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AIBU?

To think my opinion should matter too (about DDs hair)

67 replies

ZoeRedbirdsLongLostSister · 27/07/2017 17:21

My DH thinks that we shouldn't cut DD1's hair. She is 4 and has long curly hair that gets incredibly matted because she doesn't like washing it or brushing it with tangle teaser. The only time she'll sit still is if DH does it but because he works long hours it's very rare.
Now that she'll be starting reception in September I think it should be cut to a more manageable length that way it doesn't take ages to do. I think her curls will look a lot better too cos before she had wonderful ringlets when it was shorter. I think cutting her hair so it's shoulder length would be best but DH hates the idea. He is adamant that her hair shouldn't be cut and should be just left to grow. I feel like my opinion means bugger all to him about this. I know if I try to talk to him again we'll have an argument which I'd like to avoid.
So I'm trying to work out what would be the best thing to do about DDs hair.
WWYD?

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ReanimatedSGB · 27/07/2017 17:42

Definitely the casting vote goes to DD.
I have similar issues with my DS and sometimes have to threaten him with a haircut if he won't put up with brushing/washing.

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DramaInPyjamas · 27/07/2017 17:42

*previous Grin

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Whatsername17 · 27/07/2017 17:43

I'd cut it. Also, buy a tangle spray to help you get the brush through. You have to tie it back for school anyway.

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InvisableLobstee · 27/07/2017 17:47

My dd had long curly hair that I struggled with for years. It did get matted up a few times too. I had to cut the worst dreadlocks out! It was very difficult and I do think your Dh is being unreasonable since he is not around to help.

However we have found a better way to deal with it is to use a lot of moisturizing leave in conditioner and gently tease it apart with your fingers rather than brushing. Then put it up during the day, ideally into plaits but a pony tail or bunches will work. At night again tease out very gently with the moisture cream and then put into a pineapple ponytail on top of her head. This really helps with the matting. Another thing is to get a smooth satin pillow for her bed as that also helps stop the hair matting or going frizzy. We only wash once a week with a mild shampoo and then plenty of conditioner then comb through while conditioner is still in using a wide tooth comb. Wrap it up in an old smooth cotton TShirt to dry, don't scrub with a towel. If you use the hair dryer use a diffuser. Again all helps prevent frizziness and knots.

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misshelena · 27/07/2017 17:47

Obviously YOU decide because you are the one routinely taking care of DD's hair. Obviously.

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Glumglowworm · 27/07/2017 17:49

Agree that DD should get to decide but with the condition that if she wants it long she has to behave for washing, brushing and the inevitable nit combing. If she won't behave then she has to have it cut not as a punishment but to make both of your lives easier since she can't cope with what's required to keep it long.

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Witsender · 27/07/2017 17:49

We kept my daughter's hair short at the same age because she never sat still long enough to have it brushed. Now she is nearly 7 she can kind of take responsibility for it so has chicen to grow it.

yanbu op

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youarenotkiddingme · 27/07/2017 17:53

I'd ask her. If she says long then draw up a reward chart. Sticker for everyday she sits nicely whilst you do it. 3 stickers is a new hair bobble or something which you increase as the carrot has worked!
But 3 days in a week of no reward and it's off to the hairdressers!

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Upyourdaisy · 27/07/2017 17:55

As pp's have said, what would your dd be happy with? Dd2 who's 5 has extremely curly hair and whether short or long it's still a nightmare to brush, I went with MN advice and have stopped brushing it apart from with my fingers after its washed and conditioned loads. It really helps to define the curls and there's no fighting (and losing!) with all the knots.

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Bumbumtaloo · 27/07/2017 17:57

Dd1 has a chin length graduated bob, she's 7 and decided when she first went to pre-school that she didn't like it being tied up every day and decided to have the chop. She has very thick hair (like dh)

Dd2 is 5 and has her hair halfway down her back it's very fine and gets tangled (like me) she has gone through stages of not wanting it washed and/or brushed. She was told the same as dd1, didn't work she just refused to have it cut! the end I actually showed her pictures of matted hair and touch wood she's been okay since. We always use a child's shampoo with conditioner and give it a good brush whilst wet and it's put into a minimum of one plaite. We then use her 'hairspray' detangling spray to brush it.

Nearly all of the girls at our dd's school have long hair, dd1 loves being different.

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TicketyBoo83 · 27/07/2017 18:00

Get it cut to avoid nits!

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ginsparkles · 27/07/2017 18:01

Ask her, it's her hair. My daughter has long hair, if she gets upset about it being brushed we talk again about does she want it to be long because long hair needs to be brushed and will often get tangled. She understands and still wants it long, so she will sit and let me do her hair.

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stitchglitched · 27/07/2017 18:02

OP have you tried leaving conditioner in? I do that with little DD who has very curly hair and is uncooperative with brushing. Makes it so much easier! (Use silicone free stuff). And definitely cut it shorter if your DD agrees, you are the one dealing with it day in day out so you get final say IMO.

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ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 27/07/2017 18:03

When is your husband ever going to allow dd to have her hair cut then? It's all very well saying "let it grow" but long hair looks pretty awful (imo) if never trimmed.

He's being contolling. Pps are right. you should be having a conversation and coming to some sort of compromise, particularly as you are the one who has to do 90% of the hair washing, brushing etc. You need to be considering what is best for your dd. She obviously hates having her hair untangled and doesn't like it in her face.

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cardibach · 27/07/2017 18:03

DD has long curly hair. She's 21 now, but the way we used to manage it (and she still does, really) is

  • only brush when wet
  • after it's dry/you've finished doing plait it (I used to do something like cornrows, back in the day when you didn't get told off for cultural appropriation. They were ace for stopping nits) or put it in a bun
  • leave it like that until it's washed again.
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cardibach · 27/07/2017 18:04

Oh yes, and fairly regular trims to keep the ends in good condition.

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Floggingmolly · 27/07/2017 18:07

You know she'll probably have to wear it tied back in reception? Obviously not all schools are the same, but a lot of them insist that anything below shoulder length is worn in a plait or ponytail.

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Jaxhog · 27/07/2017 18:08

Agree that DD should get to decide but with the condition that if she wants it long she has to behave for washing, brushing and the inevitable nit combing. If she won't behave then she has to have it cut not as a punishment but to make both of your lives easier since she can't cope with what's required to keep it long.

I agree too. Give your DD the choice. She's old enough to understand and will probably appreciate your confidence in her decision. (if not now, later)

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ElspethFlashman · 27/07/2017 18:09

Shitloads of J&J leave in conditioner in the green spray. You don't even have to spritz it if she won't tolerate it, just pour a bit into your palm and whack it on whilst she's watching TV.

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Amee1992x · 27/07/2017 18:12

My son has jaw length hair, because he asked to have long hair. He's 5. The deal was if he grows his hair he looks after it and wears it up to school if not it'll get cut. I'd pretty much do the same with a daughter.

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angieloumc · 27/07/2017 18:14

My daughter has thick wavy hair and I've always had problems getting through it even with a tangle teezer. She's 12 now and I use Sweethearts Detangler, you can buy it online, it's amazing and doesn't leave hair greasy. I keep hoping DD will want her hair cut but no, it's still long.

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ZoeRedbirdsLongLostSister · 27/07/2017 18:24

Thanks for all the great advice re caring for curly hair we have used leave in conditioner it does work wonders. I must buy more. I haven't heard of the wet brush I will google it.
She likes having it in plaits. I'm just not very good at them. I must practice more. Lol.

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ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 27/07/2017 18:38

I don't think the decision should be left entirely up to your dd. Confused A lot of 4 year olds might like hair down to their knees, rainbow coloured with diamonds in it but they don't understand the practicalities.

I think it's sensible to have it trimmed to make life easier for everyone, especially as she's about to start school. There's not an awful lot of time in the morning for faffing.
And as someone pointed out, getting a nit comb through very long, thick tangled hair is the stuff of nightmares.

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KimmySchmidt1 · 27/07/2017 18:46

she can have it long when she sits to have it brushed.

he can choose a lady's hairstyle when he (a) becomes a hairdresser or (b) works fewer hours and does the hair brushing daily.

I would literally laugh my head off if my husband told him what to do with our daughter's hair.

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TeenAndTween · 27/07/2017 18:52

Either keep it long enough to put into plaits or a pony tail, or more short. There is an inbetween length that is a real pain!

Agree that if your DD wants it cut then it gets cut, if she wants it longer then she has to have it brushed and washed without fussing.

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