AIBU to think that most people don't feel they can be themselves around their parents?

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I have always assumed this is just normal. Anytime I spend much time with mine I have to hide what I'm up to, otherwise they make annoying and picky comments about my choices. I have always assumed this is just normal but recently read a thread which made me wonder.

AIBU?

Another one here, couldn't talk to my DM, his things and was to some degree frightened of her. It was her way or else constant Mithering and digs. She could make you feel an inch tall with a few words. On the other hand Iknew she would always be there if I needed her but that there would be judgement.

We were very different characters, her outgoing and confident, me shy, socially awkward and very anxious( dd1 has ASD/aspergers and I strongly suspect that I have too)

Haven't RTFT but have read your posts OP. For what it's worth, I don't swear around my parents or drink around them, that's about it.

Apocalyptichorsewoman

I could never talk to my mum about anything without her being critical. I fell pregnant at 18 and kept the baby. She told me I'd be an awful mother. A year later I was pregnant with twins and was the devils spawn. Two years after that I had another child. She said we'd never cope. We coped and have raised 4 gorgeous children (who are all now 31, 29 and 27 with families of their own). Her words still sting and I was too afraid to be myself around her. She basically lost her daughter when I was 18.

I would never and have never judged any of my children's choices. Ok, some I didn't agree with but I would never have said anything due to the way my own mother treated me. All of my children are very open with me some things I wish I didn't know but I'm so glad they can be themselves and tell me things without judgement.

I went NC with my parents and didn't know they'd died until afterwards, I have no regrets. Do I wish I'd had parents that cared? Yes, of course I do. I vowed my children would never feel the way I did about my parents and that I would support them in their choices whether it agreed with them or not.

Apocalyptic

Good God, no! I would never tell my mother anything which could possibly be used as ammunition against me, and never expected anything positive from her. She got a very edited view of my life. She was an alcoholic, but even when sober, it wasn't wise to let your guard down.

But I know our relationship was far from ideal. It's 8 years since she died, and while I miss her, life is also easier in many ways, because I don't have to be on my guard so often.

I think I have to stop being open with my parents as am awake at 2.30 due to an earlier phone call with my mum. I shared a few pieces of information about our summer holiday we are going on next week and she was so horrible. I wished I hadn't told her. We are meant to be going to stay with her later in the year and I found myself folding washing earlier thinking, 'i don't want to go' but I will for the sake of the children. I genuinely think my mother has been jealous of me my whole life. I have a good life but I have had a whole load of shit to deal with (and it continues) as well as children and business. I work hard for my life and just wonder why she can't be pleased for me that we are going on holiday. Totally toxic.

I have one great friend who I can totally be myself with. That is great. It does make me wonder if we are just people pleasers and we are allowing this to happen. What would happen if I spoke to my mother like she spoke to me? What would happen if I actually said to her, 'why can't you ever just be happy for me'? I don't want to upset her but she upsets me regularly.

Good luck OP. I am going to drink my tea and have another chocolate biscuit (despite the fact I am often told I am fat by my mother!)

It's kind of true for me.

I get stressed parenting around them as i somehow believe they are totally judging me.

They have always passed comment on everything they see i think, so i assume they'll do the same about me. I guess it's contributed to me being very self conscious.

My relationship with my parents is a web of lies. Everything I tell them is criticised so I lie about everything.

Very sad. My husband has that kind of non-relationship with his mum.

I'm totally natural and myself with my lovely parents.

Apocalyptichorsewoman

I'm from a very dysfunctional family. I tell them as little about my life as possible. They find nothing to be happy about. I find it exhausting trying to engage them in conversation. When I graduated from university my dad told me it was a waste of my time that's when I really knew they would never change. I think it's a lot easier to be yourself if you come from a loving and supportive family.

I feel the most "myself" around my mum and dad, DH and a particular couple of small groups of friends. My DM in particular is unshockable and though I wouldn't discuss details of my sex life, nor she hers, we can talk about anything. I do find it hard when I have to criticise her or tell her she has hurt me, as we are still not quite equals, ans we are both very confrontation averse.

I don't put on a front deliberately with others, or censor myself as such, but I suppose I find talking to those I'm less close to draining whereas I'm energised by seeing those I love.

I'm the same somewhat. I do enjoy being with my parents and go on holiday with my mum. But I feel like they still see me as a distemperate, tantrumy child or a teenager with no common sense who made bad decisions, was grumpy, angry and sensitive. Whereas everyone else in my life now - who I've met as an adult - doesn't see or treat me that way. It's very frustrating being tied to a child/ teenage version of yourself and sometimes feels like endless hard work to prove I'm no longer like that.

Dh dp yes, sensor every thing. Mine no.

Christmas you will probably never change that view, it's them not to you. Dh dp are like this too, talk to him like teenager when he is wonderful husband with two dc.

I hide loads of stuff from my parents as they like to have a big say in my life, even though I'm 36.

I love them and enjoy their company. I just don't tell them everything.

For example, I've recently gone down to four days a week at work. I haven't told my dad because he'd go on about pensions and money and be all disapproving.

I always had a very stiff, difficult relationship with my mum, no laughs or sharing or even a bond really. 2 years ago she was diagnosed with cancer, and it changed everything. We became closer than I ever thought possible, joked about the most ridiculous things, told each other everything and just opened up to each other. She died 6 weeks ago, and I miss her so much. I wish she'd never had cancer. But the bond which was borne of necessity in an horrific situation was quite beautiful.
My funniest memory is her and I laughing like drains about the dilators she was given after radical surgery, she found them hilarious. Dad couldn't understand why we were crying with laughter.
I hope my kids can tell me anything, I want to have that bond with them too.

Yes I am not myself around my parents especially my dad. I cannot ever have a conversation about myself or my life plans. If I did they would be very negative and tell me I am wrong. It's been that way my entire life I tried to build a bridge recently a few weeks after I got engaged I attempted a conversation about my day of trying on wedding dresses. My dad just said he couldn't understand why you need an appointment "just to look at a dress" and when I explained you do for trying on wedding dresses he remarked "sure your not getting married ". After me getting engaged a few weeks previous. After the initial excitement of trying to plan a lovely wedding I gave up it's just going to be me my partner & my daughter we are going to do our own thing it's just not worth all the remarks. There's been millions of other remarks but that's a whole other thread!

I am myself with my parents, definitely. My in laws too, though I perhaps don't lol about like an overgrown teenager with the in laws.