Can't afford the holiday someone else has booked for us, they lose money if we don't go.

[Beetop]

NC

Long story but close family member wanted us to come on holiday with them as they didn't want to go alone and they were trying to be nice and give us a holiday when they know we can't afford one and I am greatly appreciative. They definately know how skint we are. I do work but am a single parent with children including a child with SN.

They had mentioned it and I had said that I needed time to save if we were going to come however they booked the holiday to go twelve weeks from the date it was first mentioned. We were already booked on a weekend away in a UK caravan in June so had had to save up for that.

Firstly dc passports had run out so that's been around sixty pound each with check and send. I've been diagnosed with a health condition which has rocketed my insurance.

Then I've found out they have booked a hotel for the night before. We are actually not far from the airport but don't drive and they have booked a very early flight, they have also booked a meal at a restaurant. Then two lots of train fare and an extra night in the Kennels for the dog as we are going to the airport a day early (their dog is staying with other family so no cost for them but ours will need to go in kennels)
The kennels are £15 a night times by 7 nights of the holiday plus two extra nights because hotel near airport before and after holiday.

We are looking at roughly £160 plus before we even get on the plane.

Then the resort they have chosen does not have cooking facilities or a fridge or tea making facilities so we are reliant on eating out for every meal. If we go away I will normally do a supermarket shop but we can't do that.

It's not got any kids activities so I'm going to need to pay for stuff for the kids to do as it is not child friendly.

Then when we get back five days before the start of school I will have all the costs associated with that and absolutely no money. I'm massively stressed about it. I've raised it with them and they keep saying oh don't worry about it it will be fine but that's easy to say when you have the money to go and I don't want to be reliant on others and frightened of doing anything while there.

It's caused upset with me and the kids as they aren't stupid and know I am stressed about it.

So more of a wwyd really as I'm making myself ill worrying about it.

I'd tell her you simply cannot afford it and won't be going. It's not worth the stress and you won't enjoy yourself having to count the pennies. She shouldn't have booked it.

Have they booked and paid for it or have they booked and said you have to pay this cost and that cost and that cost ?

So are they are paying for the holiday itself and you are responsible for the other costs?

Not that it really matters as they can't say "don't worry about it".
They should have checked with you before booking anything.

Tell them you've costed it and run through with them the costs. Say you are immensely grateful to them but that all the associated costs are just mounting up and you can't see a way around it. Be honest. See what they say. They may be able to offer to sub you with an arrangement to pay back over a few months.

Poor you. Try not to stress, although I know that's easier said than done.

They've paid for the holiday in full. We just need spends.

It's years since we have been abroad but for us this would usually mean train to airport on the morning and a cheap supermarket shop when we got there. The kids would have gone in kids club free activities or played round the pool.

That is really inconsiderate of them! How close are you?

I really feel for you... It's so horrible when someone tries to do something lovely but it actually makes things worse. (Actually, I feel sorry for them too).

I think you just have to be honest and straight with them about what you can and can't afford and if it means you don't go, you can't go. You never agreed to all the extras like the hotel the night before. I don't think the kids activities are a necessity if there's a pool - just buy a ball and an inflatable and most kids will be happy all day long.

Close. I think they are just trying to give the kids a nice holiday. I'm massively grateful. They do loads for us. If this was October half term or something it would have been better.

I had to borrow £40 (I've paid it back) three weeks ago as our freezer defrosted while we were at there's for a few days and I didn't have the money to replace so they definately know how much we are struggling.

Could you arrange to meet them at the airport. It would cut out the hotel each side and the extra nights for the dog?

You can't really pull out at this stage if your kind relative would lose money, so it's a question of looking at how you can reduce costs.
As far as the kids are concerned, if it's a resort with a pool/beach, then what else do they need?You don't need to be paying for other activities as well. Depending on age, take a few toys ( lego/duplo?) and buy a cheap bucket and spade when you get there.
For the hotel near the airport, if they've booked it, are they paying for it? If not, could they cancel and you get a taxi to the airport instead, probably cheaper as you are near. Spell out to them that you can't afford the hotel/dinner etc - you need to be really clear. As you have said, it's easy for them to say it will be fine, maybe they don't really get just how skint you are. It's better to be explicit at this stage, or they will be expecting lunches and dinners out all the time on holiday.

While you are there.. you could take a travel kettle so at least you can make tea. You can buy milk there, and keep it cold in a bucket/bath. If breakfast is included in the deal, then you won't need much for lunch, you can get things daily from supermarket, like cold drinks, so that you're not buying these expensively from a bar.
And the dog..I've no idea how much kennels are, but is there any alternative? neighbour, friend, you could pay them something but less than kennels.
Have the children got any savings? It would be reasonable for them to take money, if they have it, for treats like icecream.
Can you tell, I'm used to doing holidays on the cheap! A lot of it is about managing expectations, explain to your kids that that the beach/pool is the treat, and that you can't afford extras - they'll understand, mine always did. Just going on a plane will be exciting for them, and staying in a hotel ( which I'm assuming it must be if there are no catering facilities.)

Keepserving normally that's exactly what the kids would do, we have never done big days out as. Cannot afford. Unfortunately the resort booked is the kind of place where children are expected to be seen but not heard. They booked it as it looked lovely and was near the airport which makes it easier but it's the kind of small place that has a lot of regulars and both trip advisor and the Facebook page for the hotel and a direct comment made to us on social media by a regular guest make their opinions on children very clear... They considered changing but it's too late.

I feel stressed just reading that, also couldn't afford extra costs.

Just tell them you can't afford the holiday. You did say you needed time to save up and then it was sort of sprung on you. 12 weeks is not a lot of time for saving. Even without extra costs like passports and extra hotel stays.

Happy to just do beach although it is a bus ride each time which again costs money.
There's several places family member wants to go which again will cost money for the bus.

I've said to them I want to relax and not rush about mostly because I can't afford it.

Going to try and take a travel kettle and those sachets.

No savings although the kids have forty euros from when they went away with school years ago.

Just front up. Tell them the problem. I suspect as they've already been kind enough to book you a holiday and they know that you're skint they probably expect to treat you while you're out there too. Just be honest with them.

Ok, deep.breath.

As you weren't expecting the extra nights, ak the relatives if they could help with associated costs of extra days at kennels and if there is another - cheaper hotel-option for the airport stay ? Maybe they are paying for the arrival/departure airport hotel stays but want to surprise you?

Can your request a fridge / kettle etc in the room at your resort?

If not, a compact travel kettle and cups works out cheaper to bring with you and can use in future. If no fridge just go each day and buy lunch things/ snacks from shops.

Children can often impress you by making up their own games/ socialising and just enjoying the pool or outdoor area..
being bored is the best fuel for creativity.
not sure how old the DCs are but could you whizz round the house / £1 shop and find some small items to get them started...?Not necessary to have spoon fed, orchestrated activities for them to have a good time.

Could it be that you are generally anxious about this trip, aside from the costs, as you haven't been on this kind of holiday with these people before...?

Clarify and reduce costs where possible being direct and honest, but calm.

Try and relax and go with the flow. Am sure you'll have a great holiday.

Oh no - feel for you both really. You need to be honest as others have said. Explain you can't do hotel night before leaving, and see if you can find alternative care for hour dog (a sitter may be cheaper, or would it be possible to ask a friend for £5 per day/gift from duty free?) I appreciate trip adviser reviews can be offputting but try not to be overly worried about other guests etc. As pp said take some easily transported toys and enjoy the pool or beach if there, pack a foldable cool bag and keep a wee stash of cold drinks and fruit and dried snacks in room so there's picnics available and have bread/cheese/meats for dinners some nights. Holidays are about being together, but also relaxing, so ultimately if too stressful apologise now and hope she can find someone else to go. Alternatively lay your cards out and explain it's only possible if you can borrow x amount to ensure school essentials covered and you can enjoy your time. Thank her for her kindness but be upfront.

I wouldn't go if it's going to get you into debt.

We had similar once when DM offered to pay for us to go to her house in Spain. Lovely idea. Except basically she was going to pay £30 each or so for a Ryanair flight... We'd have had to pay hotels either end because of where the Ryanair airports were, hire a car (ditto) and as I was on maternity leave, we just couldn't afford it. DM was mightily offended but to my mind, a gift with conditions isn't really a gift. It backfired in the end as PILs then paid for us to go to their house in France... DM could have afforded to sub us, no doubt, she just didn't want to! I think she thought because I'd saved in order to be able to have the year off work, we had loads in the bank. In reality it was all very tightly budgeted, with a set top up amount withdrawn each month in order that we could pay the mortgage. It still smarts now, years on, as she should have understood and chose not to.

Seriously, don't get yourself into debt over this. It sounds like you have zero contingency. I wasn't prepared to shorten my time off work with DC1 for the sake of a holiday - that's what it came down to. If you can't afford food, you can't afford to go away.

Tell them that you can't afford the airport hotel and restaurant for the nights before and after the holiday. They booked it without consulting you so they need to come up with solutions to that.

Don't pay for stuff for the kids to do. I'm sure that there will be things that they can do with you that don't cost extra apart from the occasional ice cream.

I don't think there is any way around the eating out issue, but again, let your relative know that you can't afford much and will need to keep it cheap.

You need to be a bit assertive here. Don't be fobbed off with "don't worry about it, it will be fine". Be specific about your concerns and make it very clear how limited your budget is.

e.g:

OP "We can't afford to stay in the hotel the night before the flight"
Relative "Don't worry about it, it will be fine"
OP "It won't be fine, because we can't afford it"
Relative - random nonsense
OP "We can't afford it"
Etc

They should have run all the detail past you! You can't go if it will get you in debt.

Thanks all.
I did debate just sending the kids. Would have cut out kennel costs and food costs would have dropped but my family member is elderly and has a medical condition so it wouldn't be fair on any of them should they take ill.

I don't know anyone who could have the dog. She's a bit bonkers.

I'd be upfront and just say you can't afford it. They shouldn't have booked it without consulting you first.

But if you do decide to go, there's an app called Tailsters. It lists dog/cat sitters, boarders and walkers. You might be able to find a dog sitter for cheaper than kennels, if you don't mind someone staying in your house.

I was going to suggest a dog/house sitter too. Even better if it is someone with a car who could drop you at the airport.

This sounds extremely stressful. They clearly have very set expectations in terms of the extras and the activities on the holiday too.

I think you need to be brutally honest and say you cannot afford it. They may lose money but equally they shouldn't have booked it. Gifts with such conditions are not gifts in my opinion.

They booked it to make themselves feel better, not to make you happy. Because if they'd wanted to make you properly happy they'd have respected your very reasonable request for time to save up, and they'd have considered your financial situation too, and made sure they didn't embarrass you or put you in a difficult position by imposing this on you. And they'd have made sure it was a holiday you could actually enjoy, by making sure it was family-friendly.

Tell them you would love a holiday but can't afford this one, and that you're very sorry but you can't join them this time.