Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

AIBU over this puppy situation?

75 replies

UnVinoGrandePorFavor · 26/07/2017 19:35

Will try and keep this as succinct as possible. N.B. Same-sex relationship (to avoid any confusion with pronoun use etc).

Me and DP have been together for 4 and a half years and living together for 7 months. DP grew up with dogs, really wants us to get a dog ASAP and is happy to let me choose the breed/sex/name. I've never had a pet and am not too keen on getting a dog right now. It's not that I don't ever want one but I just don't think I'm ready for the commitment yet (does that sound silly? I don't know?). We both work full time, as do my family and DPs family live hours away.

Puppies of the breed that we both agreed on (about 3 years ago as I said I would only ever say yes to a small sized dog) recently became available very very local to us and DP arranged to go and see them this evening. I didn't mind going as I've never been around the particular breed before and definitely never seen them in real life as puppies so thought it would be beneficial to me for when we eventually get a dog further down the line. We have just come home and DP is super sad because she really wants the puppy, keeps saying how it was the perfect shade, perfect location etc. DP has even just spent 10 minutes in the kitchen crying over it

My argument is that it's not the right time (as we've only been living in the house for a few months, my commitment worries, our work schedules etc) and the price is higher than I personally would like (pedigree line). It all also just feels a bit rushed to me.

DPs argument is that it's the breed and shade that we want, the sellers were lovely, we got to see the parents and it's local and if we miss this puppy we may never get the chance again and will have to travel miles.

Not as if it matters (although I'm sure MNers will say "it obviously matters otherwise I wouldn't have mentioned it") but the house is technically mine - ownership, mortgage etc all in my name only.

AIBU? Do I give in and cash out on this puppy? Or do I stick to my guns and do what I think is sensible?

OP posts:

Pardalis · 26/07/2017 20:53

You will only be able to do this if you can afford day care for the dog. Especially as it's a puppy. If you can, then the rest of my advice is:

Breed. Is the breed suitable for you? Size, temperament.
Has is come from a breeder who has carried out the necessary health tests on the parents? Not a vet check but a check for inheritable diseases.
Does its physical conformation predispose it to other health problems? Brachycephalic, short legs, long bodies, long ears. All those should be avoided.

Getting a dog is a massive decision and head should rule over heart if you want a happy and healthy pet.

EezerGoode · 26/07/2017 20:59

I've had/ have had 4 babies and 2 puppies all at different times..hand on heart the puppies were harder work..the weeing/ pooing all over goes on for months..also I'm at home full time,but even going out for a couple of hours needs planning to make sure pup is ok ,fed and been to the loo...you both must be up for this 100%.. but also in my book it's a 100% no no if you are both working full time.puppies need company.they need to be taken out and about carried all over to socialise way before they have injections so they can walk....

anchor9 · 26/07/2017 21:02

YAANBU

a puppy is a huge commitment. so many people take one on willy nilly and the dog and family suffer.

if there isn't a responsible, willing adult in your house 24hr a day, every day absolutely do not get a puppy.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 26/07/2017 21:04

Don't do it. A dog is a huge commitment. I have to consider my dog constantly. For example I have to work in London next week- great opportunity but can't agree to it until I have dog care in place - before childcare!!!

I work part time and someone is home all day 4 days out of 7. Now my work patterns have changed I need to pull my finger out and a dog walker.

I got my dog when I was single - buck stops with me. I don't think I could handle the resentment if my partner didn't pull their weight with the dog - I would have got him.

Your dp is thinking only of her desire for a dog - not the dog quality of life.

Why not get a cat?

Letitrain · 26/07/2017 21:05

Lots of people have puppies and work full time. It's unkind. Don't do it.

Gingerandgivingzerofucks · 26/07/2017 21:06

It is frankly cruel to get a puppy then leave it at home all day. What you going to do, crate it and leave it all day? Because believe me, puppies can be very destructive when bored. What if it has separation anxiety?

I doubt your DP has a clue about dogs talking about the right colour. Do not buy q dog based on colour, buy it (or rescue it) based on solid health scores from both parents, not vet checks, that's useless.

How does she propose toilet training if it's being left all day? Utter madness.

Do you rent? Because there's no way I'd allow a dog in my rental.

JenTheSprtacusPuppy · 26/07/2017 21:24

Its not uncommon for people to want a certain coloured dog and to the look for that colour. Things like labs, some people want the yellow Andrex puppies, whereas others look for a chocolate brown or black one.

I assumed that's what OP meant about ideal shade, having a preference for say a yellow lab doesn't mean an owner will be bad, my friend got a puppy from the same litter I got my black one and she knew before she went to meet the breeder she wanted a yellow one, she has a three year old black one and plans to get a third in a few years and will be buying a brown one and then hopefully a fox red a few years after that. She has the best loved and well trained dogs I've ever known.

I've also read a little about in some breeds , some behaviours are more common in specific colours, and also if the dog is going to be working then the colour can be important too.

OP def shouldn't get a puppy, because they dont have the time to care for one, not so much because she'd rather have a specific colour of a certain breed.

user1496777666 · 26/07/2017 21:25

No experience with puppies/dogs but echoing all those saying don't do it if you are not 100% on board. A bit disappointed that many suggest a cat instead, yes they are more self-sufficient than dogs on the whole but still require a huge commitment from their people to provide company, food, vet care and clean up their messes. I do understand why your DP is upset but honestly her thinking and behaviour around this whole issue makes her sound rather immature, which in itself is a good enough reason not to take on any major commitment yet.

Mama234 · 26/07/2017 21:29

Puppies are really hard work, I actually think they are harder than children, I don't think its a good idea if you both work full time.

GinIsIn · 26/07/2017 21:36

Just because her parents have had dogs before doesn't mean it's ok for you to keep a dog in conditions that would absolutely make it miserable. You MUST NOT GET A DOG if it's going to be left alone all day - it's so cruel!

CornflakeHomunculus · 26/07/2017 21:46

There's nothing wrong with having a preference for a certain colour but picking a puppy because it's that colour is ridiculous.

The right puppy is the one most likely to suit the family it's going to, regardless of colour and any decent breeder is likely to give a potential buyer short shrift if they want a particular puppy based on how it looks.

vikingprincess81 · 26/07/2017 21:46

Commitment issues? Sorry OP, i don't think the dog is the issue here

Skarossinkplunger · 26/07/2017 22:19

JentheSpartacusPuppy I think those people are shallow too. The whole colour matters for working dogs theory is bullshit too, asthe owner of a red border collie I did my research, you should too.

Katnisnevergreen · 26/07/2017 22:23

Surely a dog walker or doggy daycare would be used? I never understand the whole 'people who work full time shouldn't have dogs' line. If you're out 8.30-5.30 and the pup goes to day care or a couple of hours with a walker, it should be fine.

Rednailsandnaeknickers · 26/07/2017 22:38

No Kat it's NOT fine. What you are saying is owners out of house for 9 hours, and a "couple of hours" with dog walker = leaving a young puppy alone for 7 hours!! Totally unrealistic and cruel to the young dog.
That situation might possibly suit say, an ancient greyhound who is happy to snooze on a comfy sofa for most of the day, but a young pup?? Nooooo way. Ridiculous and shows a complete lack of knowledge about puppies and their needs.
Please don't get a dog - either Op or Kat!

Original poster

UnVinoGrandePorFavor · 26/07/2017 22:43

Thanks for all of your replies! I appreciate them all!

We've sat down and had a chat about it tonight and DP has said she agrees with the points I've raised. I think she just had her heart set on this pup and is worried about a missed opportunity. I know she's wanted a dog for a long long time and I can't wait to see her happiness on the day we finally get one, I just know that we have to do it when the time is right for the dogs sake. My Mum is retiring next summer so I've told her we can revisit the idea of a dog then as I'll likely be more ready (especially as I know my mum can be around in the day). Walking the dog once a day during the week will also give my Mum something to do with her new found freedom (though I would obviously check this with her too! I'm not about to dump a dog and the responsibilities on my Mum when it isn't her pet!).

P.S. No children yet but one day hopefully! Currently only mid 20s.

P.S.S Yep owned, not renting.

OP posts:

Llanali · 26/07/2017 22:49

I'm pleased to hear you've come to a sensible agreement.

We have a pack of dogs here, and I don't see an issue with an adult dog left at home provided walked before work, walked or play with for an hour at lunch then exercised evening. But I agree this is fisasterous and not feasible for a pup.

With regard to shade.... please bear in mind many colours sold as "unusual" are often actually not desirable As associated with other issues. Anyone selling a pup as a "rare" colour should be examined closely. For example, in a popular breed, "lilac" is actually not a good colour at all as associated with skin issues, sight issues etc, but is often sold to the unsuspecting for a premium as being different and rare

sparechange · 26/07/2017 22:50

Daycare with someone who is specifically able to offer a puppy service (so providing help with training, socialisation, quiet time etc) is fine
A dog walker for a couple of hours a day for a puppy is ABSOLUTELY NOT FINE AT ALL.

A puppy doesn't need lots of walks. It needs a LOT of attention and training and gentle behaviour correction and guidance and above all, company

Daycare is about £30 a day where I am. And I would expect a dog under a year old to be in daily day care if there isn't anyone at home, so that's £600 a month
After a year old, depending on the dog and how well it copes being alone for a few hours, you could alternate daycare every other day with a dog walker for 2 hours which would be about £20 a day which would be £500 a month

If you can't fully commit to those sorts of costs on top of the food and insurance costs, you can absolutely forget getting a puppy or young dog
It would be complete cruel

KarmaNoMore · 29/07/2017 22:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1468353179 · 29/07/2017 22:54

Dpn't get a puppy unless you're prepared to pay for daycare-about 15.00 a day, and will look after it, train it and love it always.

Bagely · 29/07/2017 22:57

UnVino in the mean time, is there the opportunity for your DP to volunteer at a local dog rescue?

It might help with the feeling of wanting a dog.

gingerbreadmam · 29/07/2017 22:58

great work op sounds like you have worked together to come to the best decision for now.

DP and i moved in together and got a puppy about 10 months in. It is so much harder then you even imagine and the expense is ridiculous.

I know you's have made a decision already but for futur reference think about pet insurance, paying someone to check on the pup, kenelling, vet costs e.g. jabs, wormers and flea treatment. You will want to / need to buy lots of things like beds, toys, treats. It all adds up. I guestimate our dog (now 2) costs us somewhere on the region of £200 per month.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 29/07/2017 23:16

Very unfair on the puppy .

And speaking as someone who is a long term vegetarian/doesn't use animal tested cosmetics/household materals and has rehomed 8 rescue rodents (just a background to let you know I'm not an ogre) and I live next door to noisy dogs...............

If I was your NDN and your dog was whining (as it will being left alone , its natural for a baby animal) .... I would be hammering on your door every bloody day , morning noon and night (when I'm not at work myself) and at 6am on a Sunday morning telling you to get your animal to STFU.

As you were .

Rossigigi · 29/07/2017 23:50

Well done for having the conversation, sticking to your point and coming to a sensible decision.

SecondBreakfast · 29/07/2017 23:55

Shade? Size?? It's not a bloody ornament!

Who's going to walk it and keep it company during the day? It's not just madness to consider getting a dog in your situation, it's unethical.

Flip

1 2 3