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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my child will never poo in a toilet???

72 replies

Mammabear31 · 29/07/2017 22:11

4yo DS. Will sit on the toilet, hold his poo for what feels like forever til he has a nappy on. We've tried taking them away; ended up with severe constipation and a traumatised child. No amount of bribery, sitting or anything will work. We've been trying for nearly 2 years and still no poo on the toilet. Am beginning to lose hope....

OP posts:

cricketballs · 30/07/2017 11:28

Had this with DS2; dry but would not poo in a toilet - for some reason changing the toilet seat (because it had broken) was the turning point.

Why one toilet seat meant he was then able to poo on all toilets after I have never figured out

Frenchmom · 30/07/2017 12:03

DS1 was like this till nearly four and a half!
He would put on his nappy himself. Finally I told him we'd run out of nappies and the next day he used the toilet. We had tried everything.

GoingRogue · 30/07/2017 12:51

Congrats Writerwannabe83! Did you have hyperemesis first time around? It's horrific isn't it?

We have progress already ! Ds watched Poo Goes to Pooland, then asked for a nappy about 20mins later. I said that's fine, but he must poo in the bathroom. He took his doodle draw in with him and shut the door.

When he was done, instead of laying him down on his change mat and changing him like a baby, he sat on the toilet (was a little bit nervous but I was calm and explained everything) whilst I undid his nappy and let the poo plop into the loo. Then I wiped his bottom "like a big boy" and he flushed.

I think that's progress anyway (always take a small win!). He was pleased with himself

SpiritedLondon · 30/07/2017 12:56

writerwannabe. I got " Everybody Poos" which I think was recommended on the Eric Website, Peek-a-poo which is geared more to younger children and pottys and Where's the Poop? - which I wasn't that bothered about. I've just donated them to a nursery opening up. If you only buy one then get Everybody Poos which explicitly talks about the toilet. There are lots on Amazon though so I would be tempted to take a punt on a couple of others too.

SpiritedLondon · 30/07/2017 12:57

goingrogue that's definite progress - keep it going.

squiz81 · 30/07/2017 12:58

That's definite progress *goingrogue

We had the same issue. We were putting nappies on for poos.

squiz81 · 30/07/2017 13:01

That posted too soon!
Then we said he had to go into the bathroom to do the pop. Then he had to sit on the toilet (in his nappy). Next step was to cut a pop hole in the nappy. The poo plopped down he realised it was nothing g to be afraid of and was fine for ever more!

ExplodedCloud · 30/07/2017 13:20

Ds was a poo refusenik. Had impaction, movicol, back in nappies, the works. Went on for ever and nothing worked. We dropped it completely for a while and he had a maintenance dose of movicol. In the run up to school we cracked it by letting him shut the door and do it in private
It was still a bit of a game of witholding and movicol for about 18 months more but somewhen in Y1 he ended up movicol and nappy free day and night.

Vanillaradio · 30/07/2017 14:47

Here's the thing though. Ds will now literally only poo in his nappy at night. I am not sure when exactly he is doing this (sometimes has done it when i go up to bed sometimes not till morning) or if he is asleep or awake when he does it. Short of sitting in his room for hours after he has gone to bed I am not sure how to get him to poo in bathroom, sat on toilet in nappy etc. Any ideas?

GoingRogue · 31/07/2017 15:41

Eek, that's a tough one Vanillaradio. I guess there are some things in life we have no control over! Fingers crossed his natural body clock/rhythm/whatever changes soon and he needs to go during waking hours.

Bluefargo · 31/07/2017 15:45

We found close examination of the poop - it's shape and size colour and difference from the previous one helped. Just showing lots of interest and curiousity and not a sniff (sorry for pun) of disgust. Also poo goes to poo land. I think she was slightly ashamed of it and also needed to get used to the sensation of it coming out.

She still gets us to look at her giant poos sometimes. Thoroughly delightful!

PoppyPopcorn · 31/07/2017 15:46

Have been there OP and it's bloody awful. Two children who had no issues with poo, one who refused to poo on the toilet point blank. We tried EVERYTHING - laxatives, cajoling, sitting for what seemed like weeks sitting on the toilet singing songs, reward charts, stickers - everything.

Only thing which worked for us was Poo goes to Pootown which is a revolting story about a poo wanting to be with her friends. He loved it and it certainly seemed to break through whatever psychological handups he had.

Stick at it - it's really hard going but he'll get there. And this is amazingly common.

RedGrapeCornSnake · 31/07/2017 16:10

Oh I remember those days well with DS. We had bribery (small wrapped poo presents lined up on the bathroom windowsill!) and had tried all manner of seat, books and other stuff.
In the end it was me getting frustrated one day after he'd pooed on the hallway carpet - right in front on the bathroom. I snapped and made him sit on the toilet while I cleaned up. It turned out he hadn't finished and ended up hysterically pooing while I was cleaning. It was far from my best parenting moment, and I felt awful when I realised why he was screaming the place down. Once I'd cleaned him up we went and chose him one of his poo presents and he was thrilled to bits (matchbox car!). He pooed on the toilet from that day on, even once the pile of presents ran out (there were 10 from memory)

GoingRogue · 03/09/2017 22:37

We have a breakthrough! Went away for the weekend...ds thought he'd pooed his pants so cried and told my sister, who was looking after him at our house.

They ran up to the bathroom and found he hadn't, so she plonked him on the toilet whilst she looked for a nappy...and plop! He did it Was so impressed with himself apparently, and everyone made a fuss of him. Then last night MIL was babysitting and he woke at 8pm saying he needed a poo. She told him to just go in his nappy and he refused, asking to go on the toilet

So my advice is to go away for a weekend and let family get on with it haha Time will tell if he'll keep it up with us from now on.

Hope there have been some other success stories amongst us one month on?

germainegrainne · 03/09/2017 22:47

My son also did this. He never had accidents but would only poo in a nappy. And then only in a potty. It went on for ages.
The only pooing in a nappy was resolved when I left his potty out and ignored him and he worked it out himself eventually. I think he was four when he finally went on the toilet when he caught on at pre school that that is what the others did. It did resolve itself eventually just through his own realisation.

nocoolnamesleft · 03/09/2017 23:33

Is he on enough laxido? Aiming for the amount that gives daily pain free scrambled egg consistency poo.

Does he have a foot rest? Dangling feet can make them feel insecure, and no leverage to push.

If you're happy that the poo is soft, and he's comfy on the loo, have you tried things to make it harder to hang on whilst sitting there? Blowing a whistle/blowing bubbles work with some kids, as hard to hang on at the bottom whilst blowing out at the top.

Not easy!

Ttbb · 03/09/2017 23:46

Sit him on the toilet with the nappy on? Eventually just give him the spot to hold and hopefully the association will be enough?

Mittens1969 · 04/09/2017 00:34

That's very tough, OP, but it will get better.

We had this with DD1. She only finally stopped soiling her knickers at age 7; she only did it on and off, but it was getting more extreme. She would hold it in for 3 days then it would trickle out and she didn't realise she was doing it. We would have so much difficulty getting her to sit on the toilet to do a poo. She was regularly constipated as well.

I did some research and discovered a condition called encopresis. It's what happens when children get anxious about their poo and it comes out without them realising it. We were about to go on holiday and in desperation I took her to the out of hours doctor and he prescribed her Movicol.

I also followed the advice I discovered online and you might find this helpful. We made DD1 sit on the toilet for 10 minutes after breakfast and after tea. I encouraged her to take a book with her, which I often do myself. (She still does that lol.)

Anyway, she got used to the routine. The Movicol lasted for 2 months. I was then worried that she would regress and she did a couple of times. But she hasn't since she turned 7 and she's now 8 and fully in control, no more accidents.

Hopefully it won't go on as long as that for your DS, OP. I was able to help my DD1 turn things around when I understood that she wasn't doing it to be awkward or because she was lazy. There was a genuine reason why she was doing it.

Patience was the key, I found, and finding the strategy that works. You'll get there and, more importantly, your DS will.

Logans · 04/09/2017 00:38

Will he do anything close? Such as doing a poo in his nappy while sitting on the loo? Will he do a wee in the loo? Flush the loo?

BertieBotts · 04/09/2017 01:07

DS was like this, needed nappy for ages, I don't know what got him there in the end, he just did it one day. We did have serious bribery like a whole packet of 4-finger kitkats levels of bribery involved but they sat there for months stubbornly un-won.

He did get there. I won't say it has been plain sailing from then though.

Once he did start pooing in a toilet he would only go in ours which made it difficult because he wouldn't poo at nursery or the childminder's. He did have accidents a couple of times, and then I left him with a family member for 3 nights not really thinking about the poo thing (because we'd just got so used to him only pooing at home) - and eventually he did one there. Then there was the explosive accident on holiday and then when we moved house that was a drama and he didn't poo for about a week!

Lately he's been much better but still reluctant to go anywhere but home (he was okay the second time we moved) but won't go at school which means he gets constipated and we have had to have laxatives for him. Again he's got better since then and into a good routine, but it's such a pain because it takes him about 30 minutes to go and he still won't go at school because he's frightened he'll get into trouble for spending too long or that he'll miss all of break or lunchtime. So he goes in the morning but it often makes him late if I don't wake him up early enough. However, that's better than the panic he was getting himself into over whether he's going to have an accident on the way and needing to keep trying for longer to "get it all out" and then being so late that he's hugely distressed but refusing to leave the house in case he has an accident on the way.

We think he doesn't really know how to push but we're at a loss how to teach him to do this now he's 8.

JennaRainbow · 04/09/2017 03:10

I really feel for you. One of the main things that started to change in dc1 brain I think was that wherever she did the poo in her nappy, we would go together and flush it down the loo, "where the poo goes". It eventually clicked.

Mittens1969 · 04/09/2017 08:10

He does sound like my DD1 until a year ago, @BertieBotts, she's still funny about toilets other than our own. She absolutely hates public toilets.

In the end, once I became less anxious and nagged her less, she just got it. I also think DD2 (5) was a factor. Once she got it, so did DD1. (I had to stop DD2 from teasing her, which she did for a while, unfortunately.

Basically it feels like he'll never get it, I know the feeling. But it will happen!

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