My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

To think my opinion should matter too (about DDs hair)

67 replies

ZoeRedbirdsLongLostSister · 27/07/2017 17:21

My DH thinks that we shouldn't cut DD1's hair. She is 4 and has long curly hair that gets incredibly matted because she doesn't like washing it or brushing it with tangle teaser. The only time she'll sit still is if DH does it but because he works long hours it's very rare.
Now that she'll be starting reception in September I think it should be cut to a more manageable length that way it doesn't take ages to do. I think her curls will look a lot better too cos before she had wonderful ringlets when it was shorter. I think cutting her hair so it's shoulder length would be best but DH hates the idea. He is adamant that her hair shouldn't be cut and should be just left to grow. I feel like my opinion means bugger all to him about this. I know if I try to talk to him again we'll have an argument which I'd like to avoid.
So I'm trying to work out what would be the best thing to do about DDs hair.
WWYD?

OP posts:
Report
CatsCantFlyFast · 27/07/2017 18:54

If it stays long then yy to a wet brush. Miles better than any other brush we have

Report
Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 27/07/2017 19:01

Nits. Imagine clearing a long thick head of hair with a nitty-gritty regularly. And you can't get it cut by a hairdresser until it's clear. Shorter hair doesn't stop you catching them but it's much easier to deal with.

Report
Mari50 · 27/07/2017 19:08

I kept my DD(8)'s hair short when she was little but at 4 she expressed a desire to grow it long and that's how it's been since (although she has said she wants a Katy perry crop recently. I'm not going along with that because her hair is the same as mine and it won't work.)

Report
PourquoiPas · 27/07/2017 19:09

Firstly, have you tried the no poo method? DD has beautiful long ringlets which I wash only with conditioner (and use the wet brush as others have already recommended) but when she went to stay with DH's Parents they of course completely ignored my suggestions of how to look after her hair and shampooed it thoroughly every night with no conditioner because obviously I was trying to trick them somehow into using conditioner because I am an evil genius with shares in conditioner companies. She came back with hideous matted staticky fluff. It took a week of intensive conditioner to get the shiny ringlets back.

Re the length of the hair, I would ask her what she wants, and if she wants it long as well as Dh then give them a fortnight where she gets a sticker for having her hair done every morning and night. If she doesn't do it, then get it cut shorter. If she does, just take her for a trim.

Report
steff13 · 27/07/2017 19:13

You'll probably have fewer problems with it, regardless of length, if you follow the curly girl method: //www.naturallycurly.com

I think whoever does the lion's share of the care of her hair (ha!) should get to choose, along with her input of course. If she doesn't want it cut, though, I would make it clear she needs to let you care for it or it gets cut.

Report
MeanAger · 27/07/2017 19:16

Join the curly girls group on FB. It is an amazing resource for looking after curly hair. Even if you cut it short This group will be helpful.

Report
Upyourdaisy · 27/07/2017 19:21

If her hair is really curly, following the curly girl method like steff13 really works. As for nits, don't worry about it, it's not inevitable, believe it or not I have 3 primary aged children who are 8 7 & 5 who have never had nits while they've been at school.

Report
00100001 · 27/07/2017 19:27

See, as the primary detangler and wrangler. I would give DD an open ended choice. Because knowing
Y luck shed bloody insist onngrowing it even longer. So I'd be casually mentioning to DD that shorter hair is better for so any reasons Then ask her about a week later what she wanted. But ask her something like, Do you think it should just touch your shoulders, or not even reach them?
So she will basically have shorter hair, and she gets too choose how long.


I wouldd essentially disregard DH as he wouldn't have to deal with it if it is long. Plus it can always grow back.





Has she ever had it cut?

Report
Rache11 · 27/07/2017 19:38

Has he said why he thinks her hair shouldn't be cut?

I think we can assume he wants his dd to conform to preset standards of beauty as set by MAN

I find it so creepy when dads are obsessive about their dd's long hair Hmm

Report
Upyourdaisy · 27/07/2017 19:52

Rache11 why assume that though?
'creepy' and 'obsessive' don't jump to my mind

Report
Mummyoflittledragon · 27/07/2017 20:00

I use moisturising shampoos and conditioner such as miracle moist on dds hair. Wash, condition and then use around 8 squirts of the miracle moist 3 oils serum. It works very well on her thick, curly hair. I find it much better than leave in conditioner and use it on my hair, which is much finer and wavy with the odd curl. She did go through a stage of battling against washing so I ended up only washing it weekly. So for much of the week it was difficult to get a brush all the way through and found it best to brush the conditioner through whilst in the shower. From when she was about 7.5 we've been washing her hair every other day and has been a lot easier. She has had it a various lengths from a bob to all the way down her back. Tbh I think having a happy child is a lot more important than having a perfectly turned out one and as others have pointed out, your dd with have her hair tied back if it stays long.

Report
lelapaletute · 27/07/2017 20:02

Cracking up at the idea of my DP even noticing what was done with DD's hair, never mind having strong opinions on the subject!

Report
LotisBlue · 27/07/2017 20:13

We let dd decide, and she currently has a bob. I cheated slightly by showing her a picture of a cute little girl with a bob and asking if she wanted her hair cut like that. I prefer short hair for practical reasons but wouldn't force her to have it cut.

Report
71HourAchmed · 27/07/2017 20:25

Google the curly girl method.

I have curly hair and haven't brushed it in years. I finger comb if I need to when it's wet ( after sticking some leave in conditioner in) and very occasionally will comb it (wide tooth comb), and it's not matted or tangled at all.

If you do brush curly hair, you separate out all the curls and it's more likely to get really tangled and frizzy to boot.

Report
Fluffyears · 27/07/2017 20:45

At night tie it in a plait for bed so in the morning you won't have matted bits. I had hair I could sit on all through school (never got nits). I always had a plait at night and the brush through in the morning was much easier.

Report
CorbynsBumFlannel · 27/07/2017 20:53

Give your dd the choice. Keep it long and co-operate with brushing etc or have it shorter.
Your dh sounds weirdly over invested in your dd's hair length if you can't even speak to him about it without fearing an argument.

Report
MissWilmottsGhost · 27/07/2017 21:03

I have always let DD decide since she has been old enough to say what she wants. She says she wants long hair.

Fine, I say. But it must be washed, dried, brushed without complaint, and tied up for nursery/school without complaint. Any whinging and silliness and it gets cut off.

It got cut off in a bob when she was about 2.5 after tantrums about the hair drier in the middle of winter. Now it is long again but she is happy to look after it properly now, although she sometimes comes home from school with it loose and I have warned her that if she gets the nits it will have to get cut off again.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.