To be really upset that my DH signed up to Sky sports and movies without telling me?

[Bigbertha123]

I'm posting this on my DH's advice because he thinks I'm totally overreacting, but I feel hurt, betrayed and pissed off.

For some background info, we have always been completely open with each other about our finances. We have one joint account that both our wages go into and all the bills come out of. I earn considerably more than DH. We have one credit card that is used for groceries and petrol. We have one ISA and savings account that are both in DH name. I have access to these when I want, but always forget his password to login, but can get in whenever I want.

We have always discussed any large purchases and run things past each other before buying, especially if it involves any type of ongoing financial commitment.

We have always been saving up since we met 14 years ago for one thing or another, starting with a wedding and a flat and then a baby. We've been married 4 years. So even though we earn good wages, we've never been extravagant.

We have really cut down on spending recently as want to do a lot of home improvements and also have another baby, so will need a substantial amount saved to allow me to have decent maternity leave. Examples of how we are saving/watching money include, buying clothes from eBay, selling clothes on eBay, cash4clothes, shopping in Lidl, limiting our day to to spending etc, getting my haircut once-twice a year using £40, 5pm deals.

We don't go out much since having our dd and as we've both recently tried to lose weight we're getting less takeaways. DH manages nearly all finances and has spreadsheets to check everything we spend and often tells me how we can cut down etc. We don't have major debts, except his ridiculous student loan debt as a result of dropping out of two courses with maximum loans before settling into his final course and qualifying. He also messed up by not understanding the terms of a credit card he applied for, but that's sorted now.

We have Sky, very basic tv package for £5.50 a month (a deal negotiated by my DH). Years ago we had movies and sports, but we didn't use it and it was a waste of money, hardly watch sports and there were never any films we wanted to watch on. We have Netflix and Amazon prime, so I don't feel we need sky movies and my DH knows my feelings on that. Also we never get to watch tv or films since having my dd. Our evenings are taken up by her nighttime routine etc and by the time we have her to bed we're usually going to bed ourselves.

Today whilst my FIL was in the house my DH says very casually, btw we now have sky movies and sports. I started laughing as I thought he was joking. But then he showed me it and we did have. I honestly thought he was winding me up and that he had got it for free or something. Turns out sky phoned him and offered it for 6 months at half price and he signed up. It is now £30 a month (previously £5.50) and will go to £60 after 6 months. Apparently we can cancel any time. I was angry and my fil was really awkward. I think he waiting until my fil was there to tell me as he knew I'd be annoyed. I got in from work last night after a 13 hour shift and we chatted for ages and he never mentioned it, or this morning before my fil came over.

He says we can afford it (we prob can, but I still think it's a total waste of over £300 a year at least). He says it will be good for our dd to watch films, but I already think she watches too much tv.

Am I unreasonable to be upset that he signed up to this without discussing it with me?

Should I make him cancel? He says he will if I insist.

Is this a betrayal or am I overreacting?

I would say annoying more than betrayal, as it would have been nice if he has asked you first.

I'd be annoyed to be fair. So YANBU to be pissed off at him getting it and not mentioning it or discussing it with you.

However, he is not unreasonable to want movies and sports. It's just a hobby watching it surely? And I wouldn't say it's a colossal waste of money; most things are unnecessary to be fair aren't they? Most people 'waste' money on something.

As an aside, how the heck did you manage to get SKY for a fiver a month? I cannot find that price anywhere. Not even close.

I think betrayal is a bit loaded but I can see why you are pissed off. I would be in the same situation, especially the way of finding out.

He maybe should have run it by you but you can always cancel it.

Why though are the isa and savings account in his name only ? Why is it only the main account in both names ?

It sounds like you can think of about a milion things to do with £30 a month that are more fun than watching your child have a tantrum because she can't watch a third hour of Nickelodeon, or being woken up from a very rare lie in by over dramatic theme music for the Test match or whatever. YANBU.

Tread carefully though because money is clearly a major or even the major faultline in your relationship. He earns less, has thousands in debt due to questionable decision making. .. you clearly have problems with his financial decisions and that's not unreasonable.

I am crap with money but had a major wakeup call when my dh went nuts at me agreeing to pay for a useless course my dad wanted to do. To me it was £350 well spent not to have to say no to my dad and to feel rich. To him it was a total waste of money that was unilaterally decided by me. I haven't done anything like that again mostly

Sometimes though, letting things go is worth it. Can you cancel the other film packages, cut other things, agree to try it for 3 months, stuff like that?

Huge over reaction, he's not a child and can spend his wage as he sees fit. It's not like he can't meet his share of the bills.

Maybe he's fed up of being reminded that you earn more and your wants and just wanted something for himself for once.

I'd be very surprised if you can cancel it!

I would expect it's a deal that locks you in for a year!

Not a betrayal but definitely not a good use of money IMHO, especially if you already have Amazon Prime and Netflix.

I think YANBU, have the first six months "cheap" and cancel when it gets to £60 per month. I think it's a huge waste of money, it's certainly something that would be discussed before buying, in our household.

And he knows you wouldn't have agreed to it too, otherwise he wouldn't have announced it in the way that he did.

YANBU although "betrayal" is a bit strong. You're keeping to a budget and cutting back on non essentials like takeaways. He tried to minimise by breaking the news with a third party present, giving the "half price" deal to infer a bargain and suggesting it's for your DD's benefit. I'd be very annoyed too, but then I didn't have a television until DD was eight so that she wasn't used to passive entertainment (just us so no H involved). As a PP asked, if he'd discussed it with you beforehand, what would your response have been?

YANBU. At all.

He needs to pay off his debts before committing family money to an unnecessary frivolity,especially given that a) you're economising on essentials to enable you to have another baby, and b) you already have plenty of TV entertainment via other sources.

I'd also split the savings into both names so that you actually do have unfettered access to them when you're on maternity leave.

This is a crazy overreaction, I hate to think what you would do if he actually did something wanky

I think you overreacted tbh. I can't imagine having to account for every financial decision to my DP but that's why I kept a separate bank account.
I do agree with the PP about you unnecessarily limiting haircuts. If you can afford Amazon Prime and Netflix, I'm pretty sure you can afford to get your haircut more than twice per year.
Maybe it's time to have a discussion about finances and priorities so you can both feel you have a tiny bit of joy ie he gets Sky; you get a haircut (maybe you cancel Amazon or Netflix to fund it).

I would be pretty angry too. If you have amazon prime and Netflix then you don't need sky movies. Especially if you rarely watch what you already have. Using your daughter is a shitty excuse.

He's spending more in a month than you do on haircuts for a year.

It's a silly waste of money. I'd call his bluff and cancel it straight away. Half price of £30 is still £30 a month wasted on something you don't need.

I'd not be impressed. DH signs up to Sky Sports to watch certain rugby matches and then cancels again. I get that, as he loves rugby. He never asks me if he can, but will let me know and cancels once they're done. £30 a month and then £60 a month is a lot of extra money if you are using eBay to buy and sell clothes and having a hair cut once a year. So YANBU.

However, maybe things aren't as bad financially as you thought. Maybe you have been restricting yourself unnecessarily and feeling guilty about spending when you don't need to. I think this suggests you need to have another chat about priorities.

i'd be annoyed as well, but wouldn't react as strongly as your initial post.

Why don't you cancel netflix and amazon as they are duplicating (triplicating?) Sky.

YANBU, well, perhaps a little bit in calling it a betrayal but neither dh or I would commit to regular spending of that sort of money without consulting each other. Perhaps it's time for you to review the finances and have some "spending money" each that you can use for this sort of thing.

I have Amazon prime, Netflix and Sky Movies.

I don't really have any hobbies apart from films and tv. There are different things available on all three. I love being able to watch almost anything I can think of.

If he will use it, I think it's money well spent. We rarely go to the cinema any more as we can just wait for it to be on TV. So that in itself saves money.

It's all about priorities.

If you don't have £30 a month and you'll now be walking to work or skipping meals or something equally punitive YANBU. If you can afford it but think that £30 should be spent on things you think are acceptable YABU. Maybe he prefers to spend watch sky sports than save up to go to concerts especially with a small baby. He's not a child but you're treating him like one. Maybe he thought it's better to ask forgiveness than permission.

What jumped out at me in your post was that your savings and ISA are in your husband's name "but you have access".

That's far more unwise than this Sky business. I'd change that asap. An ISA each and either joint savings account or 2 separate accounts.

You only have access while he allows it. Very foolish.

I get it, OP. We are saving 85% of our income now for a building project and neither of us would sign up for a recurring expense without briefly mentioning it to the other. He's probably embarassed because he got persuaded on the phone and wasn't able to resist the sales pitch. You'll probably get a better result if you discuss it calmly, though.
I'm surprised at PP who think sticking to a budget takes the joy out of life. Most sources of joy don't have a price tag attached.

I have amazon and sky. The last tycoon is on Amazon and anyone who cancelled my access to the luscious Matt Bomer would find themselves divorced or befriended very very quickly.

I'd be fuming don't want sky sports and certainly don't want to be paying £30 per month for it!

You're 'hurt' and 'betrayed' because your DH got Sky Movies and Sports??

I'd hate to see how you react when there is something to actually be hurt and betrayed about.

I'd be a little annoyed it hadn't been discussed but you have totally over reacted and can't believe you made fil feel in the middle over it

I would just be sad that he fell for Sky's cold-calling ripoff.

@LostGarden

Reading between the lines I think the savings might be in her husbands name for tax reasons as she says she earns considerably more than her DH. And the saving for a decent mat leave comment seems like the OP is self employed which make explain this. Or i could be totally wrong.

Op i think you're over reacting slightly but if you're both usually so clear to each other about finances then I Can see why it would upset you.