To be really upset that my DH signed up to Sky sports and movies without telling me?

[Bigbertha123]

I'm posting this on my DH's advice because he thinks I'm totally overreacting, but I feel hurt, betrayed and pissed off.

For some background info, we have always been completely open with each other about our finances. We have one joint account that both our wages go into and all the bills come out of. I earn considerably more than DH. We have one credit card that is used for groceries and petrol. We have one ISA and savings account that are both in DH name. I have access to these when I want, but always forget his password to login, but can get in whenever I want.

We have always discussed any large purchases and run things past each other before buying, especially if it involves any type of ongoing financial commitment.

We have always been saving up since we met 14 years ago for one thing or another, starting with a wedding and a flat and then a baby. We've been married 4 years. So even though we earn good wages, we've never been extravagant.

We have really cut down on spending recently as want to do a lot of home improvements and also have another baby, so will need a substantial amount saved to allow me to have decent maternity leave. Examples of how we are saving/watching money include, buying clothes from eBay, selling clothes on eBay, cash4clothes, shopping in Lidl, limiting our day to to spending etc, getting my haircut once-twice a year using £40, 5pm deals.

We don't go out much since having our dd and as we've both recently tried to lose weight we're getting less takeaways. DH manages nearly all finances and has spreadsheets to check everything we spend and often tells me how we can cut down etc. We don't have major debts, except his ridiculous student loan debt as a result of dropping out of two courses with maximum loans before settling into his final course and qualifying. He also messed up by not understanding the terms of a credit card he applied for, but that's sorted now.

We have Sky, very basic tv package for £5.50 a month (a deal negotiated by my DH). Years ago we had movies and sports, but we didn't use it and it was a waste of money, hardly watch sports and there were never any films we wanted to watch on. We have Netflix and Amazon prime, so I don't feel we need sky movies and my DH knows my feelings on that. Also we never get to watch tv or films since having my dd. Our evenings are taken up by her nighttime routine etc and by the time we have her to bed we're usually going to bed ourselves.

Today whilst my FIL was in the house my DH says very casually, btw we now have sky movies and sports. I started laughing as I thought he was joking. But then he showed me it and we did have. I honestly thought he was winding me up and that he had got it for free or something. Turns out sky phoned him and offered it for 6 months at half price and he signed up. It is now £30 a month (previously £5.50) and will go to £60 after 6 months. Apparently we can cancel any time. I was angry and my fil was really awkward. I think he waiting until my fil was there to tell me as he knew I'd be annoyed. I got in from work last night after a 13 hour shift and we chatted for ages and he never mentioned it, or this morning before my fil came over.

He says we can afford it (we prob can, but I still think it's a total waste of over £300 a year at least). He says it will be good for our dd to watch films, but I already think she watches too much tv.

Am I unreasonable to be upset that he signed up to this without discussing it with me?

Should I make him cancel? He says he will if I insist.

Is this a betrayal or am I overreacting?

Whilst I can see your point about Sky movies being a waste of money, YABU in your reaction. If he's offered to cancel, the let him cancel. No big deal.

My dh did the opposite by cancelling our Sky and I was a bit peed off, but I can see why. We have Netflix & prime so not a major need.
As he said, you can cancel after 6 months.
It's irritating, but not a deal breaker.

I think as you've cut back to the bone, and you usually discuss purchases that it is a big deal that he did it. He knows it is because he didn't tell you.

However. You need to put some savings in your name and be more aware of your financial situation. You can't delegate it all to your partner then complain when he spends.

Thank you for all your comments. I have no idea how he got Sky for £5.50 a month, it was just for tv, not phone or Internet and was just after we moved house, so maybe a new customer deal or exaisting customer because we stayed with them?

The savings and ISA are in his name because we had trouble with or previous bank and changed bank and he set them up when he set up the joint account thinking it would all be joint, but it's not. That doesn't really bother me tbh as i know how much there is and he regularly updates me. It's not for tax reasons, although I earn more, it's not huge, we are both still in same tax band and I have actually taken a wage drop since having my dd as reduced hours.

Maybe we can ease up on the saving, but it's got us a nice house, wedding and nice things for our dd and good holidays, so I don't think we should.

As for me reminding him constantly that I earn more, I'm not sure where pp got that from. I mentioned it here so not to drip feed. The way I see it is, what's mine is his and what's his is mine. We pool all our money and what he lacks in wages he makes up for at home with dd etc. He works less hours than me so is at home more.

I'll see how it goes, if we use the sky movies and sports I'll keep it for the six months, definitely not paying £60 a month and if we're not using it we'll cancel.

If he's asked before I'd have definitely said I don't want it as I have done many times before, but maybe PP are right and I shouldn't just have my way, so willing to compromise for 6 months and see how it goes. Thanks. I'll also treat myself to more haircuts!

I would like to use the money for more 'date nights' as someone suggested.

Signing up in summer sounds as though he has been fancying some of the sports which are always on in summer. I always get a hankering for signing up whenever there's a big sporting event on, like cricket.

The other thing is, if you are saving money, it's easier to save if you can have fun nights and weekends at home, and having Sky makes that more possible. Popcorn movie nights, having friends over to watch a big game etc. Just one trip to the pub to watch a rugby fixture or somesuch could easily cost you more in alcohol and crisps than a month's subscription cost.

I totally disagree with PP - if you have a joint bank account, large purchases or anything that's a Direct Debit should be agreed beforehand. No way would DH set something up without my approval, or vice versa.

I hope OP you dont have your nails done and go to a fancy salon for your hair cuts thats a total waste of money and you should just do your own hair or go to the free places for haircut training or atleast consult with your partner before ever purshise (some hair cuts my friends have would cost the same as 1 year sky subscription.....)

I signed up for sky movies the other day and didn't discuss with my oh and he pays for sky. I told him afterwards but said if it's a problem then I'll ring and cancel. He wasn't bothered. But then again we aren't really saving for anything

I know you've said you'll keep it temporarily now, but for what it's worth I think you overreacted too. I know keeping on top of money and saving matters - I'm someone who doesn't do debt (bar mortgage) and loves saving - but life is far, far too short to worry about things like this if you can afford them. We have Sky and Netflix and Amazon prime. These are luxuries (to me they are luxuries and I think that whenever I use them) that I really enjoy and make life that little bit better. I think back to when I was growing up and we spent way more than my Netflix and Amazon Prime subscriptions cost and for that we got a few trips in the rain to Blockbusters a month, and wow they're good value.
Be careful with your money of course, but not being allowed to get Sky Sports as a grown adult that can afford it because my OH won't agree to spend money on anything frivolous would really piss me off.

I would be irritated in the situation you describe. We manage our finances by paying into a joint a/c for agreed household /child essential expenses, saving a portion when we can and then having a set amount each for anything else. That way he doesn't moan about my highlights and I don't moan about his football tickets.

£30 a month is a bargain!

£1 a day. Cheaper than you both going to the cinema once a month

I think if you've been saving for 14 years it kind of sucks some of the joy out of life. It's not really saving, more you live frugally as a way of life and think carefully over spending money on anything you'd enjoy.

I wouldn't give a shit about this for the simple reason I don't think all decisions have to be joint, if my husband wanted sky sports and movies he can have it without discussing it with me.

I also think you are probably quite controlling over money. It sounds like it's all about what you want because you earn more and have less debt.. He shouldn't have been worried about telling you this. It shouldn't be such a big deal. But it was and you used some very harsh language. A betrayal?

There is a balance between saving and enjoying life, as well as each having some financial autonomy. I'd think through how you live if your husband has to secretly sign up to sky and have big discussions on it.

£60 a month for a months entertainment is not much £2 a day lol....if you went out for a nice meal it would cost you that....anyway watching box sets together is good fun gives you something to discuss about especially when the winter comes and dark nights. Most men I know have sky sports ....great for me as my hubby spends time watching the sport at home and not down the pub which would cost so much more. Most of my friends and family have the sky sports and movie package which is great gives us something else to talk about apart from kids lol...lighten up give your hubby a break

YABU. Sorry, but you spend £40 on getting your haircut and you call that economising?? I have long layered hair and it costs £15 (in the SE of England, but just with a cheap mobile hairdresser). I dye it using Loreal. If you want to spend money on pampering, there's nothing wrong with that, but why can't he have a little luxury too?? You should both be able to treat yourselves sometimes when you both work hard, whether that is on a posh haircut or Sky.

Yeah, my husband has some respect for me and we would discuss it first.

Is he a football fan?
Football season is just about to start in the uk, my dh keeps hinting about getting the sky sports back. I hate bloody football, the answer is no.
I'd be pissed off if he just went ahead and ordered as money is quite tight and it would put extra strain on the budge and i'd have to watch bloody football constantly

Massively overreacting. Do you generally treat your DH like you would a child? You speak about him very much like he is your subordinate. He also works and earns money which he is allowed to spend.

Maybe I'm in the minority but TV and films are a great pleasure in mine and DH's life. We don't go out as have small children and don't have any other vices. Maybe your DH feels the same

OP I am with you.

Ever so often this debate comes up in our household (2 teenage DS's) and I point blank refuse to shell out for Sky as I believe there are so many better ways of spending £500 a year - and I don't want to give the dc an excuse for spending even more time on screens than they do already.

DH knows this is one line I won't cross and if he went and did this without discussing it first I would go absolutely batshit crazy. As a coupe this is exactly the sort of financial decision that both adults should make together.

There are plenty of other much cheaper ways to enjoy films together.

YANBU.

I understand how you feel @Bigbertha123. It's not actually the cost of the thing, it's the careless attitude which he went about doing it, in the face of your trying to cut back everywhere else and him knowing what you thought and doing it anyway. Like your previously jointly made decision to save was just tossed aside for his little treat.

I suspect if he'd come and openly said "darling, Sky sent this great offer, perhaps we could trial it for 6 months" you wouldn't be posting, am I right?

Can you cancel Netflix and Amazon Prime if you have Sky Movies and Sport to reduce some of the money you spend on TV packages.

It doesn't sound like you have the time or energy to watch enough TV to make it worthwhile subscribing to several different services - if Netflix is films, aren't you doubling up there at least? I suspect you'll be tied to Sky for at least a year now anyway.

Once your trial period is up you can negotiate with sky we have the full sky package for £40 a month...just tell them your going to leave...and you will find they will reduce cost

YABU. Cancel Netflix and Amazon Prime, that will offset some of the cost and you will more than make up with the lost programmes with the live sport and choice of movies. In any event it can be cancelled at any time, so if in a few months you both feel you're not getting value, you don't have to keep paying.