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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the system stinks??

181 replies

purpleprincessa · 25/07/2017 18:05

Bit of backstory...

DP has been in the U.K. almost 10 years now. We met when he first got here and was claiming asylum. Asylum claim failed, he went off radar. At the time I couldn't deal with the stress due to me being concerned about my job and whether I would lose it due to his status. (I work in a position of trust)

We got back together 2 years ago and sought legal advice straight away. Few problems with the solicitor not giving good advice and basically trying to scam more and more money, so we changed in November last year.

Applied for an unmarried partners visa initially and provided the evidence required. DP now has to sign on at the Home Office monthly and had an appointment for further submissions in July this year.

We have had to change our application due to me finding out I'm pregnant so are applying for a family visa rather than unmarried partners/ spousal route and have provided evidence of pregnancy (scans, hospital appointment, letter from midwife).

Had news today that the Home Office have denied his application and we now have to appeal (costing yet more money!!)

DP just wants to get the visa so he can work and provide for his family!! We are both feeling so low and the pressure is too much at what should be a happy time in our lives!!

I'd understand if he was playing the system and getting all sorts of money and support but he's not! He's very qualified to get a good job and contribute to the tax and national insurance system!!

AIBU to be pissed off at the system?

OP posts:
viques · 25/07/2017 20:49

Sorry, no sympathy. I hope the home office catch up with your illegal immigrant partner and deport him. I know a number of real asylum seekers and the problems they face and can't stand chancers who rely on the inefficiency of the home office to play the system.

DeepInFrance · 25/07/2017 20:51

Gosh, buckets of milk of human kindness on this thread.

Somerford · 25/07/2017 20:53

What are you looking for here, OP? Do you want advice or are you just hoping that people will agree with you so that you can take comfort from it? If it's the latter, fair enough. Regardless of how this situation came to be, I don't wish you any misfortune and I hope you can find a solution. If it's the former, I have to say you have used some rather slippery language which isn't going to help anyone who seeks to offer advice.

"He was trafficked to Italy" doesn't stack up. How did that happen? Are you telling us he was kidnapped and effectively enslaved or, as I suspect is really the case here, did he approach said traffickers and make this arrangement himself? If this is his own doing, it's very difficult to accept that he's got everything worked out in his home country. Why did he ditch everything he had back home and come here in such a risky, hazard ridden way? Why hasn't he gone home rather than going "off radar" if he's got businesses and assets waiting for him? What is so appealing about the UK, compared to his home nation, which makes it preferable to live here illegally rather than at home where he apparently has a very decent set up which he can return to? It doesn't make any sense so far I'm afraid OP. Sadly, I strongly suspect that he fled his home country because it was dangerous or because he was poor and wanted a better life. I empathise greatly with either (or both) of those positions but it doesn't seem feasible that you could have a viable future in his home country whatever the outcome of his appeal. I am finding it very difficult to imagine a scenario in which a person with businesses, assets and a generally decent life would take such enormous risks and abandon everything they have to go elsewhere. Not unless they faced very serious adversity, and presumably the same adversity awaits you if he returns and you go with him.

laurelstar · 25/07/2017 20:55

Is going back to his home country dangerous, as he has claimed asylum?

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 25/07/2017 20:55

I seriously doubt the OP is going to come back.

Liara · 25/07/2017 21:04

Good god, the UK really has become a petty little country since I left if this thread is anything to go by.

You are right OP. The system sucks. You are a British citizen, and you should have the right to marry whoever the fuck you want and have them live with you in your own home in your own country.

Everything else is incidental.

Gemini69 · 25/07/2017 21:09

Cringing for the OP and her poor choices Flowers come to your senses soon lady

harshbuttrue1980 · 25/07/2017 21:13

Has he been paying taxes for the past 10 years? If so, then I think it would be right to allow him to stay. Any immigrant who wants to come here and work hard and pay taxes is welcome as far as I'm concerned. If he hasn't contributed though, then he shouldn't be allowed to stay.

MeanAger · 25/07/2017 21:21

Has he been paying taxes for the past 10 years?

How could he have been paying taxes? He was here illegally? He wasn't on any system. I feel he was earning it will have been cash in hand, undeclared income. If he declared it he was letting the authorities know where he was which of course he didn't because he was "off radar"

BabychamSocialist · 25/07/2017 21:25

Well, I sympathise with you.

We went through the system with a lot of talking to the Home Office when we adopted our boys from abroad and it was a pain in the backside then. Nothing really makes sense and it can be really demoralising.

I know it's not the same but I feel you!

RortyCrankle · 25/07/2017 21:26

If he was 'under the radar' how could he possibly be paying taxes?

Liara
Good god, the UK really has become a petty little country since I left if this thread is anything to go by.

Perhaps he should come to your country - I'm sure he could stay with you while he finds an illegal job Hmm

HerRoyalFattyness · 25/07/2017 21:26

liara except OPs boyfriend has been staying here illegally. He broke the law. Has been doing for 10 years.
If she wants to be with him then fair enough. That's her decision. That doesn't mean he has the right to stay here.

metoothree · 25/07/2017 21:30

Liara - you are one of the few voices of reason here.

If you have a British child and/or a British partner who has chosen to be with you of their own free will, you should be allowed to live in Britain. End of.

HerRoyalFattyness · 25/07/2017 21:33

even if for ten years you've been breaking the law? Yeah OK. Hmm because people can come here without permission, apply for asylum they don't need, be rejected but stay "under the radar" instead of going home to their homes and business where they are perfectly safe (as OP is planning on going there if they get rejected again, so clearly not dangerous) not working, not paying into the system, yet they can stay because someone shacked up with them?

metoothree · 25/07/2017 21:34

And the same should be true of the other country.

Otherwise people could be left either stateless or forced to split up with the person they love/ leave a child with only one parent.

How can that be right?

metoothree · 25/07/2017 21:36

And the same should be true of the other country.

Otherwise people could either be left stateless or forced to split up with someone they love and/ or bring up a child alone.

How can that be right?

Cailleach666 · 25/07/2017 21:37

I doubt the OP will be back.

HerRoyalFattyness · 25/07/2017 21:38

How can it be right that people can stay in a country illegally and then end up benefiting from that because they got/got someone pregnant? It's not right and fair at all.
It's not fair on the child, but neither is being born into a relationship where one of your parents is a criminal, and the other is aiding them.

MrsPorth · 25/07/2017 21:39

Very weird.

What were the circumstances of your meeting up the second time? Is there a chance he could be an economic migrant who is using you? Was he very flattering and attentive, telling you how much he missed you over those ten years?

Please be careful. Don't throw too much money at this unless you are confident he's genuinely in love with you. Look after yourself and the baby.

MrsSchadenfreude · 25/07/2017 21:44

VladimirsPoutine - if the OP is British by birth, her child will be a British Citizen and no-one can stop them returning to U.K. to live.

VladmirsPoutine · 25/07/2017 21:47

MrsSchadenfreude Have a little read of the Hague Convention, child abduction and returning British nationals.

MeanAger · 25/07/2017 21:52

If I rememeber correctly the CBeebies "I can cook" presenter (Katy someone?) got into difficulty when she left her partner in Australia with their daughter. From what I gather they had agreed to live to Australia but after a short while (a few weeks I think?) she decided to end the relationship and return home to the Uk. I believe it went to court to decide whether the child could stay with her or be returned to father in Australia.

BMW6 · 25/07/2017 21:53

Perhaps there's a reason why he would come here illegally and be refused asylum - he could have a criminal record, for example...........

Lucysky2017 · 25/07/2017 21:56

Might have been better to marry before getting pregnant and sort out the status first! As you both rushed ahead with a baby it's now even more of a complicated mess. Sounds best if you both move to his country.

MeanAger · 25/07/2017 21:58

Corrections: it was their son and she stayed in Australia for 3 days before returning to the UK after discovering her partner had been unfaithful. His comments on that are Hmm

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