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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About this woman

76 replies

Dancingfairy · 26/07/2017 12:14

A few months back when I was heavily pregnant, I was on the bus, sat down in the priority seats, I wasn't in the first set of seats and there was a few people infront of me. A man with crutches got on and a few of the people at the front didn't move and someone behind me gave up their seat for him, anyway this woman on the bus went to her friend "see I told you she wouldn't!" And gave me a dirty look, anyway she seems to live local to me as I've seen her a lot on the bus route since and she's now always being nasty when she sees me.
It started off as tutting loudly and shaking her head at me when I walked past but today I was on the bus with my son and baby, she got on and sat a few seats infront. I hadn't even noticed her, however when she got off she walked past me and loudly said "disgusting" is there anything I can do about this? I ignore her but it's starting to get to me now.

OP posts:

PleaseStopRaining · 26/07/2017 12:16

Maybe she has some kind of health issues but I would just make a note of everything (with dates and times) in case it escalates but otherwise try to ignore or smile pleasantly at her. Most people eventually get bored when they don't get a reaction.

Olympiathequeen · 26/07/2017 12:19

I'd just ignore it all. She'll stop if she doesn't get a reaction

SheSaidHeSaid · 26/07/2017 12:23

I think by now I'd have said something but that might not necessarily be the right thing to do.

Hopefully she will eventually get bored of being nasty and stop.

kissmethere · 26/07/2017 12:33

I'd have to ask her "Do I know you? You always seem to have something to say about me when you see me." Wtf some people love to pick a fight. I can imagine you don't want to say anything with your children with you but there'll be a day when they're not and I'd say something to her. Did it all start from that day on the bus?

m4rdybum · 26/07/2017 12:35

By now, I'd have shoved my foot up her arse.

She's spoiling for a fight, OP - ignore her.

DramaInPyjamas · 26/07/2017 12:37

She's looking for a reaction so that she can play the victim. Smile or ignore she'll get bored eventually and start on somebody else

WorraLiberty · 26/07/2017 12:40

Other than ask her what her problem is, I can't see what else you can do.

Original poster

Dancingfairy · 26/07/2017 12:41

Yes I've literally never noticed her before until then, and as I said after that she will tut or shake her head at me when she sees me. As she hasn't got the reaction she wanted I guess that's why she's now taking it up a level, so I'm not sure she's going to get bored any time soon.

OP posts:

Lauraagh · 26/07/2017 12:43

Don't even let her know you know she's exsists.
That's what she wants,what a stupid woman she is.

montenana · 26/07/2017 12:48

every time she does it slowly and carefully pick up your phone and type something on it.
put the wind up her.

Winterview · 26/07/2017 12:49

I would say in a loud patronising tone 'are you all right dear?'

I think by ignoring her it will make her worse. Bullies thrive on you keeping quiet. If she mutters about you sitting in the 'wrong' seat months ago diffuse it by saying something like 'oh you must be mistaken' and laugh. The rest of the bus will back you up if she gets nasty.

It really annoys me when people expect you to give up your seat just because you're under 60. I put my buggy in the space where 3 seats fold (not the wheelchair space) and people often mutter about 'these mums with their great big pushchairs, taking up 2 seats'(!) Where do they expect me to put it, in the aisle?

kissmethere · 26/07/2017 12:49

She may have you confused with someone else. This happened to me once and a random woman asked me if I'd seen "that bitch and had it out with her" and I should have done by now. I was like "errrr..." then she realised I wasn't who she thought I was a said said sorry and darted off. This woman sounds bonkers.

Dailystuck71 · 26/07/2017 12:50

I'd probably just turn to her, give a big grin and shout out hiya.

Oddish · 26/07/2017 12:52

Sounds like a case of mistaken identity, just ignore. I'd be tempted to give her a big cheery hello next time tho.

Original poster

Dancingfairy · 26/07/2017 12:53

The joke is pregnant women can sit in the priority seats, she obviously just thought he was more deserving than me. At first I thought maybe she didn't realise I was pregnant, 8 months and huge though! But I obviously have a baby now so she must realise by now that I was pregnant and hasn't stopped.

OP posts:

Mothervulva · 26/07/2017 12:53

Yeah, say 'hi, how ARE you?!' She won't expect that.

Miserylovescompany2 · 26/07/2017 12:53

I'd smile and say hello - that would piss her right off!

She obviously has issues, but, don't rise to her bait. She wants you to bite - don't!

Zaphodsotherhead · 26/07/2017 12:54

Hang on, she's still tutting about your perceivedly not giving up your seat to the man with crutches when you were pregnant? Blimey, she needs to get a life and find something more interesting (and important) to start commenting on.

I'm another one who'd just smile at her. It sounds as though she may have problems if she's still holding on to this one thing which didn't impact on her in any way whatsoever.

Coloursthatweremyjoy · 26/07/2017 12:55

Smile...it disarms people. Seriously, when I've tried this I find people smile back by reflex and then look confused or obviously cross with themselves. If she 'confronts you' look confused and say "oh dear, I think you've got the wrong person."

ginnystonic · 26/07/2017 12:58

She sounds like she has some problems, I'd just ignore her completely.

She will no doubt find someone else to be annoyed with for no reason soon enough.

SilverBirchTree · 26/07/2017 12:58

She sounds like she has MH issues, she's probably acting like that to lots of strangers. Just ignore her.

PleaseStopRaining · 26/07/2017 13:01

The joke is pregnant women can sit in the priority seats, she obviously just thought he was more deserving than me.

I've always wondered what the procedure is when priority seats are already taken (by those rightfully entitled to them) and others (who possibly feel they have more of a need) want them. I would think at that stage it would be whoever had them first and it would then be up to someone in a normal seat to give the person in need one.

I don't think you have done anything wrong but if it does continue and you feel intimidated, you could always speak to the bus company to see if they have a policy in place as I assume they won't want their passengers to feel bullied by other passengers. Although the problem there is that the only person to enforce anything would be the driver who may not want to get involved.

flumpybear · 26/07/2017 13:03

What a miserable old cow!!! Ignore her, or what PP said and challenge if you wanted to, WTAF had it got to do with her anyway!? 😡

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 26/07/2017 13:04

Try and think, "Poor lady, she's not well and can't help it" and ignore her, easier said than done I appreciate.

SecondMrsAshwell · 26/07/2017 13:06

I would also go for the "hi how are you? Haven't seen you in ages! You look great" approach. She'll know you're taking the piss, everyone else on the bus will just think you're be a nice person.

I have to ask though, did she offer the bloke with crutches her seat?

Thought not.

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