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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About this woman

76 replies

Dancingfairy · 26/07/2017 12:14

A few months back when I was heavily pregnant, I was on the bus, sat down in the priority seats, I wasn't in the first set of seats and there was a few people infront of me. A man with crutches got on and a few of the people at the front didn't move and someone behind me gave up their seat for him, anyway this woman on the bus went to her friend "see I told you she wouldn't!" And gave me a dirty look, anyway she seems to live local to me as I've seen her a lot on the bus route since and she's now always being nasty when she sees me.
It started off as tutting loudly and shaking her head at me when I walked past but today I was on the bus with my son and baby, she got on and sat a few seats infront. I hadn't even noticed her, however when she got off she walked past me and loudly said "disgusting" is there anything I can do about this? I ignore her but it's starting to get to me now.

OP posts:

SaucyJack · 26/07/2017 13:10

You need a passive aggressive t-shirt.

PittTheMiddleOneNoOneMentions · 26/07/2017 13:10

I'd have to ask her "Do I know you? You always seem to have something to say about me when you see me."

I'd be very careful about engaging with her. You never know who you are dealing with. She could be high on drugs and have a concealed knife - or have serious mental health issues and be up for a physical fight - plenty of people get unexpectedly assaulted on public transport.

I'd ignore her.

Original poster

Dancingfairy · 26/07/2017 13:14

No she didn't give up her seat neither did her friend. Her friend just didn't say anything when she commented on me. As I said I wasn't in the first seat there was atleast 4 people infront of me so not sure why she targetted me.

OP posts:

TinselTwins · 26/07/2017 13:27

Sit right slap bang next to her next time, Look happy to see her, smile & say "hi! I recognise you from somewhere, is it somewhere else or just this bus route"

And pretend you haven't noticed ANY of her tutting or comments, that'll REALLY annoy her!

Just keep smiling and waving at her like you just think she's a friendly aquaintance and prtend to misinterpret any comments about you as about something else, e.g. "disgusting" - you look at her and reply "yes this weather is disgusting, it's meant to break by the weekend!"

Making her bitchy PA comments futile will be the best revenge

hmcAsWas · 26/07/2017 13:29

I wouldn't 'poke the crazy' by reacting. She sounds unhinged. Continue with ignoring - she will eventually grow bored if you give her absolutely no reaction (don't give her the satisfaction of non verbal reactions of looking uncomfortable or self conscious either)

Wdigin2this · 26/07/2017 13:40

Probably not a good idea, but by now I would have asked her what her problem was!

toastandbutterandjam · 26/07/2017 13:43

I know someone like this. Honestly, I just ignore her. She looks flaming ridiculous.
She's made all sorts of comments about me/my appearance/my lifestyle and yet, she's always the victim. She's always feeling 'attacked' if people don't respond to her stupidity. She's a bully - her friends just stand there watching her do it because they don't want to be on the receiving end.

I ignore because what can I say? She's a nuisance - She says others are always making her feel stupid and, as she said once 'Making me look like i'm thick' by not responding. I wouldn't stoop to her level.

She's slowly getting bored. Some days all I get is a glare from her. She'll only comment if there's an audience. If she's on her own and sees me, she's also been known to either cross the road OR put her head down, turn it the other way and pull a sad face, so if I did say something, it would look as though i'm 'attacking' her.

It's not pleasant and yes, it is really annoying, but she will soon get fed up/realise how petty she looks. I hope you're all okay

KimmySchmidt1 · 26/07/2017 13:46

She sounds like a nutter? Are you non-white or in some way vaguely exotic looking? That is the only conceivable way I can think her mind can be working (ie she is just a racist) - otherwise it is literally completely randomly mad.

Witsender · 26/07/2017 13:49

I probably would have stood up for someone on crutches though, it's nigh on impossible to stand on a bus on them.

She sounds like a dick though, either ignore or give her a friendly smile each time she does it.

ShmooBooMoo · 26/07/2017 13:51

Was she seated on the bus? If so, did she not think to offer her seat to the person on crutches? She sounds a right mare. Confronting her calmly might be better than ignoring. Some bullies, and that's what she is, lose their voice when confronted! Sometimes ignoring doesn't end up with the bully losing interest and stopping, sometimes it gives them confidence to up the ante and escalate their bullying behaviour.

Is she usually accompanied when she makes these digs at you? Bullies are more confident in company! Next time you see her and she's alone, tell her calmly that you have no idea what her issue is but she needs to stop or you'll take things further.
Keep a diary. She sounds like she's a bully, or, much less likely, suffering with MH issues.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 26/07/2017 13:57

Im afraid id have to ask. What exactly is her gripe. Why is acting like a dog with a bone. Okay you didn't get up and move, but being heavily pregnant.
You probably weren't In a position to just dive up.
Why did she not tut at the other people who didn't move. Can she only target defenless pregnant women.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 26/07/2017 13:59

How old is she? Just wondering if it's age related mental health issues like dementia. (Not excusing her behaviour at all. She's been quite scary to be honest. Just trying to think of an explanation)

Do you ever see her friend around at all. Wondered if she might be helpful to find out what the hell her friends problem is

But yeah I'd keep a diary. Probably best not poke her. she's already behaving erratically and prolonged which I would find quite worrying. Is there anyone else nearby who can Travel with you occasionally

AwaywiththePixies27 · 26/07/2017 14:01

I've always wondered what the procedure is when priority seats are already taken (by those rightfully entitled to them) and others (who possibly feel they have more of a need) want them.

PleaseStopRaining. My Mum is riddled with osteoarthritis and walks with a triwalker. A man once got on the bus ans gave her the biggest rollicking saying she clearly didn't need the priority seat as he'd had more operations than her! (she'd explained it was her first time out in weeks after an op and was struggling)

I get it from both sides. I get it from judgeypants and I get it from disabled people too, who really really should know better. The most recent was the man with a walking stick slagging off sprightly young things for siting on a bus bench when it was clear he needed it more. I'd been on a nebuliser 60 minutes before. My friend who was with me was furious. Hopefully he'll think twice about judging so quickly next time.

OP I know it's hard but try to ignore it, the police won't do fuck all anyway voice of bitter experience, as a good friend of mine was fond of saying in these situations "you cant educate them".

JamRock · 26/07/2017 14:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluntness100 · 26/07/2017 14:05

I also think you need to not react. She's clearly on the crazy side and she may use your reaction to escalate it to someplace you really don't want to go.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 26/07/2017 14:06

Something else has just came to me.
How old is she about.
Could she be suffering from fertility issues and She's taken an instant dislike to you due to jealousy and inferiority.
Not that that's any excuse for her bullying behavior.
I'm just trying to find reasons.

WotsitWig · 26/07/2017 14:09

How bizarre. I'd be so tempted to say something if I was in your position, but as others have already said, probably best not to engage with her.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 26/07/2017 14:11

I probably would have stood up for someone on crutches though, it's nigh on impossible to stand on a bus on them.

Well yes, but OP was heavily pregnant and she wasn't the only one on that bus that could have moved. I has SDP when pg with DS and was in absolute agony.

Original poster

Dancingfairy · 26/07/2017 14:40

Standing on a packed bus whilst heavily pregnant isn't easy either and I was not the only one seated. Anyway yes she is probably late 60s her "friend" didn't say anything when she made her comment so maybe it wasn't her friend and maybe just someone on the bus she made the comment to, just hoping she doesn't get worse.

OP posts:

Atenco · 26/07/2017 16:13

"I probably would have stood up for someone on crutches though, it's nigh on impossible to stand on a bus on them"

What madness is this? That in a bus full of able-bodied people the woman who is eight-months pregnant should give up her seat?

I don't think the existence of priority seats means that everyone else gets to ignore someone who desperately needs to sit down.

Witsender · 26/07/2017 17:04

Of course not. Bit if no-one else did I would.

MrTrebus · 26/07/2017 17:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Urubu · 26/07/2017 17:18

I personally would laugh everytime she makes a comment or tuts. But I guess the sensible advice is to ignore her

GinaFordCortina · 26/07/2017 17:18

Tell the bus driver you're getting verbal abuse from her every time she does itz

dadshere · 26/07/2017 18:00

She sounds mentally unstable. Avoid like the plague. Get a rape alarm, in case she approaches you. My sister had a similar experience with a loony-tune. The woman in question actually physically assaulted my sister quite badly, turns out she had been having a series of arguments with my sister ( in her head) and things boiled over.

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