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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Who is right - the generation gap

110 replies

TwoGhostsGoToWar · 26/07/2017 20:57

A teenage girl lives with her grandmother (through choice) and sits on the floor in front of a full length mirror to do her make up. The mirror is at the top of the second set of stairs outside her loft conversion bedroom. She uses this mirror as it has natural light from behind. The grandmother moaned about makeup laying around. The teenagers mother suggests an old towel is put in front of the mirror so loose powder doesn't touch the carpet and to prevent makeup stains if make up leaks and so no blusher, mascara or lipstain containers tough the carpet. The mother gets and old towel and places it down where needed. The grandmother says 'I don't live like that' and removes the towel and gives the teenagers a small wicker basket to put her makeup in. Months later a brush is dropped by accident and a make up stain appears. The furious grandmother cleans the very small mark on the carpet and berates the teenager. She rings the girls mother and wants the teenager to move out. The teenager wants to put a towel down to stop further accidents the grandmother point blank refuses. To add to this the grandmother regularly visits the girls room and tidies it up, throws items out belonging the girl and complains it is messy. She says the teenager has no entitlement to privacy because she is living in HER house. The teenager tries to explain that her room is her personal space. The grandmother refuses to accept this. Who is right?

OP posts:
millsbynight · 26/07/2017 22:22

The grandmother sounds suffocating!

AnneGrommit · 26/07/2017 22:28

Do make up in the bathroom with a ten quid shelf put under the mirror there for the make up to live on. I don't understand what independence the teenager is experiencing by living in a house where someone messes with her stuff though. Confused

FrancisCrawford · 26/07/2017 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HeddaGarbled · 26/07/2017 22:41

If the teenager was living with her parents, I would agree that her bedroom is her personal space, though if it was a health hazard, she should expect some intervention from her parents.

But she isn't living with her parents. She has chosen to live with her grandmother, not because she doesn't have a perfectly reasonable home with them, but for reasons I don't really understand but I suspect was to do with hoping to get away with more than she did at home. Well, that hasn't worked out quite how she hoped. The grandmother is right in that the teenager is a guest in her home and the grandmother has the right to set the rules in her own house, old-fashioned and pernickety as those rules are.

The teenager needs to suck it up or move back home.

milliemolliemou · 26/07/2017 22:41

Oh dear. My cousin's son moved in to his grandpa's house to have a bit more space and help grandpa out if he needed it.

He never really helped the grandpa and took advantage being a teenager and abused the grandpa's rules (no food/drink in the bedroom etc). He also snuck girls in.

Their relationship suffered and neither benefitted.

If this girl is neither helping her GM and not abiding by her (possibly difficult) rules then she should just move back home. Neither of them are enjoying or benefitting from it.

ThinkOfTheHorses · 26/07/2017 22:45

The grandmother is being insane

Glumglowworm · 26/07/2017 23:19

Girl is BU to not put the towel away when not in use.

Part of living independently is learning to consider other people and not to be selfish.

Pallisers · 26/07/2017 23:21

It's obvious the grandmother is not mentally equipped to have a teenager living with her. She clearly doesn't have the patience, and with the teenager having a good relationship with her parents, it's ridiculous that she's living with her grandmother.

This exactly. Clearly the grandmother doesn't want to have to deal with any of this. Have her move home with no hard feelings.

Pallisers · 26/07/2017 23:22

The grandmother is being insane

Seriously? It is insane to want things done in a particular way in your own house that you have most likely lived in on your own for many years?

itstoolateforthisbollox · 26/07/2017 23:26

I think Granny is making it quite clear that she does not want the teen living in her house. Did anyone actually ask her? You mention the teens choice more than once, but not Granny's.

Zoflorabore · 26/07/2017 23:28

I am assuming that you are both the girls mother and the woman's daughter?

I think the reasons for her living there in the first place are a bit odd? Independence for uni? How does everyone else cope?

This issue is proving that the girl needs to adjust better to living with other people if the make up issue is causing such problems.

Sounds like both sides are trying to compromise and the grandmother is likely
to be used to having things done her way.

What is the plan going forward? Has anyone mentioned the girl leaving?

firawla · 26/07/2017 23:29

I would side with the granny on this really and I'm 30 so not purely an older generation thing. Who on earth thinks it's reasonable to leave an old towel on the floor at all times?! Granny has a right to be house proud and say no, that sounds awful. Why can't the girl just use it then put it away after? Saying she can't as she's a teen is pathetic. She's late teen if off to uni soon, so grow up and have a bit of respect. Granny throwing her stuff and ruffling through her room is more if a grey area. Yes to privacy but im wondering if she's leaving it quite dirty? (Based on attitude re towel) so maybe granny is worried about just leaving it to fester?

Flatpackback · 26/07/2017 23:33

If teen has moved out to sample independence she's getting a taste of what it's like living with other people. It's hard work and you have to learn to compromise. She will have far worse to come with future house mates so had better realise soon that messy habits and general laziness about clearing up wind people up very quickly. Granny's house, granny's rules, teen is not queen bee in her house.

BackforGood · 26/07/2017 23:45

What sonic says in both posts.

chocatoo · 26/07/2017 23:55

Granny's house, granny's rules...

ZenNudist · 27/07/2017 00:02

Im with granny. Girl needs to go back to her parents house. Even then youd be reasonable not to treat a corner of a landing like a make up station.

BlessYourCottonSocks · 27/07/2017 18:37

Ooh! Just noticed a minor detail that none of us have picked up on...
she rings the girls mother and wants the girl to move out

End of story. Granny has outright said she does not want the girl living in her home any longer. So the girl needs to pack up her make up and go home. You can argue who is right and who is wrong - but actually the teen has been such a pain to the person whose house she is living in that they have evicted her. Some growing up to do before university.

rollonthesummer · 27/07/2017 22:17

The teenager shouldn't be in the house now if the grandma wants her to move out! It's not the teen's choice where she gets to live, she's not a princess.

Lifeofpies · 27/07/2017 22:26

No point debating towel/no towel - the whole set up clearly isnt working, is it. I think the grandmother should have her house back to herself.

RebornSlippy · 27/07/2017 22:33

If 'Teen' cannot be expected to lift a towel, 'Teen' has a long way to go before reaching independence. 'Teen' needs to grow up.

Granny's house, so not much can be done about Granny's rules apart from following them. Sounds like she's on the pigs back with this arrangement so it would be wise for her mother (you?) to step in and tell her in no uncertain terms. 'Lift the fecking towel and makeup and place back in bedroom after every use or you're coming back home with me (a half a mile down the road) until you mature a bit.'

I would also expect her mother to insist she tidies up at home too if she does move back in.

rollonthesummer · 28/07/2017 09:47

Is the OP gong to explain who these people are to her-I suspect more detail is needed.

Schroedingerscatagain · 28/07/2017 10:50

A towel left on the foot in an older persons home is a trip and fall risk!

Very entitled behaviour by the teen which seems to be being enabled by her mum!

This young lady has a lot of growing up to do before university and seems to be being a special snowflake

Show grandma some respect and tidy up

BasedOnTrueEvents · 28/07/2017 10:55

I wouldn't want a stained towel permanently on my landing either TBH. Not only does it look unsightly but I'd be worried about tripping over it. I'm in my 30s so hardly a 'generation gap' thing.

Honestly, it's such a non issue. Teenager should do her makeup with a towel by the mirror to prevent spills and then roll it up and put it away until next time it's needed. Least she can do seeing as grandma is providing her with space and facilities she wouldn't get in the family home. Teenager sounds like an entitled PITA.

TwoGhostsGoToWar · 29/07/2017 00:33

The towel is one of two new ones from Tesco so only metaphorically an old towel they are rotated weekly The landing is on a separate floor to Grandmother who only goes up there to 'check DDs room'. Grandmother wanted help after a knee replacement and someone around at night after having 'funny turns'. DD abides by house rules but this towel is becoming a real battlefield. Grandmother will not allow a mirror to be added or moved as she doesn't want nails banged into her walls. Petty Grandmother and obstinate teen. I guess DD will have to pick up the towel daily and get used to communal living or it is time to move home

OP posts:
HipsterHunter · 29/07/2017 00:47

a towel on the landing at the top of stairs sounds like a trip hazard.

Teen should put a towel down each time. She can keep it folded on top of her wicker basket.