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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that most people don't feel they can be themselves around their parents?

94 replies

Chchchchangeabout · 28/07/2017 22:02

I have always assumed this is just normal. Anytime I spend much time with mine I have to hide what I'm up to, otherwise they make annoying and picky comments about my choices. I have always assumed this is just normal but recently read a thread which made me wonder.

AIBU?

OP posts:
NothingRhymesWithOrange · 28/07/2017 22:30

I'm like you, OP. Hide things from them, tell outright lies sometimes. They're toxic and I can't handle their judgement or their extreme anxiety - it makes me ill.

BetterEatCheese · 28/07/2017 22:30

I do a bit but only because my mum is really giggly and fairly immature. I therefore steer clear of news, study, serious topics as she drifts off!

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 28/07/2017 22:31

I feel the same as you OP. Find it so stressful being with them, especially when my children are with us too. Feel constantly judged, waiting for the kids to play up and can't relax. I wish I knew how to change things Sad. Weirdly I am much more myself (although not completely) with my in-laws.

CaoNiMartacus · 28/07/2017 22:31

Whenever I am "myself" with my mother, I end up regretting it. As a result I am like goddamn grey rock around her. Major narcissist, she is.

malificent7 · 28/07/2017 22:31

When i got my tattoo my dad kicked off... last year when i was 38 years old!

JennyOnAPlate · 28/07/2017 22:32

I'm with you op. My mum is very critical and judgemental so I don't tell her anything any more.

thebigbluedustbin · 28/07/2017 22:32

I used to be that way, until I realised that my parents are just human like everyone else. Took me to my 30s for that though. I think it's normal at some stage in your life to feel that way.

Original poster
Chchchchangeabout · 28/07/2017 22:34

Yes Cao, I sometimes end up sharing something about the real me but always end up regretting it later.

OP posts:
WiganPierre · 28/07/2017 22:35

No, I feel completely myself, I tell my Mum everything.

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 28/07/2017 22:39

My main problem is that when my DC misbehave I feel it reflects really badly on me as a parent in front of my own parents. Then my parents get stressed so I get stressed. Anyone else feel like this?

megletthesecond · 28/07/2017 22:39

I'm not myself around my mum. She's way too critical. I hate having to constantly check what I'm saying and daren't mention anything that might cause her to start sticking her nose in. It's exhausting.

SilentBob · 28/07/2017 22:41

Not (whatever it may be) normal, somewhat sad and, unfortunately for me, the way my relationship with my parents has turned out.

I have not been in touch with them since January this year. There have been a few upsetting moments (for me, at least. For them- probably not so much) but on the whole I am happier being the actual me than being the me I felt had to be.

Itmustbemyage · 28/07/2017 22:42

I definitely edit what I tell my mum, quite major things that have happened in my life she either knows nothing about or knows only part. She has an opinion about everything which I find quite wearing as it doesn't often coincide with my thoughts about things, she doesn't accept that times have moved on and society has changed.
She is older now so I keep our conversations light and not confrontational.

Cailleach666 · 28/07/2017 22:44

I can't be myself around my Mum.

We are vastly different people and she is critical at every turn.

I tell her very little.

PurpleChai · 28/07/2017 22:45

I keep so much from my parents they don't even know my real job, and I also got married without telling them many years ago. There is a huge back story that I won't go in to but I could easily join the stately homes thread Sad I'm aware it shouldn't be like that but thankfully I have my DH on my side with everything. I see my relationship with my parents as cordial for the sake of DD but it's never been a loving or fulfilling one for me.

FairytaleOfSkegness · 28/07/2017 22:46

I am not my true self round my parents as I can't bear the judging and disapproval however I can be 100% myself with my parents in law. It's a bit sad really as feels like it should be the other way round

Roomba · 28/07/2017 22:48

I've always felt like that but my mother was extremely critical and judgemental when I was younger. Less so now I'm 40 and a mother myself, now she doesn't understand why we're not closer.

I had this debate with my ex as he didn't get why I was more reserved in front of my family when he would tell his parents stuff I doubt most people would ever dream of telling their parents! But his folks were lovely hippies who accepted absolutely everything and had never said a negative thing about him in his life

OhYouBadBadKitten · 28/07/2017 22:48

they are the only people I can't be myself with.

LockedOutOfMN · 28/07/2017 22:49

I am myself the most when I'm with my immediate family, i.e. DPs, DBs, DS, DBIL, DSIL, DP, DCs.

To be honest I'm not someone who hides anything, really, except for at work to be professional or appropriate (I'm a teacher). So most of the time I'm being myself.

HalfATankini · 28/07/2017 22:50

I'm not myself at all around my mum and in fact I don't really like myself around her. I'm quite private and prickly. But I've realised that other than her I only socialise with people I'm relaxed with so the awkwardness just gets worse.

Terrible a thing as it is to admit I know when she dies I'll feel liberated Sad

Itmustbemyage · 28/07/2017 22:51

Yes me also toostressy my parents knew my youngest has ADHD but didn't really accept it for a long time and thought I just needed to be tougher with him and he would ' be alright' so I had to limit the amount of time we spent together with them as it was just too stressful for me, constantly worrying, in case he kicked off.

SleepFreeZone · 28/07/2017 22:52

My mum is absolutely fine and knows everything that's ever happened to me. My dad knows the edited version and he isn't particularly interested nowadays so I tend to keep things short and sweet.

ExplodedCloud · 28/07/2017 22:53

With my parents? Yes I'm able to be me. More so as we've all got older. Fortunate really as my mum seems to have an unerring ability to read my voice perfectly. Couldn't hide anything from her if I tried. Good job she's lovely.

laurelstar · 28/07/2017 22:54

My relationships with my mother and father are both among the very closest I have, more so now in my near-middle-age. I do feel I can be myself with them and feel less inhibited than with almost anyone else. We're family

Trustmeimadoggroomer17 · 28/07/2017 22:56

I'm only my 100% self with dp