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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my friend to contribute towards the fine?

112 replies

Milkshakebelly · 28/07/2017 20:44

A friend of mine asked my to drive her to a course in an area which I'm unfamiliar with, in a big city (I am a rural area driver) It was a struggle for me to get childcare but I eventually managed to take her.

I was using the sat nav and the sat nav told me to turn right, as soon as I turned right I was unsure as it looked liked it was a bus only section. I slowed down and my friend said it wasn't bus only and as the sat nav had told us to turn this way we were ok to drive down.

I've now received a fine through the post from a cctv camera and it was in fact a bus only section. I can't afford to pay the full fine. AIBU to ask her to pay half? She didn't offer me anything towards the petrol but paid for a coffee whilst I sat and waited for her

OP posts:
FluffyPineapple · 28/07/2017 22:22

Tricky! If I were the passenger I would certainly have covered your petrol costs. Have you asked your friend to pay half towards the fine?

This is the very reason why I won't offer to drive non-drivers anywhere. They have no clue of petrol costs or the risk of driving offences charges.

In future make an excuse OP. Sad but we all need to learn that lesson, sooner rather than later ....

Ellisandra · 28/07/2017 22:49

Is she a non driver?
If so, you shouldn't have relied on her comment about it being a bus lane or not.

So I'd say no, she doesn't owe you. Look at it this way - if you'd gone over the speed limit and got a fine, should she pay? You're being fined for your driving failure.

I do think a PP was spot on with the idea to tell her that as you have a fine, you need her to pay for petrol now.

Girlwithgreeneyes76 · 28/07/2017 23:00

We're you in a city beginning with B op?
My brother got caught out there.
I think it would be a nice gesture for your friend to pay half the fine. She should also pay for all the petrol a coffee really doesn't cut it.

wrenika · 28/07/2017 23:55

You were in control of the car. You pay it. She had no control over where you put your vehicle.

Floralnomad · 28/07/2017 23:58

You need to pay the fine , it was you driving . If you didn't want to do the favour you should have said no . You normally get these things cheaper if you pay quickly , have you looked to see if that's the case .

Wallywobbles · 29/07/2017 05:51

Ask, explain that you can't afford it, see what happens. Hopefully she'll pay or help and won't ask again. Which sounds like it'll be a win.

Saysomething88 · 29/07/2017 05:56

Why didn't you say as a condition of driving that she would have to pay petrol.
Also childcare. Well that's really kind you went out of your way to do a favour. Could you have taken your child with you?
I wouldn't expect someone to help pay a fine but I would expect petrol

sparkleandsunshine · 29/07/2017 05:57

I don't think it's unreasonable. If she hadn't reassured you that it wasn't. Bus only Road then maybe I'd think different but as she did that then I think she should take some responsibility, you were doing her a favour, you weren't sure of something, she advised you on something, she was wrong. I can't believe she didn't give you petrol money, sounds a right cow

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 29/07/2017 06:10

I'd ask her, tbh - but I wouldn't be surprised if she refused.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/07/2017 06:21

I think if she were a reasonable person, she wouldn't have goaded you into driving her to her course knowing a) you weren't comfortable driving in that location and b) that you wouldn't want to take your child and c) that petrol and driving costs money.

I would definitely ask her. However, fully expect her to turn round and tell you it's not her problem. Being an adult, it was her responsibility to find a way of getting there without pressuring a ''mate". She sounds very entitled tbh.

Holidayhooray · 29/07/2017 06:21

It absolutely wouldn't occur to me to ask.

I was the driver. I made the mistake. I pay the fine.

Say your friend was driving you to the airport. She made a wrong turning, ended up getting caught up in traffic and you missed your flight. Would she be expected to pay for your flight? No.

AddToBasket · 29/07/2017 06:29

Sorry but you were the driver in charge and you are responsible for all the driving decisions. Satnav is irrelevant - you need to look at the signs.

You could ask her for the petrol money, although if she bought you a coffee she probably thinks you are square - I would think that too, especially if this was the kind of friendship where you both do each other favours.

StickThatInYourPipe · 29/07/2017 06:42

All these replies are making me worried! The ones saying 'you wouldn't have been there if it wasn't for her'... i organised a party for dp a few months ago and one of the guest got a parking fine and told me, should I have offered to pay half as they wouldn't have been there if it wasn't for me/dp?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 29/07/2017 06:44

Unless you alternate favours that cost money, I'd mention the fine and ask for the petrol cost.

AvoidingCallenetics · 29/07/2017 07:25

That's different pipe. They weren't doing you a favour by attending the party - that is a social event that they presumably wanted to attend.
My friend and I went shopping in am unfamiliar city. She was driving and got caught in a bus lane. It's easily done. I said straight away that if she got a fine then I would pay half because we both wanted to go shopping.
I also know of someone who had a mate pick up a dog for him. Dog jumped out of mates arms, got injured and then the person who had asked the mate for a favour left the vet bill to his mate because it was 'his fault' dog got injured. So poor mate was seriously out of pocket for doing a favour.
Some people are massive piss takers. The coffee covers pretrol if you were taking her 10 minutes away but if you were driving some distance, she ought to have paid for parking straight away.
I think that helping people out, shouldn't leave you with bills!

AvoidingCallenetics · 29/07/2017 07:26

Sorry, paid for petrol. Should hsve paid parking too though

RhubardGin · 29/07/2017 07:38

Your childcare issues are completely irrelevant to the story, not your friends problem if you agreed to take her.

You were the driver, it's your responsibility to pay the fine. Even if she told you it was fine, there would have been signs which, as the driver, you were responsible for checking.

Not offering to pay for petrol was rude, I always offer if getting a lift.

A lesson learned unfortunately.

RhubardGin · 29/07/2017 07:42

It's easily done. I said straight away that if she got a fine then I would pay half because we both wanted to go shopping

So if my friend drives us both into town to get a few bits and bobs and she gets a fine for driving 40 in a 30, should I pay half because she wasn't paying attention to the road signs?

honeysucklejasmine · 29/07/2017 07:48

I think the difference here is that the friend encouraged her to take the turning and said it was fine.

Presumably Rhubarb and others wouldn't encourage the hypothetical driver to speed.

McTufty · 29/07/2017 07:50

@anutteridiot

This has happened to me only once, also in Reading! It really was not clearly signposted at all until it was too late.

londonrach · 29/07/2017 07:53

Yabu. You the driver responsible for the car and you made the mistake re bus lanes (weve done it too but luckily never contacted) BUT you doing her a favour. She owes you petrol money. Talk to her

wafflesandicecream · 29/07/2017 08:24

I don't understand why anyone is saying friend should pay the fine tbh.

She should have been paid petrol however.

You passed your driving test, your the one behind the wheel controlling the vehicle - not your friend. You should never follow sat nav or friends advice on blind faith.

In my opinion you can't expect your friend to pay or contribute.

Imamouseduh · 29/07/2017 08:26

Nope, you're the driver, you pay the fine.

Loopytiles · 29/07/2017 08:27

Yabu.

Jijhebtseksmetezels · 29/07/2017 08:28

It would be nice if your friend did as she told you to take the turn. Be more forceful next time!