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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

that this ISN'T pushing in?

119 replies

FlowerSour · 27/07/2017 00:28

So I went to a local café today with a friend (in Tesco after an hour long shop for some time to myself ) and I only wanted one single bloody coffee. And that's important to note for the next bit of the story.

Anyway, this café has a long serving hatch and you push your tray down from right to left. It goes cakes, hot food, drinks.

I only wanted the bloody coffee. No cake or hot food. And it's just me and two old ladies in the queue, who- for about five minutes- have been standing next to the hot meals bit umming and ahhing over the hot meals. As they hadn't even chosen yet, I sidled past them, got my coffee AND paid for it before they'd even chosen their hot food.

See poorly executed diagram below.

TILL --DRINKS-- HOT FOOD---- CAKES
x ME (after moving) X OLD LADIES X MY OLD POSITION

After I'd done this and paid, one of the old ladies decided to visit my table and announce in a hoity toity voice, "We had manners back when I was your age! How dare you push in front of us!"

She then swore at me, by this point other people are staring, then went back to her friend and continued to glare at me for the rest of my coffee.

Now, who in this situation is unreasonable?

I genuinely don't think I was. They were not queuing to pay... they hadn't even chosen.

So was I being unreasonable for sidling round them to get to the till when they had no intention of paying at that moment in time and were a good five metres away from the till?

Surely I was not expected to wait behind them whilst they spent another five minutes deciding what to have?

And yes, this is a trivial AIBU. I am aware and apologise in advance.

OP posts:

Rhubarbtart9 · 27/07/2017 07:53

I've seen this sort of queue in Tescos before. When the cafe is quiet it's not one que but two seperate queues really as it would be pointless to wait in the food queue for no food. The two queues only becomes one queue when busier

Rhubarbtart9 · 27/07/2017 07:55

When running as two seperate queues, often the staff serving drinks/till shout for people only waiting for drinks to skip the first queue

TheHiphopopotamus · 27/07/2017 07:56

I don't think YABU but our ASDA cafe won't let us do this as I tried once when someone was dithering over what breakfast they wanted.

Unless you work there that is. Then it doesn't matter and you can push on all you want.

Rhubarbtart9 · 27/07/2017 07:57

I hope you gave them a huge smile and the finger

Miserylovescompany2 · 27/07/2017 07:58

Maybe she left her so-called-manners back in "the" day? Or maybe they just apply to others?

coddiwomple · 27/07/2017 08:18

The old woman was rude, she obviously felt you offended her ancestors and made her feel inferior

Some old people are unbelievably rude! I have been pushed - litterally shoved out of the way - when looking at birthday cards or magasine, where they just then blocked everyone and browse leisurely.
I have been tutted at because I waited at the end of the queue leaving space behind the person in front and refused to go to breath down their neck.
Unless I am commuting, I don't really get physically pushed away by younger folks!

KERALA1 of course the other woman was rude too!
Some shoppers are just cheeky, one woman asked to go first because she only had 1 item the other day. She did, but to be fair, I only had 3 myself

AwaywiththePixies27 · 27/07/2017 08:29

Some old people are unbelievably rude! I have been pushed - litterally shoved out of the way - when looking at birthday cards or magasine, where they just then blocked everyone and browse leisurely.

and both my children have been literally shoved out the ways (my lad whilst waiting in the queue for the loo) and had their foot rammed over them by a pram by an impatient bitch who couldn't wait ten seconds.

I don't tar most women between the age of 20-30 with the same brush because of the two despicable examples

x2boys · 27/07/2017 08:32

Why do you think she could have had Dementia Msrgaret ?I worked in Dementia care for many years some people with Dementia were rude you would often find they had always been rude....

KERALA1 · 27/07/2017 08:33

Ha yes sadly rude twattery is not confined to one age group and demographic .

Most people are nice though.

Also enjoy posters chipping in with made up reasons for the strangers bad behaviour (dementia etc). No one is allowed to be a rude git these days there must be a reason and we must remain at all times however badly treated ourselves, utterly saintly and sympathetic to these imaginary ailments.

BlueIsYou · 27/07/2017 08:34

I got quite literally screamed at by someone in Burger King yesterday, for dairy to come to the front of the line and ask for salt for my chips

Migraleve · 27/07/2017 08:39

Wow if I saw a temporarily abandoned trolley in a queue I couldn't imagine having the balls to shove mine in front of it - very rude.

But how would anyone know it had been temporarily abandoned? What a ridiculous thing to say. I have worked in retail and you would be surprised how many full trolley loads actually do just get abandoned.

What I would not do would be to queue behind a trolley that was sat on its own. If you forget something you just go back, with your trolley, or is your life so busy that having someone pay for their shopping before you affects it badly?

Some sense of entitlement there I'm afraid. If you don't want to queue do online shopping, or scan as you shop. But don't expect anyone going about their day to stand behind a trolley and wait while you 'grab' something.

coddiwomple · 27/07/2017 08:39

I don't tar most women between the age of 20-30 with the same brush because of the two despicable examples

which is why I said "SOME" and explained that I have never been shoved out of the way by any young person. My grand-parents are extremely old fashion and have old fashion manners, they would be the last person to do anything vile, no one is painting all elderly people under the same brush.

coddiwomple · 27/07/2017 08:41

KERALA1 next time, just put your items on the belt first, so the few rude ones won't be able to push past...

AwaywiththePixies27 · 27/07/2017 08:41

Ha yes sadly rude twattery is not confined to one age group and demographic grin.

Indeed.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 27/07/2017 08:44

I got quite literally screamed at by someone in Burger King yesterday, for dairy to come to the front of the line and ask for salt for my chips blush

People are weird aren't they? Did it also preclude "Don't you know who I AM?!".

bigmouthstrikesagain · 27/07/2017 08:51

In the cafe the women were very rude, but in your position I would have said to someone ordering food that I was just getting a drink "do you mind?" to avoid potential affront. So yanbu but could have said something and possibly avoided the ' scene' but it is impossible to say for sure because she sounds batshit from your account.

Kerala, I had a similar situation from the other POV, trolley blocking a checkout me with a trolley. No shopping on the conveyor belt, I looked at the checkout woman and she shrugged so I unloaded my basket of shopping and started my tranasction. The owners of the trolley, a couple and a teenage dd came back at intervals, unloading and running off for more shopping as they went. I did not feel in the least rude they added 5 or 6 items to their shopping, they had not finished! If you are on your own and have forgotten one item and you speak to the person at the till that is one thing but to try and secure a till then wander off to do your shopping is not on.

bigmouthstrikesagain · 27/07/2017 08:52

"Me with a basket" it should read not trolley sorry

HughGrantsHair · 27/07/2017 09:00

Kerala - if you hadn't even started unloading your trolley and forgot something, you should have taken your trolley with you to get what you needed. You can't mark your place in the queue with a full but abandoned trolley.

YWBU. Not the other person.

morningconstitutional2017 · 27/07/2017 09:00

I think it depends on the 'form' of the establishment. It's often the done thing to sidle past anyone who's choosing a meal if you're only after a drink.

However, when I was a very young and timid student I did this in the canteen (as it was the accepted practice) and got told off very sharply by a 'visitor' - so I hung back feeling very shame-faced. After a 'log-jam' of students built up behind me the cook shouted out "Move along, move just for drinks" very very loudly so it shortened the queue - but I'd got shouted at twice. With age and experience I've become braver.

FlowerFairyLights · 27/07/2017 09:03

Yep agree with above that Kerala was rude to leave a trolley in the queue! Just take it with you.

I wouldn't queue behind an unattached trolley either.

GavelRavel · 27/07/2017 09:04

I think want you did was perfectly normal and fine. I often go to a very busy M&S cafe at lunchtime and literally everyone does this. I'm talking 100s of people. i.e go straight to drinks of people are still choosing at food.

yumyumpoppycat · 27/07/2017 09:16

I don't think you wbu OP.

Trolley rule at checkout for me is that if someone else is being served it's acceptable to stand behind abandoned trolley and wait. If they don't arrive back before the transactions ahead of them finish though that is different and then the actual waiting person can proceed to unload their shopping. Why should they and the cashier sit/stand doing nothing, especially if the trolley abandoner hasn't explained what they are doing.

Wdigin2this · 27/07/2017 09:19

Of course you can go to the front if you're only having a coffee, and if this person had such good manners, why did she swear at you!

MrTrebus · 27/07/2017 09:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

birdsdestiny · 27/07/2017 09:22

Tesco cafes are horrible now. What have they done to them.

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