Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Who is right - the generation gap

110 replies

TwoGhostsGoToWar · 26/07/2017 20:57

A teenage girl lives with her grandmother (through choice) and sits on the floor in front of a full length mirror to do her make up. The mirror is at the top of the second set of stairs outside her loft conversion bedroom. She uses this mirror as it has natural light from behind. The grandmother moaned about makeup laying around. The teenagers mother suggests an old towel is put in front of the mirror so loose powder doesn't touch the carpet and to prevent makeup stains if make up leaks and so no blusher, mascara or lipstain containers tough the carpet. The mother gets and old towel and places it down where needed. The grandmother says 'I don't live like that' and removes the towel and gives the teenagers a small wicker basket to put her makeup in. Months later a brush is dropped by accident and a make up stain appears. The furious grandmother cleans the very small mark on the carpet and berates the teenager. She rings the girls mother and wants the teenager to move out. The teenager wants to put a towel down to stop further accidents the grandmother point blank refuses. To add to this the grandmother regularly visits the girls room and tidies it up, throws items out belonging the girl and complains it is messy. She says the teenager has no entitlement to privacy because she is living in HER house. The teenager tries to explain that her room is her personal space. The grandmother refuses to accept this. Who is right?

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 30/07/2017 10:04

I suspect OP is either the mother or the teen and won't be returning to this thread!

Magratmakethetea · 30/07/2017 12:10

The teen is not paying rent, nor has she entered into a legally binding contract, so the two situations are completely different.
How? It was a verbal contract from what is posted, free living for assisstance in living. Otherwise known as payment in kind.
As for this astonishment of personal space for children and young people, wtf? Is everyone seriously admitting that no one under the age of 18 is entitled to any personal space?

I feel sorry for kids today as I went through this, I had my favourite clothes thrown away without being asked, possessions thrown away and people walking in and out of my bedroom at any point they wanted, yet I was chastised for not being fully dressed when they walked in....
But as you all say when did young people start thinking they were entitled to personal space?

Teen girl would be miles better off away from grandmother, probably why she lives alone in the first place.

FrancisCrawford · 30/07/2017 12:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

InfiniteSheldon · 30/07/2017 12:30

I suspect Magrat is the OP

mokaerisifhija · 30/07/2017 12:36

As pp have said, taking account of the needs of house-sharers is part of what this year of semi-independence is about. Teen should move the towel every day and not leave her stuff about the place.

brasty · 30/07/2017 13:03

If the teen can not be expected to pick up a towel everyday, I wonder in reality how much help she actually is to her gran?Is she doing housework, cooking, or is her gran actually doing more work because the teen is living there?

Magratmakethetea · 30/07/2017 13:05

Op did say in another post that teen was living there after the grandmother had had a knee op and was having funny turns and falls. Why teen was there.
Hence the payment in kind.
InfiniteSheldon there is no chance of me being the OP as I wouldn't have posted an AIBU, I would've just packed teen up and moved her by now and told grandmother to get a carer in.
As said before been through the no privacy thing myself, and it was horrendous. That's why I'm trying to see both sides here but grandmother just strikes me as my way or no way type of person.

brasty · 30/07/2017 13:09

Except we don't actually know if the teen is being any help at all.
I agree about privacy, but again we don't know if the teen is simply being untidy, or is leaving dirty dishes and rotten food in her room. If the latter I understand why the gran goes into the room to tidy up.

brasty · 30/07/2017 13:13

Also if gran is managing to climb so many stairs, it does not sound like she needs a carer. It sounds more like she needs someone to give occasional help e.g. getting things from high cupboards or the loft. And someone to respond to a phone call if she is ill at night. This is the kind of thing I do for my parents. It is very occasional help and does not need a carer.

FrancisCrawford · 30/07/2017 13:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Magratmakethetea · 30/07/2017 13:19

Brasty i agree with you, and if it is about dirty plates etc then it is not really acceptable. But going by OP's posts teen was there as live-in help. Until OP comes back and tells us more we've only got half a story.

Thornyprick · 30/07/2017 13:20

Can't you buy her a little dressing table?

brasty · 30/07/2017 13:23

Magrat I agree we do not have the information. But I rather suspect that a teenager who can not be expected to pick up and fold away a towel every day, will be of no use to her gran and probably created extra work.

FrancisCrawford · 30/07/2017 13:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bananafanana1 · 30/07/2017 13:55

It's not about the make up or the towel.

Grandmother clearly doesn't want the teen there. Time to move out before any further damage is done.

rollonthesummer · 30/07/2017 17:38

I think the teen needs to go back home.

SpartacusSaiman · 30/07/2017 18:04

Ah yes a teen that cant be arsed to pick up a towel. Great help for gran Hmm

TartanDMs · 30/07/2017 18:10

Having lived with my grandmother as a teen through choice, I would never have disrespected her. I was far more tidy and careful than I ever was at my parents' house, and she didn't even have to nag me to clean my room. I used to sit on the stairs to do my hair and make up because it was the only full length mirror in the house, and was so careful about not dropping anything or getting powder everywhere. Putting the towel down as and when the girl does her make up seems to me to be a great solution; if she can't be bothered to do that I'm not surprised her gran is unhappy.

DioneTheDiabolist · 30/07/2017 18:18

Leaving stuff lying around on a landing is a hazard and indicative of inadequate care. As is causing the grandmother so much stress that she phoned and asked the parents to take their DD home.

It is clear that granny doesn't want to be "cared" for in this way.

Notreallyarsed · 30/07/2017 18:23

Granny has asked for the teen to move out. The rest of this ridiculously petty post doesn't matter, she wants her home back, your DD needs to leave.

easterholidays · 30/07/2017 18:32

Time to move out before any further damage is done.

I think that's the nub of it. I'm sure the experiment was well-meaning but it hasn't worked, and you need to get your DD back home before their relationship suffers any more as a result. It doesn't matter who IBU - the setup is not helpful to either party and needs to come to an end.

CalamineLotion · 31/07/2017 22:43

I know the teen, she pays rent each week, takes all her washing home to her Mum except bedding and only eats breakfast at the house. Teen never asks Granny for a lift anywhere and always tells her what time she will be in, the odd time she goes out. She is around so Granny isn't alone in the house at night, teen happens too hold first aid cert and is sensible. She doesn't leave plates or cups in her room but it is messy with a slight floordrobe, Granny does no cooking for her. When teen spoke to Granny she completely changes her tune and wants her to be there. Whole thing becoming unhealthy, I think the teen is torn between helping granny or going home.

SonicBoomBoom · 31/07/2017 23:12

Weird.

StarHeartDiamond · 31/07/2017 23:12

Calamine - do you know only the teens version or both granny and the teens? Are you close to the teen or the granny or both?

Mumof56 · 31/07/2017 23:43

Why was it granny that was left to clean the make up stain?

Why can the d not use the washing machine herself and all washing goes home to mammy.

Granny knee op doesn't affect her ability to climb sfairs or drive? Hmm

Swipe left for the next trending thread