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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my child will never poo in a toilet???

72 replies

Mammabear31 · 29/07/2017 22:11

4yo DS. Will sit on the toilet, hold his poo for what feels like forever til he has a nappy on. We've tried taking them away; ended up with severe constipation and a traumatised child. No amount of bribery, sitting or anything will work. We've been trying for nearly 2 years and still no poo on the toilet. Am beginning to lose hope....

OP posts:

bastedyoungturkey · 29/07/2017 22:12

Poo goes to pooland?

MoMandaS · 29/07/2017 22:15

Been/still there. He's on Movicol now, and goes on the toilet most days. If we miss the Movicol for a day, he does it in his nighttime pull-up. He wasn't obviously constipated, but when we saw a paediatrician for a different reason, it was discussed and became clear that actually his poos were constipated poos. So, go to GP and talk about it and see what they say. Good luck!

DaniAlvez · 29/07/2017 22:16

No advice but we are in the same boat with DD 3.5. Asks for a nappy, does a poo but refuses toilet and potty. She does all her wees in the toilet. She was also a with holder so she is on Movicol long term to keep her poo soft. It is frustrating. Hopefully someone will be along with some tricks for us

MoMandaS · 29/07/2017 22:16

Oh also, look at ERIC website and, as pp has said, poo goes to pooland.

littletwofeet · 29/07/2017 22:18

Does he ask for the nappy when he needs a poo?

There is a technique you can try where you start really slowly with poos in the nappy but in the bathroom-do this for several weeks.
Let him watch you tip the poo into the toilet and flush it but don't make a big deal of it, just do it all matter of fact.

Then try poos in the nappy sitting on the toilet. Again for several weeks.

Then start loosening the nappy on the toilet, so maybe just undo the sides but hold the nappy up, then when he's used to that, loosen it a bit more so it's not really touching his bum.

I wouldn't take them away if it's making him constipated. Some children find pooing in the toilet really distressing.

What's he like with wees on the toilet?

Snafflebrain · 29/07/2017 22:19

YANBU to think this but your DC will eventually. My 5 yr old has only been pooing on the toilet for a couple of months and would only poo in a nappy. Have you tried movicol? It kept DS poo soft and regular and in time that removed the anxiety about going for a poo and sitting on the toilet. Obviously that's the really condensed version of the years of stress we had but we needed a good 6 month stretch of pain-free poos in nappies before we were successful with the latest attempt of getting him out of nappies and using the toilet.

ittakes2 · 29/07/2017 22:20

Try giving him a glass of water and a straw and get him go blow bubbles while he's on the toilet.

Phoenix76 · 29/07/2017 22:21

I went through this with dd1, it was incredibly frustrating and at times very distressing when she would cry as she seemed so terrified. Following advice I found on here, I bought a couple of "poo" books, i.e Liam does a poo, books specifically designed for the age group to help them understand (loads of variety on Amazon). It took about a week of reading these with her and then bingo, she just did it. So, barring any possible medical problems, these kind of books are worth a go in my experience especially as I really didn't hold out much hope that a book would help. Good luck!

GoingRogue · 29/07/2017 22:26

Can I join this club Please?

Ds1 - now 6.5 - potty trained easily at 2.5yrs old. Refused to poo anywhere but a nappy for months. Got strict and refused a nappy...he withheld for a week and ended up in massive pain and on Movicol for months. Six months later, he finally started pooing on the toilet

Fast forward a few years and now having the exact same issue with ds2. He's 3.5yrs old now, been potty trained for four months, but will only poo in a nappy. We have tried:

bribery (not that sort of kid)
watching YouTube videos
telling him all the poo poo nappies have gone now, and we only have night-time nappies. But then after two days I caved and gave him a nappy.

I'm really keen to avoid any constipation issues this time around, hence not making a fuss. We always flush it down the loo together and say "bye bye poop!" (The Poop Song on YouTube).

Also watching for any tricks. He will also only do it AT HOME, in the afternoon, which restricts our days out somewhat. He has his big brother's withholding skills

Want2beme · 29/07/2017 22:26

My niece went through something similar. She wouldn't poo in the loo up until she was 10 or there abouts. Her grannie, who's a retired nurse and has so much good advice, suggested getting her up out of bed, groggy from sleep and putting her on the loo and it worked, she would poo and didn't remember a thing about it. She's all grown up now and has no problem going. She used to say that she was too scared to poo.

Thethingswedoforlove · 29/07/2017 22:27

Poo goes to Pooland worked for my dd when she was 4.

JollyRodger · 29/07/2017 22:28

I feel for you OP! No advice as I am in the same boat with my nearly 4yr old DS. It's so frustrating but clearly not uncommon as I know others who have had the same problem! Will have to try the blowing bubbles suggestion! Thanks ittakes2 😊

JennyLane · 29/07/2017 22:30

I've not personally had this problem with my potty trained kid - two more still to be potty trained so who knows what's coming!
I was told though, when I was potty training my son, that young children can find poohing on the toilet traumatic because they feel like part of them is falling out, and it distresses them.

Vanillaradio · 29/07/2017 22:31

We are having similar trouble with ds (3.8). We actually had initial success with poos in the early stages of potty training but now he just holds it in all day and poos once his night nappy is on. (no wee accidents for about 3 months now and dry at night for wees about 50/50)No idea what to do.......

ASqueakingInTheShrubbery · 29/07/2017 22:34

Same here with DD (3.10). Dry in the day after a long time of trying, but will wait until her night nappy goes on, or poo first thing in the morning before she calls for me. I'm hoping that with patience and encouragement she'll get it, as she has with everything else I've worried about.

maudeismyfavouritepony · 29/07/2017 22:39

Do you have an older cousin / friend who could encourage him? My Dd only got into doing a poo in the potty after seeing older cousin do it. They got chatting in the bathroom. I left them to it. Bloody miracle.

How about lining the potty with a nappy?

cece · 29/07/2017 22:41

My 8 year old still has poo issues. Currently under the constipation nurse at the hospital and takes movicol and senakot daily.

He has regular toilet time. This is 10 mins each time. No pressure to do a poo. Just sit on the toilet. Once in the morning before school and after breakfast and he does another toilet time after school. Sometimes he does another 10 mins after dinner. He has a toilet seat to sit on and uses a stool to rest his feet on - this helps with baring down action.

Admittedly my DS does have SEN.

passmethewineplease · 29/07/2017 22:44

He Will!

DD had major poo issues, thought she'd never do it. Then when she was like 5 she just did it. It was so weird.

She was a fan of poo goes to pooland too!

Original poster

Mammabear31 · 29/07/2017 22:51

Wow so many replies, thank you.

We've tried the books, apps, songs. We read "Liam does a poo" every fricking night. Tried getting him to watch us or cousins (with their consent) using the toilet. He's on regular laxido. And he still. Refuses.

End of tether reached!!

OP posts:

SantiagoSky · 29/07/2017 22:51

Been there too at 4 years old, slightly different problem (soiling his pants). I thought he would never start to use the toilet properly. One year later he is over this and it feels a distant memory. So there is hope :)

Part of the problem turned out to be constipation, because DS was not drinking enough, and he has food intolerances. The other part was in his head, and that one he eventually after a couple of failed bribes/reward systems got over with this:

He would be allowed to watch a Youtube video in the evening, but only if there were no pants drying on the radiator. Each soiled pant would be washed and hung on the radiator, and we would take one off each evening.

Waddlelikeapenguin · 29/07/2017 22:59

We had this - it was the sensation of it falling away that freaked him out. Worried that he would fall in too. We proved he couldnt fall into the toilet (training toilet seat thing to make seat small bottom sized) & let him drop some things into the toilet (flushable etc etc).
The other thing that helped was telling him that if he did a big enough poo in the toilet he might get splashed
We also gave him thw choice of a poo nappy or the toilet - no pressure.

Personally i wouldnt push too much if constipation is an issue - it can take years to sort out.

BroomstickOfLove · 29/07/2017 23:06

DS would poo without difficulty in a nappy, but not at all in the loo. So I let him go back to nappies to take the pressure off and prevent constipation. When he needed a poo, he would go to the bathroom, take off his trousers and pants, poo, and call me to help dispose of the nappy and clean him up. He had to stay in the bathroom - no wandering off to watch TV or do something distracting.

Once he was comfortable doing that, he had a go at sitting on the toilet with a nappy on, and pooing that way. After a few weeks, we tried cutting a big hole in the middle of the nappy so that he was pretty much pooing into the loo, but still wearing a nappy.

We talked a bit about when he would be ready to stop using a nappy, and he told me that it would be when was in reception at school. We also talked a bit about what we would do to celebrate when he didn't need a nappy.

As time went on, the hole in the nappy got bigger until it was purely symbolic, and was pretty much just the waistband. But he wasn't ready to give that up.

The day after his last day of preschool, he needed the loo. I asked him if he counted as a reception child yet now that the summer holidays had started. He thought that he did, and managed a poo with no nappy. We watched the film he'd been promised, and ate ice cream to celebrate, and he has never had any problems since then, and he remembers his "poo party" fondly.

When he was a bit older he told me that he had been frightened of the splash of poo in the toilet bowl, and worried that he would get splashed. So it might be worth checking if that's part of the problem.

At the time, it took a lot of nerve to trust DS and let him take his own time, but looking back, I'm so glad I did it that way.

wonderwoo · 29/07/2017 23:09

We had this. Tried everything and nothing worked. Eventually we backed right off, only thing we insisted on was that he stood in the toilet to poo (with his nappy on) rather than whichever room he fancied. What I think actually worked was backing right off and giving him space. Just the occasional reminder that one day he will pop in the toilet. Eventually at the age of 4 he did it and no problems now.

Not sure what did it for definite but getting older and not feeling pressured is my guess.

wonderwoo · 29/07/2017 23:09

Poo not pop

Kokapetl · 29/07/2017 23:10

We had this. He was convinced he needed to stand up to poo and that he couldn't go without a nappy. The first step was to insist he sat on the toilet with a nappy on. After a while of this I put a nappy on him so loosely that it came loose and the poo fell into the toilet. Lots of praise and rewards and telling him that he could do it. After a few repeats of this he agreed to try without the nappy. He's still a bit funny about going on unfamiliar toilets though which makes the first few days of a holiday lots of fun!

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