AIBU to think that most people don't feel they can be themselves around their parents?

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I have always assumed this is just normal. Anytime I spend much time with mine I have to hide what I'm up to, otherwise they make annoying and picky comments about my choices. I have always assumed this is just normal but recently read a thread which made me wonder.

AIBU?

I'm with you, OP. I can't tell my mother anything, especially things I have to make a decision about as she will try to force her own opinion on my and go on and on about it until I agree with her. She's always been like this and also wonders why we aren't close.

I'm with you OP. I can't be myself with my parents, never have been able to and I'm in my 50s now so I don't think it will ever change.

itmustbe, yes it is very stressful isn't it. I limited time with them and the DC a lot and am cautiously trying to spend a bit more time with them now.

My youngest in particular is a handful and eldest is at that 6 year old is at an emotional stage. Thankfully the health visiting team gave me some helpful phrases to use with my parents and it has been a slight help actually. They mean well but they stress and undermine any disclipline tactics we use then complain when the kids play up . Fingers crossed for some improvement.

I keep some things back as I don't like all the questions. They aren't as critical now I'm older but that's probably because they get the edited highlights so they think my life is more perfect than it really is.

My parents (DM especially) get an edited version of my life. Though there's only so far editing can get you - they did know when I worked overseas for a couple of years (deeply disapproved of by DM; DF visited). So I definitely get where you're coming from OP.

Thank you so much for posting this...it is a relief to read that I am not alone in feeling how I feel. I have felt so guilty for so long about this. My parents would do anything for me, and always want to throw money at any situation (if it is in line with how they want me to live), but don't realise how controlling and judgemental they are. My mum thinks we are best friends when in actual fact I tell her so very little about my life. She wishes I lived closer and came to visit more when in actual fact this would be my worst nightmare...

Splatattack I am glad sharing feels good. My parents sound very similar to yours.

I keep conversation light and pleasant.

My mother cannot read me. I would never confide in her, nor she me, I would never tell her of any worries or hopes, or any emotion really.

I have tried in the past but she cannot cope with knowing what's going on with me.
She takes ownership of any problem and it becomes hers.
For example when I was widowed she was the one unable to cope.
Her neighbours and friends brought her flowers and visited while she wailed and I made tea for everyone.
I had to run her to her bereavement counselling ( she doesn't drive).

Certain topics are the make digs at maisy and her life choices whilst claiming to be talking about a related topic. (E.g. I was just talking at work to somebody about blah blah blah and actually -insert dig here-).
Other things it's best not to rise to or mention because it gives me an easier life even if inwardly it is winding me up

I'm not a different person but DH is right when he says there's no point getting irritated.

I swear a lot less and they're target UKIP, so I go gently on certain topics because it's uncomfortable.

I'm very much myself with my own parents. DP is very much not - he has a brilliant sense of humour that they don't get at all, so he just doesn't act like himself around them. I follow his lead so tone myself down as well. They are also unnecessary worriers so there are a lot of minor things I have to remember they aren't to know - things like DP having a cough that lasted a while, or being in a very minor road accident, or the price of anything at all.

My parents were fairly unusual as I was growing up. Publicans, bought a bar in a Spanish town in the 80's with only Spanish trade and very liberal.

I've never felt the need to lie to them, and still don't, although they have become much more narrow minded and conservative with age.

I still enjoy getting wankered merry with my dad and debating politics, football and Donald Trump!

They are embarrassing, drink too much, smoke too many fags, and sometimes show me up on social media (mainly my mum actually) but I love them, and they love me, exactly as I am.

I'm sorry that so many people do t have the same relationship with their parents, I hope Dd and I will have a similar bond when she grows up.

This thread came just in time for me... I have a really volatile relationship with my mother. We have had a stable few years but this week it has all gone horribly wrong. She has ignored me for a few months and I finally got her on the phone this week and she blew up at me over a perceived slight two months ago.

She has said she will never visit me again and said some terrible things. Then she cut the phone call off.

My father is thankfully very sane and lovely! but I've missed my mum for months and now I suppose I will miss her for a long time. I hope she will still see my little daughter.

Erm. So no. I can't really be myself around her.

I can be around my mum but have felt guilty when I've later learned she's been worried about me so will sometimes give an edited version of myself over the phone (done see her more than a couple of times a year).

With my dad I can be myself but it tends to cause problems with him sticking his oar in or judging or criticising. He gets a heavily edited version of me. In person (again, once or twice a year at most) I'm quite tense around him so not myself. Unless drunk

Thanks for posting this - I feel less alone.

I went to uni and got carted off to the mental health hospital - it took me a month to tell them. Because I knew it would make me feel much worse. My Dad told me that he thought I was better and harder than that,and that I had let them down.

Much later I had a miscarriage and when I phoned them to tell them my mum just cut me off and said "well now you know how I felt when I had mine".

When I was 16 I was attacked in the local park on a bright summers evening - he tried to drag me into some bushes. I fought him off (had been doing wadoryu for 6years at that point) I got back and phoned the police - they got my parents out of the pub, my mum told the police that I had been stupid and had brought it upon myself by being in the park on a bright summers evening. Then they went back to the pub.

I phoned up to say am just out of resus with an asthma attack but am going to be in hospital for a while - she said "Aye - your sisters had a bit of cold..."

I phoned her to tell her I had a new job! "Aye well - your sisters looking for a new job too..."

I lived away (2 hours away) for 30 years and she came to see me twice. When I was in hospital.

This is a tiny proportion of a huge long catalogue of stuff.

Am so sorry - I don't know where all this came from - I feel like I have just dumped on you all

I had to always steel myself to phone them because it was just painful.

They are dead now, including my sister, but I still held their hands through their final illnesses, and whilst they died, nursed them, sorted out funerals, house clearances, probate etc- I was always the fixer. But it was always one way traffic.

I still love and miss them. Now they are gone I feel bereft. It is now never going to happen that I feel cared for and that hurts.

Am now am going to have to namechange.

I know exactly how you feel OP.

I have been studying for a BSc Computing & IT with the OU for the past six years and I am due to graduate in November.

About a year ago I said that I was considering applying to do teacher training after I had got my degree.

They looked at me strangely and said, "as if a school would accept you to do teacher training, don't be ridiculous"

I haven't mentioned it since but I fully intend to apply the second I get my degree result confirmed.

I won't be telling them a thing about it unless I get accepted otherwise they will take great pleasure in telling me that they told me it was ba ridiculous idea.

my youngest has ADHD but didn't really accept it for a long time and thought I just needed to be tougher with him
I have ADHD and I made the mistake the other day by telling my mother that I am so glad that I was diagnosed because now I take medication for it, I feel like I can really cope with my life.

She told me that if I just tried harder with things then I wouldn't need the medication.

Other than being slightly less sweary, I'm myself with them.

I'm myself with my parents - they would know something was up if I wasn't myself.

Apocalyptichorsewoman take a squeeze

Never. I don't even have them on my facebook as I know they will judge. I limit what I tell them about myself and my family. It just isn't worth the pain as I know my father will store up criticism and them pick a fight with me where he will not hold back. It's taken decades for me to work out that he does this and it isn't normal.

It is a million miles from unconditional love.

I don't feel like that with my mum, she's genuinely one of my best friends. Not quite so relaxed around my dad, but we're just not as close.

I used to hide stuff when I was younger but now? No! Although I live in a different country to them so probably do without even realising.

Although, having read through the thread now, I think there's a world of difference between not telling your parents something to protect them compared to some of the posters who are not telling their parents to protect themselves.

I can be myself around my mum,she already knows my faults so no need to hide them.She is my mum though so still chides me as if I were younger if needed and I tease her.
I don't live near which has never been important until recently as she is getting a bit frailer,79 and non of us live forever.