Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU over this puppy situation?

75 replies

UnVinoGrandePorFavor · 26/07/2017 19:35

Will try and keep this as succinct as possible. N.B. Same-sex relationship (to avoid any confusion with pronoun use etc).

Me and DP have been together for 4 and a half years and living together for 7 months. DP grew up with dogs, really wants us to get a dog ASAP and is happy to let me choose the breed/sex/name. I've never had a pet and am not too keen on getting a dog right now. It's not that I don't ever want one but I just don't think I'm ready for the commitment yet (does that sound silly? I don't know?). We both work full time, as do my family and DPs family live hours away.

Puppies of the breed that we both agreed on (about 3 years ago as I said I would only ever say yes to a small sized dog) recently became available very very local to us and DP arranged to go and see them this evening. I didn't mind going as I've never been around the particular breed before and definitely never seen them in real life as puppies so thought it would be beneficial to me for when we eventually get a dog further down the line. We have just come home and DP is super sad because she really wants the puppy, keeps saying how it was the perfect shade, perfect location etc. DP has even just spent 10 minutes in the kitchen crying over it Hmm

My argument is that it's not the right time (as we've only been living in the house for a few months, my commitment worries, our work schedules etc) and the price is higher than I personally would like (pedigree line). It all also just feels a bit rushed to me.

DPs argument is that it's the breed and shade that we want, the sellers were lovely, we got to see the parents and it's local and if we miss this puppy we may never get the chance again and will have to travel miles.

Not as if it matters (although I'm sure MNers will say "it obviously matters otherwise I wouldn't have mentioned it") but the house is technically mine - ownership, mortgage etc all in my name only.

AIBU? Do I give in and cash out on this puppy? Or do I stick to my guns and do what I think is sensible? Confused

OP posts:
RebootYourEngine · 26/07/2017 19:38

Who is going to look after the puppy while you both are at work?

Gingersstuff · 26/07/2017 19:40

This has the potential to end very badly for the puppy. For the love of the gods, stick to your guns.

Crunchymum · 26/07/2017 19:43

Shade? What does that mean?

bridgetreilly · 26/07/2017 19:43

I'd let her get the dog, and make sure she knows she is responsible for it.

LouiseBrooks · 26/07/2017 19:44

No way should you be getting any dog, much less a puppy, if you both work.

Mulch · 26/07/2017 19:45

A dogs a big commitment, even if she agrees to do the lions share your all living together. I would say no, there's always other dogs, it's really not something to rush into.

CouldntMakeThisShitUp · 26/07/2017 19:46

Stick to your guns.

Is your dp always so immature and prone to emotional blackmail?

Pengggwn · 26/07/2017 19:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/07/2017 19:48

Getting a pet, ESPECIALLY a dog, must be a mutual decision. Dogs are a tremendous responsibility and they need a lot of training and care. I love dogs and have a dog. When I worked out of the home, I came home at lunch every day to take her out, because having a dog locked in a kennel or home alone for 8-10 hours is just not good for them. I now work from home, so thankfully that's no longer a concern. What if you end up with an animal with serious health conditions? Vet bills can be astronomical. I had a dog many years ago who, before he passed away, needed over $12,000 worth of medical treatments and surgery. Having a dog can be very limiting. Unless you have the finances to afford a quality kennel or pet sitter, there are things you just can't do. Personally, I think having children is easier in some regards! You can always take your child anywhere you wish to go, but that's definitely not true with a dog. Bottom line, it's a huge commitment, and there is nothing wrong with you not feeling ready for one right now. Don't let your partner pressure you or bully you into getting one.

Wolfiefan · 26/07/2017 19:48

You can't have a puppy if you both work full time. You can't.

MeanAger · 26/07/2017 19:50

You are definitely not being unreasonable! Your partner is!!

Aside from the fact that she has somehow had the sheer luck of the first local litter she came across having the exact dog she wanted Hmm you are not in a position to properly care for a dog, let alone a puppy! You both work full time!

luckylucky24 · 26/07/2017 19:50

I wouldn't do it. You need to have time to train them and be patient whilst they pee all over your house. Plus the issue that for some reason dogs can no longer be left for more then a few hours alone.
Its a lot of responsibility if you are not sure about it.

crazyspaniellady · 26/07/2017 19:52

You both work full time, and as you've said you don't want to get a puppy right now, it would be highly irresponsible for you to get a puppy IMO. Don't be guilted into it, the whole "we'd have to travel for miles" doesn't make sense to me, you'd move heaven and earth for the right dog. Also, just a side note, any breeder that is willingly to give a puppy to a couple that work full time is questionable.

MeanAger · 26/07/2017 19:52

Choosing to have a dog/pet is (imo) the same as choosing to have a child. You are comitting to raise this new life for all its days to the best of your abilities. Getting a baby (a pup is a baby in dog terms!) while you both work full time is certainly not giving it the best of your abilities. Is it?

Doesitgoto11 · 26/07/2017 19:52

Do you rent or own? That's a biggie since your LL may not allow pets.

And if you're not ready then you're not. As a pp has said what will happen while you're at work? Pups are HARD work and shouldn't be left for any real period of time.

As a personal experience word of caution I was with XDP living together for over a year when we took on a dog (he'd always had them, I loved a certain breed for their characteristics and traits) and we ended up rehoming and absolutely amazing girl. XDP and I split up 3 months later (nothing to do with the dog!!) and when he left he walked out on both of us. He used to be home more hours than me so I had to put things in place to make sure she was ok.

I lost her a couple of years ago and whilst I'd love another dog I'm on my own and still in rented - sometimes it can be v difficult to find LL's prepared to take pets.

Bringing an animal into your life is a bit like deciding to have a child (am prepared to be pulled up on that) but they have needs and requirements and deserve to be a joint decision.

sugarandshite · 26/07/2017 19:53

I know a lot of people don't agree but a dog is just like having a child.
Feeding, walking and vet care isn't enough. They need company, stimulation, training and need to feel part of the family.
If you both work full time you can't provide this.
If you're having doubts don't go ahead.

Themoonhatesthestars · 26/07/2017 19:54

A dog is a massive commitment and can sometimes be more tieing than children in that you can't go for a nice walk then out for lunch as the restaurant might not be dog-friendly or pop to the shops on way home as you can't leave the dog in the car. I love my dog but if you're not ready then don't get one especially if breeder location is one of reasons as there will always be more puppies and we travelled from north Scotland to Manchester for ours.

MeanAger · 26/07/2017 19:54

Agree wrt breeder being questionable. Good breeders who produce well bred, healthy dogs having waiting lists for their litters. Sometimes years long. They don't need to advertise litters they already have because they all have homes before they are even conceived.

Doesitgoto11 · 26/07/2017 19:54

@sugarandshite you've just made me feel better for my post Grin

joojoobean99 · 26/07/2017 19:54

Please don't get a puppy. They are a massive commitment and will take up all of your spare time. Also, as you're both working all day, who is going to train it? It will likely grow up to be a badly behaved dog if it's not trained when young, and you may even resent DP for it if it ends up chewing furniture, pissing on the floor, etc.

When DH and I first moved in together, I was desperate for a dog (I'd wanted one my whole life but parents always said no). DH put his foot down and said no cos he really didn't want one, so we compromised on a cat instead (which I wasn't totally convinced about, but a cat was better than nothing). I absolutely fell in love with the cat as soon as I laid eyes on her, and it really was the best decision we/he ever made. Much less time and commitment involved with a cat, but still gave us a lovely cuddly pet to look after. I wouldn't even dream of getting a dog now!

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 26/07/2017 19:56

You can't have a puppy if you both work full time. You can't

Wolfie is right. This exactly. You really can't. Don't get one please, you are not that interested and you would need to be. It would be really stupid and selfish not to mention cruel .

MeanAger · 26/07/2017 19:57

I have had my boy 7 years. He is the best dog in the world. Honestly, he is so easy to look after (apart from the hair!), I hope to have him another 10 years. But, I already know that when he is gone I won't be having another dog. It is just that big a commitment and quite restrictive in a way that children aren't.

Needsomeflapjacks · 26/07/2017 19:59

Sorry but to me it shows a negative side to your dp. . A dog is a long term, full time commitment not to be entered into on a whim. . You are both out all day - condemning your dog to no hope of fulfilling the expectations of a dog owner.

Piss and shit and chewed items will greet you at the door every evening - not a happy content pooch. .

JigglyTuff · 26/07/2017 19:59

Like everyone else said, you can't get a puppy if you work full time. It's like getting a baby - you can't just disappear off for 12 hours and leave it home alone.

SarfEast1cated · 26/07/2017 19:59

I doubt the breeder would let you have a puppy if you both work anyway. I think it would be a bad idea to be honest.