AIBU over this puppy situation?

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Will try and keep this as succinct as possible. N.B. Same-sex relationship (to avoid any confusion with pronoun use etc).

Me and DP have been together for 4 and a half years and living together for 7 months. DP grew up with dogs, really wants us to get a dog ASAP and is happy to let me choose the breed/sex/name. I've never had a pet and am not too keen on getting a dog right now. It's not that I don't ever want one but I just don't think I'm ready for the commitment yet (does that sound silly? I don't know?). We both work full time, as do my family and DPs family live hours away.

Puppies of the breed that we both agreed on (about 3 years ago as I said I would only ever say yes to a small sized dog) recently became available very very local to us and DP arranged to go and see them this evening. I didn't mind going as I've never been around the particular breed before and definitely never seen them in real life as puppies so thought it would be beneficial to me for when we eventually get a dog further down the line. We have just come home and DP is super sad because she really wants the puppy, keeps saying how it was the perfect shade, perfect location etc. DP has even just spent 10 minutes in the kitchen crying over it

My argument is that it's not the right time (as we've only been living in the house for a few months, my commitment worries, our work schedules etc) and the price is higher than I personally would like (pedigree line). It all also just feels a bit rushed to me.

DPs argument is that it's the breed and shade that we want, the sellers were lovely, we got to see the parents and it's local and if we miss this puppy we may never get the chance again and will have to travel miles.

Not as if it matters (although I'm sure MNers will say "it obviously matters otherwise I wouldn't have mentioned it") but the house is technically mine - ownership, mortgage etc all in my name only.

AIBU? Do I give in and cash out on this puppy? Or do I stick to my guns and do what I think is sensible?

As a dog lover I feel for your DP in her longing for a puppy. She has obviously been wanting one for years and maybe felt you were tactically agreeing by going to see the puppies. So I think you should be understanding of her upset and don't dismiss it. It really means a lot to her so please try to have a good talk and not just think she is being silly.

Also I think you are putting your dp in a difficult position by living together but you having the final say over joint decisions like this because it's your house. That makes a very unequal partnership. If you are going to live together long term you should look at making things more equal that way, it's her home too.

However I definitely don't think you should agree to get a puppy unless you are sure. A dog is a lifelong commitment and if you aren't willing to keep it for life and at least help out with it (even if she is the main carer she will probably need some help sometimes say if she is ill). As a pp said will you have the resources to care for it properly if you are both working full time? A puppy needs a lot of care and someone around most of the day.

I definitely agree with the both of us full time working thing but DP says that there are plenty of full time working households that have dogs and that her and her parents had 2 dogs when she was growing up and her parents worked full time?! And I never really know how to respond to that?!

Dogs are great and lovely but puppies chew, bark and need housetraining they also need lots of play, socialisation and walks. They need to be regularly wormed and flea treated which is expensive as well as vaccinations, insurance and also my personal favourite .........toenail clipping😳 You cannot really leave dogs for very long and will need a dog walker or come back at lunch time to walk the dog. Holidays will be very different for you if you have a dog, you need to arrange your routine around them. They are lovely but don't underestimate the time, money and dedication needed to have a dog and care for it properly. Consider getting a rescue cat if you want a pet and both work full time op

Op if you get very very lucky you may get a couple of dogs together that provide company for each other and are fairly low energy and sit there all day. It is extremely unlikely that a puppy will be ok with this it is very likely that they will bark, chew and poo the house down if you are regularly leaving it all day. Dogs are not all the same and an older bonded pair may be fine to be left for long periods occasionally (they may tolerate this but it is still not really ok to be fair as dogs are social animals) after a walk but not a young pup. Your partner sounds a bit selfish to be honest of you get a dog I would put money on it ending up in a rescue centre quite quickly once you realise you cannot cope puppies are hugely demanding just check out the threads on the dog house and show them to your dp

OP imagine spending 10 hours alone in your kitchen one day. Then doing it again the next day and the next and the next. What would that do to your mental health? Now imagine you are a toddler being left in the kitchen all day. What sort of state would you expect to be in by the end of day one?

Puppies are so restrictive. I've had dogs in the past. Unfortunately had to regime my last dog - a collie with the in laws for the last 2 years of her life as she was extremely nervous around my dc as toddlers. Later found out she was in pain that's why she was snappy with them. Dc now 7 and nearly 6 both started full time school so we got a lab puppy. He's fantastic with the dc. BUT he's a puppy. You can't leave the dc and pup alone for a second. They are tying. My pup is now 11 months old and can be left for up to 4 hours. You can guarantee when we get home he needs attention and a good walk. He needs at least 2 hours a day walking, mostly off Leash having a good sniff/swim. If he gets that he's a couch potato.

He was easy to train as a pup but now he's got to teenage stage recall has gone to shit and it's train train train again.

House training- he never had a poo in the house and we're accidents stopped at 13 weeks.

On the plus side I'm fitter from all the walking and we all love him.

I forgot to check my partner would have a dog, we both had them growing up and nothing gave me any clue that we would not get one as soon as we had set up our home.
I break my heart every day as I still don't have a dog some 35 years on. We have had cats and rehomed adults cats as we could not cope with kittens. They are wonderful companions, but you can't walk them.
I would rehome an adult dog in a heartbeat but I do accept puppies are much harder work., and we both work long hours still.

My head understands your concerns and arguments OP, but my heart is weeping with your partner. Some of us just need a dog....... And I will get mine when my partner passes.......... And that also breaks my heart

I don't understand.
Who is going to walk the dog? Train the dog? Let the dog out for a pee through out the day?
If you both work full time you simply cannot have a dog!

whatever she did growing up, and whatever her parents did, no self respecting dog rescue will let you take a dog if it will be left alone for longer than 4 hours per day.

if that is what dog rescues are saying, then don't you think it is irresponsible to go against that?

Do ANY research on-line about looking after a dog/pupy and leaving it all day is a big no no.

At the very least you need to pay for a dog walker to come in a walk the dog in the middle of the day, so factor that in to the expense....
Also, how do you house train a puppy that is left alone?
Puppies don't use litter trays, is it OK to come home to a kitchen floor covered in wee and pooh?

Tell your DP that she is crying now but what about the poor puppy crying every day and eating your furniture etc because it's anxious and scared and alone not fair on the dog at all if you're hardly ever in, and if she loves dogs so much she should understand. Presumably she wouldn't leave a human baby to it's own devices - dogs need love and company

We've just got a new puppy. She is HARD WORK. There is no way I could do it and work fulltime too.

What breed of dog is the puppy OP?

her parents had 2 dogs when she was growing up and her parents worked full time?! And I never really know how to respond to that?!

Errr...how about "i'm not your parent or other people!"?

You can't get a puppy if you both work full time.

I do query your need to mention that you own the house. It raises the thought that maybe the puppy isn't the point that should be up for discussion.

Don't do it, puppies are like little babies and they need a lot of attention when young, I mean how you would ever toilet train a puppy whilst you are out the house for 8 hours a day is beyond me as I', home all day watching my dogs like a hawk and my pup wasn't reliable until she was 7 months old!

If your partner is that desperate for a pet how about a pair of bonded cats from a rescue as they although not ideal can be left all day as they tend to sleep or at least mine do, but it's far more realistic and acheivable than a puppy.

There's a huge difference between working full time and managing to give a dog a decent life (by using dog walkers, daycare, family visiting, walking before and after work, etc., etc.) and working full time whilst raising a puppy. Three's toilet training to consider, you need to train a puppy to be left very gradually, they need feeding four times a day for several weeks and then three times a day until they're six months old. There's vital socialisation to fit in, other training that needs doing, you need to be providing plenty of mental stimulation and play, there's walks to consider when the puppy is old enough.

I'd recommend having a read through the articles on this list with your DP and see if she still really thinks working full time is compatible with properly raising a puppy.

I'd also agree that if the breeder hasn't queried you and your DP enough to know you both work full time (or if they have and they don't care) that it's highly unlikely they're remotely reputable. Decent breeders don't tend to have puppies for sale once they're already on the ground, they start building up waiting lists and meeting potential new owners before the litter is even born.

Having a grown up dog in a household with two working adults is totally different to having a puppy with two working adults. Did she think you'd fall in love and agree on seeing the puppies? Did she tell the breeder you were potential buyers? I just ask as people don't tend to make appointments with breeders to look at puppies for fun.

It's something that gets built up to and for at least the first few weeks there really needs to be an adult in the house all the time so that toilet training can be effective. Then you have to build up to leaving alone over time, starting with a few mins at a time, to an hour, to two hours etc, it's cruel to just expect a puppy to be left alone all day every day.

It takes time and patience and needs all adults in the house to be hundred per cent committed in putting the puppy first, and sorry, but that your do even thinks leaving a puppy all day every day is reasonable suggests she putting her wish for dog above the actual needs of said dog. It doesn't sound like she's done any research in the needs of a puppy or she'd know what she's suggesting isn't fair in you or the dog.

puppies are very hard work, my lab is 13 weeks and she can be very frustrating but dh and I are both hundred percent committed, we signed up for the hard times as well as the good. Popping to the shops needs planning as I either have to tire her out with a walk so she'll be content in crate for 20 mins, we can't just decide to fuck off out for a meal, or anight out, we don't mind though as it's what we chose and both wanted her, resentment will build up if both if you are not fully on board, you will resent the puppy, which isn't fair as it's not it's fault, and resent do for forcing you.

Please don't get a puppy just yet, wait until you are both ready.

Dogs are a lot of work. Speaking as the mummy of a jack Russell who was an impulse buy when I had been wanting a dog for years and hubby finally agreed. You need to do more research into the breed before you commit to it. I love love love my DDog who we have had for almost 5 years but I don't love the fact she casts like she was a lion!!!
You should also consider doggy day care if you are going to get a dog as it's not fair to leave such a young dog at home all day (we had nanny babysit for us for a long long time)
Also puppy socialisation classes are a good idea.

Also look into common health complaints of the breed (ours had a dislocated knee cap at 12 months old, needed surgery, no insurance but she was worth it)

Our dog stays in the house all day when we are at work and out round our big garden morning and evening. Puppies chew everything!! For about two years!!

I don't regret my DDog but definitely not a decision to be taken lightly!!

No, definitely stick to your guns. Pets are a lot of work. I have 3 rats and even they take up a good hour or so every day.

My dad just got a puppy. He's retired, so he can spend a lot of time with her, but she's still exhausting. She needs a lot of attention.
A puppy is a full-time commitment. You can't leave a puppy alone all day with no supervision or interaction. Puppies also have behavioural issues like chewing and barking, which need to be trained out. If you're tired from working all day then coming home to train and then clean up after a puppy will be a nightmare.

I can understand why they're crying. But they have to understand that you can't just adopt/buy an animal because you really want one. You have to put the animal's needs first.

We've both work full time and got a puppy. However, I made sure I was at home for the first month and then he went into daycare for the days I am in the office (often work at home and have flexible working time which helps).

Working full time and a dog, especially a puppy is hard work and I could not do it without daycare. Also it isn't just the hours you work, DH and I play tag team in the mornings and after work so we can get normal house stuff done but one of us plays with the dog. Trust me it's bloody hard work making breakfast whilst also trying to play ball with the dog at the same time but it has to be done so he gets enough attention and stimulation.

I have a four month old Beagle she's lovely but she's a big commitment I don't work as I,m my son's carer and I can't leave her for more than an hr as it really wouldn't be fair on her she cries.

Possibly an unpopular view but I couldn't live with someone who wouldn't allow me to get a dog. I would also leave someone who tried to tell me that I couldn't have a pet if I wanted one. DH does not love dogs but accepts they make me happy and made compromises (mainly that he didn't have to walk them!)

However, I also wouldn't get a dog if I worked full time but that's a decision I would have made myself regardless of DHs input. I would probably put mine in a daycare or look into other options but would never leave them home all day.

I can see why she is upset though as the thought of not being able to have a dog to me would be awful

Frankly the fact that you're talking about the shade of a dog makes it absolutely clear to me that you shouldn't get a dog. How fucking shallow.

Take it frim soneone who has experienced a similar thing. Dont get the puppy!

Do you have kids op, want them etc? I'm just wondering about the tears if this is some sort of replacement for your partner.

I don't think that is relevant you own the house as you are partners You're not her landlord. Lots of people hire dog walkers.