarket, it's hardly like I'm managing the national debt!
DD will be with her dad so I'm not worried about her, I know she will be safe and looked after but the thought of work itself is making me feel sick.
The girl DDs dad had an affair with will be there (we all work for the same company) swanning round as if everything's fine, her life still in tact when mine has been shattered and the pieces blown away in the wind. I'll have to look at her smug self satisfied little face knowing everything I now know and knowing everyone else knows. Everyone knew before I went on mat leave, I'm a laughing stock.
The guy who sexually harassed me is still there. We don't have to work on the same team but I still have to see him. What if he's sent on lunch break at the same time as me? I can't sit in our tiny canteen with him and the only other place for staff is the smoking area which I can't go to because of my health issues. So this mean if he's sent on break when I am I can't have a break, but I have low blood sugar so this could cause me problems in the evening.
I'm spread across several departments, I'm good at my job, I'm competent at the computer work, good at the paper work and my customers remember me by name and have even asked staff how I am since I've been off so I cant be bad in that area either, so why am I so fucking terrified. I'll have 30 mins refresher training to update my knowledge (cigarette laws have changed and so have the till systems) then I'll be with customers all day.
I don't want to have to face him, I don't want to have to see her, I don't want to have to answer the questions about all the rumours that have gone round about me her and the sexual harassment guy. My brain feels like mush, I know I'm going to spend all day making mistakes and getting yelled at. What the hell do I do now?

Sorry this is so long and rambling, I'm a wreck, it's stupid. Please just tell me it'll all be fine and how ridiculous I'm being. I need to go to work, I will go, I'm just so scared.

OP posts:
DJBaggySmalls · 31/07/2017 23:17

You're a star. I hope things improve for your soon. Flowers

GlitterGlassEye · 31/07/2017 23:37

Hi op. Believe me, if you went homeless, you would not lose your dd but you would possibly be given temporary accommodation until a council house property becomes available. That's not the end of the world, she will be with you. You can go to college/uni and retrain for a new career or you find a new job. Would you be interested in that?

Thissameearth · 31/07/2017 23:46

Good work OP! This maybe isn't a matter to deal with now but bear in mind the point about you not training for management now. When feeling up to it question why not. Management is progress for you and more money for you and your DD. The reason must not be because you have a child to care for now or because you made a complaint - these are not lawful. Well done again.

Original poster
StupidSlimyGit · 01/08/2017 00:11

I really don't know what I would have done without mumsnet this last year, those of you who have replied honestly don't know just how much having that support helps there's something in my eye again
I'm thinking of retraining to do something to do with maths, I love numbers, I did think of maths teacher but every keeps telling me I shouldn't go into teaching with things the way they are. I'm good with paperwork too? I'm going to keep looking till I find something, hopefully there will be something I can do online so when she's asleep at night I can do it. That's the other issue if I tried to teach, I cant be at work, looking after her and on placements all at the same time, so I need something else. Paperwork and maths.... I'll keep looking.
I really was working hard for my promotion, it looked really close before I got pregnant but they've snatched it away. So sick of this company if I'm honest, they're staff took my confidence, my partner and now my chance of promotion. (angry is better than sobbing right?)
I did ask, I think I was just so shocked the "why?" Fell out of my mouth before my brain processed it. Put management contracts are fully flexible. You have to sign to say you are willing and able to work x hours over any day or time of the week with 4 weeks notice of the schedule for each week so unless I can find someone willing to take DD regularly at the drop of the hat it won't happen.

OP posts:
Original poster
StupidSlimyGit · 01/08/2017 00:18

Can't**
Their not they're **
Gah I'm not going to correct them all. Sorry I can't type well on this phone and it makes me look illiterate!

OP posts:
elephantoverthehill · 01/08/2017 00:25

I have read the thread and well done to you. My immediate thought was tax returns and book-keeping with your skills, both of which can be done from home and you can do on-line courses.

aaahhhBump · 01/08/2017 00:34

I remember your last thread. My heart broke for you.

Have you thought about book keeping or accountancy?

www.icslearn.co.uk/courses/accountancy-and-bookkeeping/

Original poster
StupidSlimyGit · 01/08/2017 00:35

Ooo that sounds good, there even might be scope to work from home there which could be brilliant for the future. I'll have a look when I get home tomorrow, do you know if that would be accountancy (which comes under business management on open university) or could I specialise and just do the book balancing side of things?

OP posts:
MissAlligned · 01/08/2017 00:36

I second the book keeping. Lots of people
Are running their own businesses and hits aren't any good with numbers and sometimes just not getting round to invoicing their clients.

See if you can do an online course then advertise in the local parish magazine and start off with doing work in the evenings as an 'extra'.

Original poster
StupidSlimyGit · 01/08/2017 00:36

Cross post, that looks brilliant... And shockingly affordable! I really should be sleeping but I'm going to have a good read tomorrow night. Thankyou!!!!! Flowers

OP posts:
aaahhhBump · 01/08/2017 00:37

Sorry meant to add. You are doing amazing. Don't give them head space.

Try to plan something for yourself on your day off. Even if it's just a nice bit of cake and a cup of tea when DD is napping. BrewCake

MissAlligned · 01/08/2017 00:37

I personally would go for book keeping for now. It'll be a quickish course and easy to run from home.

RS123 · 01/08/2017 01:19

Hi,
See how it goes over the next few days, but another shop might be the way to go - that and do look into book keeping courses. Even with the software out there it's still complex for business owners to do themselves, plus it's the easiest thing for people to delegate. Worth speaking to a business advice place if your town has mentoring/seminars for free, to find out about setting up your own business. It takes time to build up a client base but once you do you can choose who you work with and fit hours around you. Plus you always have shop work to fall back on or to boost income. Or train in bookkeeping, combine with your computer skills and see if there's a small office or two out there in need of an admin/bookkeeper. With the world as it is, even employed work can often include some home working.

EZA15 · 01/08/2017 06:23

Glad you're thinking of other opportunities, echoing pp's, you are doing brilliantly. I'm angry on your behalf, though, about them taking the management route off you. Could you phone the HR guy that was dealing with things and have a word?

Littleelffriend · 01/08/2017 06:30

Well done sounds like you smashed it.

Lanaa · 01/08/2017 07:00

You sound like an amazing woman OP and it was lovely to see the positivity when PP told you about accountancy/bookkeeping courses. Please do it! You'll be great I can feel it!

Regarding your workplace, they sound awful. TBH most people are probably on your side even though they are gossiping. I used to work in a similar environment and a woman had an affair with the very married manager. His wife worked on the bakery and was devastated. OM used to swan around smugly but we all felt nothing but distain towards her. No one said anything because of fear of repercussions, but she wasn't on anyone's Christmas card list. Just ignore her.

Regarding the management training. That is totally unfair. Are you in the union, could you seek their advice? I'm not sure of the laws but it doesn't sound right at all.

Alicetherabbit · 01/08/2017 07:15

Hello, accountant here, whilst it is a great profession don't let other put you off teaching, especially maths, there is a shortage in some areas and people are being offered a golden handshake to train in teaching maths. I considering changing careers. Try speaking to local college or schools for their opinion. Good luck

roundaboutshuh · 01/08/2017 07:45

OP - you were right to challenge the management training being taken away. (Why would a manager need to come in at the drop of a hat anyway?)
Bit dodgy that this is only mentioned now...

Anyway it sounds as though you handled yesterday well, and have some useful skills... can you get your company to sponsor you through some accountancy training?? See what HR can offer you?

Also - have you tried breathing techniques / meditation for the anxiety?

sashh · 01/08/2017 09:20

Go in.

You can go in, even if you are there for 20 mins and then need to go to the Dr who should sign you off.

It sounds a terrible situation, do you have IRL support.

Thissameearth · 01/08/2017 10:58

Hi OP - I mentioned querying management backtrack and said maybe not now but ONLY as I thought it might be too much for now not because it was inappropriate. you were absolutely right to question it now (and to question it further as it sounds like nonsense/unlawful) you're doing great 👍

MorrisZapp · 01/08/2017 11:06

Christ, that all sounds ghastly. But listen, I'm old as fuck and seen everything, and never in my life have I seen or heard people laughing because a pregnant woman has been cheated on. It's not a thing.

Gossip is human nature but nobody with even an ounce of humanity will laugh at you. It isn't funny. Good luck!

TheCuriousOwl · 01/08/2017 11:12

I remember your previous threads, well done for getting through yesterday!! I was going to also say bookkeeping or accountancy, not least because it sounds like you are very personable and people will also like having someone who can do their numbers but also be friendly and communicative too and explain things to them so they understand.

Going to work when you are really anxious is awful. You deserve a medal. xx

ClementineWardrobe · 01/08/2017 11:23

Just to add my support; you are really brave. When I had a really bad patch work itself helped me in the sense that I had 8 hours a day where I simply couldn't think of anything else but work. But then I didn't have two work with two shitbags who caused a lot of your distress and anxiety. I really do admire you, and wish you well. Book keeping sounds perfect. 🏆@StupidSlimyGit

Original poster
StupidSlimyGit · 01/08/2017 19:16

thissameearth I understood the reason, thank you!
Am looking into bookkeeping courses now while I'm doing dinner, looks good Grin
The HR people definitely won't sort this because it is genuinely in our management contracts. (I've been shown one)
I think as to teaching, maybe if I get into book keeping or something that gives me more flexibility then training to be a teacher could be the next step. I'll keep it in mind, but I do think how things are now the advice about not getting into teaching just yet could be very sound. I wont forget it though!
Company won't put me forward for training without me signing contracts to say i will stay with them for x time, and to be honest I think if I get it off my own back it'll be better anyway.
I use breathing techniques and am waiting for an EMDR course to become available but because of my asthma breathing techniques don't always work Blush
I have 1 or 2 friends in RL but not much support, they're always saying they will always be there for me but when I reach out they're too busy to talk Hmm
Thankyou for all the kind words and support. I feel like such a weak whiny person and I'm glad I don't come across that way.
Survived another 10 hours today!!! Got a special dinner and pudding as a well done to myself Blush Mumsnet told me to! That's my excuse anyway

OP posts:
namechangedforthisreply · 01/08/2017 21:11

Well done OP Star. Enjoy your special dinner

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