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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be really upset that my DH signed up to Sky sports and movies without telling me?

72 replies

Bigbertha123 · 29/07/2017 14:08

I'm posting this on my DH's advice because he thinks I'm totally overreacting, but I feel hurt, betrayed and pissed off.

For some background info, we have always been completely open with each other about our finances. We have one joint account that both our wages go into and all the bills come out of. I earn considerably more than DH. We have one credit card that is used for groceries and petrol. We have one ISA and savings account that are both in DH name. I have access to these when I want, but always forget his password to login, but can get in whenever I want.

We have always discussed any large purchases and run things past each other before buying, especially if it involves any type of ongoing financial commitment.

We have always been saving up since we met 14 years ago for one thing or another, starting with a wedding and a flat and then a baby. We've been married 4 years. So even though we earn good wages, we've never been extravagant.

We have really cut down on spending recently as want to do a lot of home improvements and also have another baby, so will need a substantial amount saved to allow me to have decent maternity leave. Examples of how we are saving/watching money include, buying clothes from eBay, selling clothes on eBay, cash4clothes, shopping in Lidl, limiting our day to to spending etc, getting my haircut once-twice a year using £40, 5pm deals.

We don't go out much since having our dd and as we've both recently tried to lose weight we're getting less takeaways. DH manages nearly all finances and has spreadsheets to check everything we spend and often tells me how we can cut down etc. We don't have major debts, except his ridiculous student loan debt as a result of dropping out of two courses with maximum loans before settling into his final course and qualifying. He also messed up by not understanding the terms of a credit card he applied for, but that's sorted now.

We have Sky, very basic tv package for £5.50 a month (a deal negotiated by my DH). Years ago we had movies and sports, but we didn't use it and it was a waste of money, hardly watch sports and there were never any films we wanted to watch on. We have Netflix and Amazon prime, so I don't feel we need sky movies and my DH knows my feelings on that. Also we never get to watch tv or films since having my dd. Our evenings are taken up by her nighttime routine etc and by the time we have her to bed we're usually going to bed ourselves.

Today whilst my FIL was in the house my DH says very casually, btw we now have sky movies and sports. I started laughing as I thought he was joking. But then he showed me it and we did have. I honestly thought he was winding me up and that he had got it for free or something. Turns out sky phoned him and offered it for 6 months at half price and he signed up. It is now £30 a month (previously £5.50) and will go to £60 after 6 months. Apparently we can cancel any time. I was angry and my fil was really awkward. I think he waiting until my fil was there to tell me as he knew I'd be annoyed. I got in from work last night after a 13 hour shift and we chatted for ages and he never mentioned it, or this morning before my fil came over.

He says we can afford it (we prob can, but I still think it's a total waste of over £300 a year at least). He says it will be good for our dd to watch films, but I already think she watches too much tv.

Am I unreasonable to be upset that he signed up to this without discussing it with me?

Should I make him cancel? He says he will if I insist.

Is this a betrayal or am I overreacting?

OP posts:

TeaBelle · 29/07/2017 14:11

I'd be mildly annoyed but u think you are totally over reacting and sound really high maintenance tbh

TeaBelle · 29/07/2017 14:12

I think you are totally over reacting

FruitBadger · 29/07/2017 14:12

I think betrayal is quite a strong way to describe it, but I can see your perspective and would also feel cross as I think that sort of thing should be discussed and a joint decision.

Kerberos · 29/07/2017 14:13

Massive over reaction

jacketej · 29/07/2017 14:13

It's not betrayal and I'd say you are over reacting personally!
We try to save and cut on our expenses and shop and aldi and the like but I wouldn't care if DH signed to to sky sports or movies. Would be a bit silly considering we have Now tv already 😆 So he wouldn't. I never consulted him when I signed up to now tv, I actually signed up to Amazon prime movies last night as there was film I wanted to watch! It's only a free trial... I didn't ask his permission and he realised when we watched a move on it! Hahha

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 29/07/2017 14:14

You are over reacting. It's hardly a betrayal.

TidyDancer · 29/07/2017 14:15

Huge overreaction. Bizarre one in fact.

Groupie123 · 29/07/2017 14:15

You chose to pay your salary into a joint account, and so it became joint money. If you don't want him to spend your money on things you don't want, then move your salary to a sole account in just your name and only put in your proportionate share of the household bills into the joint account - he can pay for sky using his own money.

SpartacusSaiman · 29/07/2017 14:16

Huge over reaction.

Is money really tight? Saving for 14 years sounds exhausting. Do you ever have some fun?

Not saying you dont but it comes across every penny is watched all the time, but you do have a decent income.

Charlottelouisa · 29/07/2017 14:16

Wow you sound very controlling. And I think you are massively over reacting.

Original poster

Bigbertha123 · 29/07/2017 14:17

Thanks for your replies, betrayal probably is too strong a term, just pissed off as we usually discuss everything and I wouldn't sign up to anything without telling him first. Also think it's completely unnecessary, but I appreciate your responses and good to get some perspective on it.

OP posts:

SpartacusSaiman · 29/07/2017 14:18

Of course sky sports is unnecessary.

That doesnt mean if you dont want it he cant want it. It also doesnt mean you automatically get your way

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 29/07/2017 14:18

Based on the fact you've listed his failures in completing two courses before settling on his last one and incurring big debts I think you're still angry with him do I can't say you're overreacting.

HerOtherHalf · 29/07/2017 14:19

Your post is littered with subtle hints that you look down on him. He does the finances and believes you can afford it. You reluctantly concede you can afford it as well. Why the drama. And to use words like "betrayal" over such a trivial matter, get a grip, you sound like a control freak.

Assburgers · 29/07/2017 14:19

If he hadn't ordered it already, and he was just now sitting down to ask you if you should get sky sports for £30 a month, and do you think that's a good idea, what would you say?

If you'd have said "no", then cancel it. Don't feel bad. There's no "if you insist" about it. He's gone about getting what he wants in an underhand way.

Rossigigi · 29/07/2017 14:20

You are over reacting. No wonder he waited for dad to be there before telling you

daisypond · 29/07/2017 14:20

I would be cross, too. Betrayal is a bit too strong a word, but household things like that should be joint decisions. I think an extra £30+ a month to spend when you want to cut down is a lot.

Whisky2014 · 29/07/2017 14:20

It's not a betrayal. It does sound like you don't need it since you have 2 other movie service contracts.
You are both unreasonable but you seem to have taken a small issue and turned it into a large one. You say it can be cancelled anytime so what's the big deal?

Original poster

Bigbertha123 · 29/07/2017 14:21

I'm not controlling at all. DH manages all finances and I feel guilty if spending anything. When I say we've saved for 14 years, I mean there's always been something we've wanted like a wedding, flat, house, baby, holidays etc. Our savings go on nice things like holidays or concerts or home improvements. Neither of us are frivolous.

I am just annoyed that I'll need to accept I'm BU and have to admit that to him as he suggested I post on here. Really thought I'd get people saying he was wrong, LTB (lighthearted).

So thanks, consensus is I'm BU. I'll move on and accept.

OP posts:

Redglitter · 29/07/2017 14:21

Massive over reaction

How on earth though did you get sky for £5.50 a month

random79 · 29/07/2017 14:22

YANBU.

It sounds like a colossal waste of money, and why not discuss it? It's not like work clothes, it's a contract and I imagine it's harder to cancel than he implies.

I can't believe people think that recurring bills aren't worth discussing, especially when they're as expensive as that.

Greyponcho · 29/07/2017 14:23

YANBU - he made a financial commitment without consulting you first.
So, you can make the sacrifices (two haircuts p.a.) but he can't live without a TV package you don't need?
I can see why you're pissed off - I would be too.

WritingHome · 29/07/2017 14:23

It all sounds a bit exhausting tbh and joy sucking. It is important to have some fun too in life. Could you try to see it as a positive now - you have it for 6mths at that lower price. Given that you can't go out much due to saving and baby, set a goal to have some 'date nights' (hate that term but ykwim) and get some nice healthy nibbles and work your way though all the movies you have not seen yet with your dh? Get the best 'value' you can from it and then he can cancel it after the 6mths?

I would try to make the most if it tbh...

Yogagirl123 · 29/07/2017 14:26

Yes I can understand your disappointment, I would expect DH to discuss with me. Perhaps DH thought it was a good offer and something you may enjoy too and just agreed, you know how persuasive telesales can be! Life is very short and if you can cancel anytime, just make the most of it for now, really not worth getting upset over.

Whisky2014 · 29/07/2017 14:26

Well if you trust him to manage the finances then you should trust him that you can afford the tv package. But saying that, if you want to get your hair cut more than twice a year, it sounds like you can afford that to. Don't be a martyr!

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