Can't afford the holiday someone else has booked for us, they lose money if we don't go.

[Beetop]

NC

Long story but close family member wanted us to come on holiday with them as they didn't want to go alone and they were trying to be nice and give us a holiday when they know we can't afford one and I am greatly appreciative. They definately know how skint we are. I do work but am a single parent with children including a child with SN.

They had mentioned it and I had said that I needed time to save if we were going to come however they booked the holiday to go twelve weeks from the date it was first mentioned. We were already booked on a weekend away in a UK caravan in June so had had to save up for that.

Firstly dc passports had run out so that's been around sixty pound each with check and send. I've been diagnosed with a health condition which has rocketed my insurance.

Then I've found out they have booked a hotel for the night before. We are actually not far from the airport but don't drive and they have booked a very early flight, they have also booked a meal at a restaurant. Then two lots of train fare and an extra night in the Kennels for the dog as we are going to the airport a day early (their dog is staying with other family so no cost for them but ours will need to go in kennels)
The kennels are £15 a night times by 7 nights of the holiday plus two extra nights because hotel near airport before and after holiday.

We are looking at roughly £160 plus before we even get on the plane.

Then the resort they have chosen does not have cooking facilities or a fridge or tea making facilities so we are reliant on eating out for every meal. If we go away I will normally do a supermarket shop but we can't do that.

It's not got any kids activities so I'm going to need to pay for stuff for the kids to do as it is not child friendly.

Then when we get back five days before the start of school I will have all the costs associated with that and absolutely no money. I'm massively stressed about it. I've raised it with them and they keep saying oh don't worry about it it will be fine but that's easy to say when you have the money to go and I don't want to be reliant on others and frightened of doing anything while there.

It's caused upset with me and the kids as they aren't stupid and know I am stressed about it.

So more of a wwyd really as I'm making myself ill worrying about it.

I am in a similar situation, and more reliant on family generosity than ever before. I feel sick thinking of you the week before the holidays trying to do the best for your kids with no money.

I wouldn't go. But, I would write my 'host' a letter explaining why.

Sorry but it doesn't sound like its really been planned to suit everyone, and more like you are supporting them on a holiday?

No advice but just wanted to offer my sympathy. I'm in the same boat. Going on an expensive holiday with flights and accommodation paid by a relative. I'm hugely grateful for that. It was very kind of them to do it with the best intentions but the associated costs mean when I get back I'm going to have nothing left for two weeks. Didnt really want to go but they were desperate for us to come and I felt too bad to say no. No idea how I'm going to manage when I get back though.

We've had issues with people booking holidays for us when we are skint too. I was much less gracious in my posts on here. It is such a lovely thing to do but it also can be incredibly thoughtless.

I think you are going to have to tell them that it is not possible. They will be cross, but it is NOT your fault, though I guarantee you will end up feeling worse than they do because that's the nature of clumsy generosity.

Don't be stressed about a bloody holiday. Decline the gift and let them find someone else.

They are probably thinking that it will cost you to live over her for the duration of the holiday and so it will cost you the same to live over there. Not taking into account the fact of you not having to eat out every night or renew your passports to stay here. It is a nice offer but seems very odd to book a non child friendly hotel.

Can you just be really honest with them. Tell them that after paying for the passports and dog kennelling you have xx to spend and thats to cover everything.
It sounds like they want you there so maybe they already intend to pay for meals and the hotel ? It also sounds as if you're there to provide company and they are not struggling financially so I would expect them to offer to cover these costs.

Oh OP That's such a tricky situation.

Didnt really want to go but they were desperate for us to come and I felt too bad to say no. No idea how I'm going to manage when I get back though.

That's awful. Can't you just tell them? You won't enjoy the holiday at all knowing what a mess it will put you in.

I actually think they sound a bit selfish, they have booked the holiday they want, and then paid for you as they don't want to go alone. They have not thought about yours and the DC's wants and needs. Otherwise they would have included you in the planning and checked ever detail with you before booking. They know that you will feel guilty backing out at this point so they can just carry on adding extras which they expect you to pay for.

Would your relationship survive you pulling out of the holiday? I personally think that is the only option, you can't just magic the money out of nowhere. Also, expecting the dc to be seen and not heard is crazy- they are on holiday, they will want to go in the pool and have fun, not worry about upsetting regulars at the resort!

Is it your Mum who has booked it?

What a situation to put you in. Is it ok to ask where it is they've booked, I work in travel and might know it and be able to help with some practical information about stuff. PM me if you don't want to put on here.

I think you need to be upfront about the financial side - say that with the extra night, hotel, meals etc. it's £200 over what you can afford. You can say that means you can't come, sorry - which is completely true not hinting, but if they then offer to cover those costs then I'd take it and go. They obviously want you with them and I think the other stuff about the resort not being child-friendly is less of a worry. Try to forget the Tripadvisor reviews (wherever you go there's always an off-putting Tripadvisor review) and just go and enjoy yourselves. At this stage, I don't think it's worth upsetting the relative and losing out on what could be a nice family experience, if it can possibly be sorted out by an honest chat.

Do you have any friends who could give you a lift to the airport?
I'd sack off the night before at a hotel
Agree travel kettle then get some cup a soup/instant noodles etc for lunches. Cereal bars for breakfast.
It is possible that they are intending to pay for most things for you but, if I was doing the same, I would have made clear that everything was covered and all you needed was money for ice creams.

Dear lovely kind relative

Thank you ever so much for booking the amazing holiday to xxxxxx in August. It is really kind of you and we would love to be able to accept but we do need to work out how the finances will work.

As I said when we first discussed the idea I do need quite a bit of notice to save up for big spends like this. I am able to save a maximum of £X per week and need to reserve £Y for back-to-school costs at the start of September so the maximum I can save before the holiday is £Z.

Although you are really kindly paying for xxxxxx and yyyyyyyy, the other costs to us like airport travel, dog kennels, food and activities for the children while we are there will come to around £W (see draft budget below) so I will be £(W-Z) short. If you might be able to lend me this amount I will be able to pay you back at £X per week after we are back - is that possible?

If not then sadly I think we will have to leave it this year and hopefully we may be able to do it another time when I have more savings.

With very much love
Beetop

Set money aside for school supplies now.

Work out how much you will need to get by for the rest of the holidays.

Then work out how much you can realistically afford to save for the holiday.

Work out roughly how much you would need to have to make the holiday doable. Food/travel/days out/treats/etc

Write an email/letter to the family member, explain that you have no way to save more that '£100' before the holiday, since kennels alone will be over £100 there is just no way you will be able to afford to go on the holiday.
You've done the maths and you'd need at least '£600' just for meals and travel, it's just not feasible and the stress and worry it's causing you is starting to affect the kids.
You appreciate the very kind gesture but they know your financial situation, you explained you'd need time to save and had they told you they were planning on booking a holiday with 12 weeks notice you would have told them not to as you had no way to save enough in that amount of time.
You are very sorry but you can't see any way around it other than to cancel the holiday.

Either the person will agree to cancel or offer to pay for everything or lend you the money to cover it.

If you are going to borrow it though don't let them pay and set up a running tally, it will stress you out.
Use all the figures you worked out to know exactly what you need and borrow a lump sum then set up a realistic payment schedule.

I agree with the others who say feel free to say it is too much. Personally I'd be really clear and say "my budget for the whole two weeks of the holiday is £60" (or whatever). If you look at the costs of the airport hotel, kennels, eating out, even if we eat cheaply, bus for the children to the beach etc that is £240", they can't really argue or misunderstand. It may not be what they want to hear but that is another thing and they do sound a bit thoughtless - booking a hotel which is not child friendly - really? You'll be shushing the kids all the time - how horrid.

Definitely don't leave yourself short just for a holiday. Stay in the UK and maybe look out for a cheap coach day trip to a seaside place. Your kids will enjoy that just as much and it will not be anywhere near as stressful for you.

If you speak up now they may be able to cancel the hotel rooms at least

IF I've understood this they aren't going to lose any extra if you don't go - they have already spent the money whether you go or not, so no they don't "lose" money if you don't go - though they won't be able to see that - but it might help you to say "no" if you know that you are not now adding to their costs by not going.

Difficult, honest conversation needed. The relative shouldn't have booked it without your agreement and you should have said something sooner, but better late than never as you really can't afford it and have other things you need your limited money for.

It sounds like your relative has booked the holiday that they want and has asked you to go to keep them company. They clearly haven't taken you and the children into consideration at all. Can you politely point that out to them and see if you can come to some sort of resolution?

Really kind and generous of to pay for your holiday.
I am sure such kind people would feel awful if they were causing you stress.

Say thank you but you still can't manage. You appreciate the gesture but u can't afford spends. You are sorry they are inconvenienced and wish you could come but you cant.

I would think this relative is really planning on paying for everything but doesn't know how to tell you that as people are weird about money. You need to take a deep breath, go see them and say that you are really in two minds as to whether to go because you have only got x amount of money for everything. Are they willing to give/long term sub the difference so you can all go away? But you need to talk and tell them an exact amount that you have. Even just give them that up front and then they pay for everything.

Actually thinking about it as you are short of funds they should have booked AI or at least HB. Much cheaper than eating out and less stressful with DCs. Is it an option to add that on to the hotel - might be something to suggest to them to cut down the costs.

IF I've understood this they aren't going to lose any extra if you don't go - they have already spent the money whether you go or not, so no they don't "lose" money if you don't go - though they won't be able to see that - but it might help you to say "no

Well they almost certainly have lost money because presumably they would have paid less at the time if they hadn't booked for the OP and children. I wouldn't try and argue that point with them.

I don't think what they've done is particularly kind at all, to be honest.

They've booked the holiday they want, with flights, costs and accommodation to suit them, and expect the OP to fit in with them, even though she told them she didn't have the time or money to save up.

Booking holidays for other people only works if a) you're going to pay for it all anyway, and that includes costs like passports, kennels, bus fares, food etc. OR you both agreed beforehand on a budget, and one person books and the other pays their share afterwards.

OP - say no. You can't afford it and it's just going to stress you out and impact on the kids too. Don't go round trying to make things cheaper for yourself - stay at home and spend the money on stuff you need instead, or on cheap activities that don't involve boarding kennels and passports!

I don't think you need to go into detail of budgets etc, it's just overcomplicating things and makes for a load of hand-wringing.

OK the thought itself was kind but ultimately the reality of this holiday is going to stress you out, make you suffer and return home to a struggle to make after school purchases which can't be skimped on.

There is zero point in posters saying "start putting money away now" - you're clearly not in a position to do that or you wouldn't have to borrow 40quid when the freezer packs in...! There's no shame in that; it's tougher than ever to be a young family. But this "gift" is going to drive you into debt whatever you do, travel kettle and super noodles or no, and you could find yourself in deep doo-doo in September. Plus, what would your relative think of living off 15p noodles for the entire time away?! I can't imagine that's what they had in mind - especially given they've booked this bloody superfluous meal at a restaurant before you've even left the tarmac. Their expectations + your necessary constraints are just going to make for a massively unbalanced holiday headache!!

Tell them you're very touched but that going away right now would leave you in major financial difficulty. You don't need to justify yourself more than that. Do not let them guilt trip you - booking that type of holiday without consulting you was madness!!! They're clearly living in la la land where they've forgotten that the expenses of going away as a single person and those of going away as a FAMILY are nothing alike.

Good luck to ya. But if they offer to sub the whole thing so you don't need to spend a penny, just accept and make no noises about paying them back one day. Sounds like you deserve a break