Please tell me I'm being stupid

[StupidSlimyGit]

This is ridiculous, I've had two full blown panic attacks today which have left me sat on the floor barely able to breathe. I go back to work tomorrow, I've had 9 months off for mat leave but my pay has now run out and no way can I afford three months with no pay so I have to go back, but I'm terrified. I only work at a supermarket, it's hardly like I'm managing the national debt!
DD will be with her dad so I'm not worried about her, I know she will be safe and looked after but the thought of work itself is making me feel sick.
The girl DDs dad had an affair with will be there (we all work for the same company) swanning round as if everything's fine, her life still in tact when mine has been shattered and the pieces blown away in the wind. I'll have to look at her smug self satisfied little face knowing everything I now know and knowing everyone else knows. Everyone knew before I went on mat leave, I'm a laughing stock.
The guy who sexually harassed me is still there. We don't have to work on the same team but I still have to see him. What if he's sent on lunch break at the same time as me? I can't sit in our tiny canteen with him and the only other place for staff is the smoking area which I can't go to because of my health issues. So this mean if he's sent on break when I am I can't have a break, but I have low blood sugar so this could cause me problems in the evening.
I'm spread across several departments, I'm good at my job, I'm competent at the computer work, good at the paper work and my customers remember me by name and have even asked staff how I am since I've been off so I cant be bad in that area either, so why am I so fucking terrified. I'll have 30 mins refresher training to update my knowledge (cigarette laws have changed and so have the till systems) then I'll be with customers all day.
I don't want to have to face him, I don't want to have to see her, I don't want to have to answer the questions about all the rumours that have gone round about me her and the sexual harassment guy. My brain feels like mush, I know I'm going to spend all day making mistakes and getting yelled at. What the hell do I do now?

Sorry this is so long and rambling, I'm a wreck, it's stupid. Please just tell me it'll all be fine and how ridiculous I'm being. I need to go to work, I will go, I'm just so scared.

I remember your other thread, after all you went through I'm so impressed that you went back to work under those circumstances, seriously impressed. You should be really proud of yourself.

I wanted to chip in and say bookkeeping, I see previous posters have had the same idea! I'm currently doing a bookkeeping course, Ive got no background in finance but I'm really enjoying it and hoping it will lead to self employment eventually.
I went with Ideal Schools, and for ICB because the exams are mostly taken online at home. With AAT bookkeeping the exams are taken at a test centre and there isn't one near me so it would've been difficult for me to arrange it around childcare.

I hope the rest of your week at work is easier.

Thankyou again for the lovely words. Long shift again today and I only got a 15 minute break. I couldn't cope with sitting in the canteen with him and he was sent up just after me but I've had my training on one of the other departments renewed and been given a few hours today on it. Strangely when they can't find anyone to do the work they suddenly start being nice again. It works in my favour though because it all shows on my record if I do want to transfer or get a reference.
Looking at book keeping courses, think I will go for one that the exams can be done at home aswell because childcare could be an issue otherwise.
hope you are all having a good week

OP I really admire your resilience. You've been through some monumentally shit times and the fact you're looking at the future with such optimism shows how strong you are.

Thankyou, it feels like I'm making a fuss about nothing sometimes so I'm so greatful for the support.