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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my opinion should matter too (about DDs hair)

67 replies

ZoeRedbirdsLongLostSister · 27/07/2017 17:21

My DH thinks that we shouldn't cut DD1's hair. She is 4 and has long curly hair that gets incredibly matted because she doesn't like washing it or brushing it with tangle teaser. The only time she'll sit still is if DH does it but because he works long hours it's very rare.
Now that she'll be starting reception in September I think it should be cut to a more manageable length that way it doesn't take ages to do. I think her curls will look a lot better too cos before she had wonderful ringlets when it was shorter. I think cutting her hair so it's shoulder length would be best but DH hates the idea. He is adamant that her hair shouldn't be cut and should be just left to grow. I feel like my opinion means bugger all to him about this. I know if I try to talk to him again we'll have an argument which I'd like to avoid.
So I'm trying to work out what would be the best thing to do about DDs hair.
WWYD?

OP posts:
Ummmmgogo · 27/07/2017 17:24

I would let it grow. most reception girls are into long princessy hair. I would tell her to behave herself when I was combing it, and keep it plaited as much as possible to minimise tangles xx

ittooshallpass · 27/07/2017 17:25

What does DD want?

RubyGoat · 27/07/2017 17:27

If he wants it to be left to grow, how does he propose to deal with it as it gets longer, given that he's not around to do it? (FWIW, my DD's hair is long & curly, but it was my decision to let it grow & I am around to deal with it... it's mostly up in a french plait these days.) Has he ever unpicked a properly matted lock of hair (I have... it takes even longer than you'd think). It takes surprisingly littlw time for a small child to mat their hair, especially when jam/farmyard straw/playdough are involved. Trust me I speak from personal experience!

wheredoesallthetimego · 27/07/2017 17:28

If she has no opinion then whoever does the brushing gets to choose! I'm guessing that isn't DH.....

laurzj82 · 27/07/2017 17:29

Have you tried a Wet Brush? Much better than a tangle teazer imo

implantsandaDyson · 27/07/2017 17:29

Well I'd cut it, but all my daughters have short ear length fringed bobs until they ask to grow it - short hair is my default position Grin. If it's long, unruly, easily matted and your daughter doesn't like getting it brushed, the easiest style for the person doing her hair most days is important and dealing with nits will be difficult.

NotLachsAgainMother · 27/07/2017 17:29

How does SHE want it?

user1493413286 · 27/07/2017 17:29

What does your DD want? I would make an agreement with DD that she has to let you brush it etc or it needs to be cut. If she won't let you then DH needs to commit to doing it daily or accept that it needs to be cut. You might want to start putting it up etc when she starts school to help avoid headlice etc so if she's going to have it long she needs to let you do it.
My opinion tends to be that if I'm going to be the one battling with DD every day with her hair then I get to decide (along with DD) how her hair is.

RubyGoat · 27/07/2017 17:30

Oh and 4 years old is old enough to have an opinion on her own hair. If she wants it long, she's got to sit still for it brushing. My DD hates it washing (still a battle at 5) but will sit nicely for brushing if I put the TV & possibly threaten a haircut if she doesn't sit nicely!

CloserIAmToFine · 27/07/2017 17:31

I would let it grow. most reception girls are into long princessy hair. I would tell her to behave herself when I was combing it, and keep it plaited as much as possible to minimise tangles xx

That's it, just TELL her to behave. I'm sure OP never thought of that!!!

Hiphopopotamus · 27/07/2017 17:31

I'd say the person who's opinion really matters is your DD's. She's a person, not a doll. How does she want her hair?

FooFighter99 · 27/07/2017 17:31

I had about 6 inches cut off DD's hair as she was the same when it came to brushing the knots out - screaming, crying, tantrums - I must have threatened to shave her head 100 times!

DH also wanted to leave her hair to grow long, but she isn't fucking Rapunzel! and I didn't want her catching nits at school either! So I just took her to the hairdressers, who did a wonderful job. DH didn't bat an eyelid.

Get her hair cut and don't worry about DH, he isn't the one who has to deal with the matted mess day after day is he?

SnowBallsAreHere · 27/07/2017 17:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

trilbydoll · 27/07/2017 17:33

DD gets the choice, sit still and let me brush it and tie it up or it gets cut. It's currently short Grin she wants to grow it again which is fine but at the slightest hint of avoiding the hairbrush it will be chopped again.

Tilapia · 27/07/2017 17:34

Compromise on some mid length between your preference and his?

AllTheWittyNamesAreGone · 27/07/2017 17:35

Dirty matted hair isnt nice or princess like (like being a spoilt freeloader is something to aspire to anyway)

If she wont have it washed or bushed then id get it sniped to a managable length

VestalVirgin · 27/07/2017 17:36

If she has no opinion then whoever does the brushing gets to choose!

This.

And if she has an opinion and wants it long, then it is either sit still and behave while it is being brushed, or off with it.

Nanny0gg · 27/07/2017 17:36

Just wait till she gets nits...

Love51 · 27/07/2017 17:37

Has he said why he thinks her hair shouldn't be cut? Has he ever had long hair? If not he may not realise what a pita it is.
Me and dh both caught nits from his wee sibling and discovered then on holiday, early in our relationship. All that de nitting is a strong bonding experience, but possibly better for him to just take her on a bike ride or something instead.

hannah1992 · 27/07/2017 17:39

My dds 6 and has long hair. Her is straight but extremely thick and tangles up so easily. She likes it long like most of her friends have it though so day to day I plait it on a night whether we've washed it or not then take it out in morning brush it through then put it however she wants it. On the nights we wash it I just wash it then out conditioner in brush it wipe conditioners in then rinse brush it again and plait it. Hard work but she will soon be able to do it herself

AdalindSchade · 27/07/2017 17:39

He thinks you should keep letting it grow? Does he realise she's a person not a doll?

BackforGood · 27/07/2017 17:40

If she creates such a fuss about it being cared for, then she can't have it that long. Simples.

Needsomeflapjacks · 27/07/2017 17:41

Nit comb and long curly hair are not a good combo. . .
Will leave it with you. .

DramaInPyjamas · 27/07/2017 17:41

I was about to recommend The Wet Brush too like a precious poster, it has saved my sanity - and many hours over the years - in dealing with hair washing tangles and tears

All DDs friends at swimming marvel with jealousy over it

Original poster
ZoeRedbirdsLongLostSister · 27/07/2017 17:42

I think she does like her long hair but she hates having in her face. She'd probably like it shorter too. It's embarrassing that I didn't think to ask her first Blush
I do tell her to behave but she is very strong willed and I've learnt with how bad her tantrums can be to pick my battles.

OP posts: