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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my friend to contribute towards the fine?

112 replies

Milkshakebelly · 28/07/2017 20:44

A friend of mine asked my to drive her to a course in an area which I'm unfamiliar with, in a big city (I am a rural area driver) It was a struggle for me to get childcare but I eventually managed to take her.

I was using the sat nav and the sat nav told me to turn right, as soon as I turned right I was unsure as it looked liked it was a bus only section. I slowed down and my friend said it wasn't bus only and as the sat nav had told us to turn this way we were ok to drive down.

I've now received a fine through the post from a cctv camera and it was in fact a bus only section. I can't afford to pay the full fine. AIBU to ask her to pay half? She didn't offer me anything towards the petrol but paid for a coffee whilst I sat and waited for her

OP posts:
HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 29/07/2017 08:29

Yabu, your the driver!

The SAT NAV is for directions, not hazard perception!

VeryButchyRestingFace · 29/07/2017 08:48

She should pay petrol, and you shouldn't have taken her without establishing that first.

Had I been your friend, I would offer to pay the fine. However, I tend to think someone who lets you ferry them about w/o even offering petrol money may not see things that way.

Ultimately, the offence is your fault so the fine is your responsibilty.

I think perhaps you should look at whether you do a bit too much for other people.

Twooter · 29/07/2017 08:57

I've done the same in Glasgow. It's hard when you're busy trying to look at traffic lights, directions on the satnav, making sure you're not going the wrong way down a one-way street, stressed because you don't know where you're going, trying to concentrate on all tge different road signs.

wonderingsoul · 29/07/2017 09:18

Id phone up explain. They normally let you off for your first offence if driving in a bus lane.

Alicia555 · 29/07/2017 09:21

You did her a big favour driving her so in a perfect world it would be nice of her to offer to contribute to the fine. Did you tell her about the fine?

DontTouchTheMoustache · 29/07/2017 09:25

I had a friend who came to pick me up for a trip (we take turns driving) on the way to get me she got a speeding ticket, she then tried to imply I should contribute because she was coming to pick me up! 😮

TestTubeTeen · 29/07/2017 09:29

She should have paid petrol, and as she encouraged you to drive down the street after you questioned it, and as you were doing the whole journey solely for her benefit, morally she should pay.

I know that 'driver responsibility' is the bottom line, but look at it this way:
If she had her own car / had driven in, she would have paid petrol, she would have got the same TwatNav direction, she would have made the decision to carry on in the bus lane, and got her own fine.

In effect, by not having her own car / driving herself in, she has magically offloaded all this to you!

Why did she need a lift anyway? Next time just drive her to the station.

HappydaysArehere · 29/07/2017 09:36

Tell her about the fine and say you cannot afford to pay it. Hopefully she will cough up tho if she didn't offer to pay for petrol that may not be the expected response. In that case actually ask her if she can help out.
You were obviously more tense than usual driving in an unfamiliar built up area. You were directed to a bus area and I expected you became really confused as to how to get out of the situation and reach your friend's destination. I feel for you. I drive locally but always tell others I no longer drive in London.

cushioncovers · 29/07/2017 09:49

She should pay half and offer some petrol money. I wouldn't give her a lift again op.

CockacidalManiac · 29/07/2017 09:54

It wasn't Sheffield, was it?
If I was your passenger, I'd feel morally responsible for the situation and pay up.

HiJenny35 · 29/07/2017 10:15

It doesn't matter what anyone else in your car says you are solely responsable. In no way at all is she responsible for the fine. As for saying driving in some areas is hard, well then you should have said no. You can't blame others. A pain that you got a fine helping another but that's life. No you cannot ask your friend to pay your fine, you should know road signs or not be on the road.

seven201 · 29/07/2017 10:28

Oh tricky. I parked in a car park and started to make my way over to the pay machine but my friend said 'don't worry it's free on Sundays'. I got a fine! She did offer to pay (can't remember if some or all) but I did that very British thing of saying 'oh no don't worry' despite being quite broke at the time. I like the suggestion of saying that now you need the petrol covered as the fine has caused money worries. I agree with people who say that non-drivers don't realise how much petrol costs/lasts.

EBearhug · 29/07/2017 10:40

You were the driver, so it's your responsibility and your fine. However, if you can't afford it, she's the first person to ask for a loan - arranging childcare to drive her there and she doesn't even give you petrol money, she definitely owes you something.

AvoidingCallenetics · 29/07/2017 11:42

If the bus lane wasn't clearly sign posted you can often appeal against the fine.

Even really experienced and safe drivers sometimes make mistakes. Some cities are a nightmare for traffic and it's easy to get it wrong. A pp was right - in gettong you to drive her in, shr has managed to offload responsibility for everything.

I wouldn't be doing her any favours in future if she doesn't pay half!

lljkk · 29/07/2017 11:50

Friend can't do worse than say No. I'd ask her to pay at least half.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 29/07/2017 11:54

YABU. You were driving ergo you're responsible. It would be very rude of you to even ask, or slyly mention it in the hopes she offer half.

YetAnotherNC2017 · 29/07/2017 12:08

YABU, sorry! You were driving so it's entirely your responsibility.

I have no qualms in ignoring my passengers when they try and tell me which way to drive though, much to my dads displeasure Grin

Original poster
Milkshakebelly · 29/07/2017 12:34

Ok I've read all the replies.

It was a large city beginning with B yes. I'm quite a nervous driver and found driving in a large city very daunting - I'm not used to having drivers driving up your ass, cutting infront of you, blasting their horns, making sure you are in the right lane and if your not it's really hard to cut across to the right lane as no one will let you out etc so I got very flustered. Once I had turned into the road it wasn't clear immediately that it was a bus lane, hence why I slowed down. My friend then said "no it's not a bus lane, carry on" hence why I carried on. She is a driver but didn't feel confident in driving herself on her own hence why she asked me.

To the person that asked why did I arrange childcare and not take my child - it would have made it worse to have my young children squabbling in the back seat and then having to occupy them for 2 hours whilst we waited for her.

Lesson learnt I think in that I won't be offering to give people lifts to places which I'm not confident in driving.

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 29/07/2017 12:36

Yes, especially if it means childcare to organise and paying for the petrol!

BlondeB83 · 29/07/2017 12:38

You are responsible but if I was your friend I would pay it in full.

mum11970 · 29/07/2017 12:40

If she didn't even offer to the petrol you'll have no chance of her offering to pay a penny of the fine.

Rhubarbtart9 · 29/07/2017 12:57

So she used a couple hours of your time, your petrol, you had to arrange childcare and you've now got a fine to pay. And to top it off she could have driven herself! She's all take and no give.

If asked again tell her sorry, it's too much for you.

Rhubarbtart9 · 29/07/2017 12:58

Have you told her about the fine?

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 29/07/2017 13:30

I'm quite a nervous driver... so I got very flustered

You need more lessons or you shouldn't be driving. Nervous drivers are very dangerous to everyone else on the road.

MargotMoon · 29/07/2017 13:34

You are at fault as the driver but as you were only there in the first place to do your friend a favour I don't think it would be unreasonable to ask her. You need to decide though whether if she then says no you can deal with the awkward situation and whether it's going to affect your friendship.