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AIBU?

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Original poster

GPs fussing over DD and ignoring DS

56 replies

twinfinfinfish · 25/07/2017 15:37

We're on holiday with my parents and a couple of other extended family members this week... this is something I've noticed before but is magnified by being away and is making me feel so sad for my DS.

It is like a bunfight to get to DD(3); everyone wants to be the one to read her story/take her swimming/hold her hand along the road etc...it's almost a bit suffocating and like she has five parents (that's another thread re people not listening to my wishes)

There are endless offers to take her off our hands, but no-one seems to want DS(10 mo)... no-one's offered to do a thing for him, no-one's even taken him for a cuddle unless I've asked them to.

Everyone is constantly saying how beautiful/wonderful/clever/funny DD is (and she is!) but it really draws attention to the lack of positive comments about DS. He's such a lovely little boy, and it's making me really sad.

I don't want to cause a weird atmosphere by mentioning it so not sure what to do really?

Is this sort of thing common?!

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 25/07/2017 16:36

What a load of old shit, Bunnybardot. Even if grandparents do have a favourite, they should do their utmost to hide it. Why the fuck should it spoil the relationship they already have with their GD, unless they're control freak narcs who only want things their own way, of course.

liquidrevolution · 25/07/2017 16:44

I always feel sorry for my youngest nephew. His older brother is the Golden Grandchild but his little brother is often left in a pram outdoors, even by his mum.

People are weird.

Aeroflotgirl · 25/07/2017 16:46

I was going to say the same as the other posters, until I read that your mother prefers girls to boys, and has always doted on your daughter ever since she was a baby. That is not acceptable, I think you need to have a chat to her about it, eventually your ds will get bigger and will start to notice. Wander what will happen at Christmas.

Aeroflotgirl · 25/07/2017 16:50

Yes crap advice by Bunny, you absolutely have to nip it in the bud now. That boy is not going to be a baby for long and will notice. So its ok for granny to buy nicer presents for dd than ds? Its ok for granny to fuss over dd and not ds? Its ok for granny to have a favourite grandchild, and to hell with the other one! Rubbish, look at it from the eyes of the other child, and its very very sad. What about developing a relationship with both grandchildren Bunny! That should be the utmost importance.

CheesecakeAddict · 25/07/2017 16:52

He's 10 months....he's not going to remember the time grandma held him to cross the road or the nice days out. Your DD is old enough to start creating those memories. And as far as saying nice things, well when it's a baby it's just to easy the parents' minds - but a 3 year old can enjoy complements. Be happy that your DD has this fantastic relationship with them and I'm sure the GPs will take a bigger role in DS's life when he gets a bit bigger and becomes more interesting

multivac · 25/07/2017 16:54

3-year-olds are fun; 10-months old are boring.

Aeroflotgirl · 25/07/2017 16:56

Read the op updates fgs!!! Its not about him being a baby, but being a boy, as op mum prefers girls and granny doted on the girl when she was a baby.

multivac · 25/07/2017 16:56

When your daughter was a 10-month-old, she didn't have a more interesting older sibling. It was her or nothing.

SnowWhite33 · 25/07/2017 17:17

Well it could be one of several reasons or a mix of them
Toddlers are far more interesting than babies. They can be witty and funny, and you can have a conversation and in general you feel that you are getting something back
When your daughter was a baby she was the first born and im sure everyone was fussing over her
I agree though that as your son gets older, they both need to get the attention from your parents, and you should def talk about it with them, dont keep it to yourself

paxillin · 25/07/2017 17:46

But when your DD was 10 month old there was no 3 year old to pick over her? It might change as he gets older and more interesting.

mistermagpie · 25/07/2017 18:00

It's very similar with my two. DS1 is 2 and the absolute light of his GPs eyes, they worship the ground he walks on and fall over themselves to read to him or hold his hand or whatever.

DS2 is 4 months old and they barely look his way, poor lad. The thing is, as a pp said, he's a baby and babies are boring. DS1 is lots of fun and can also do a lot of things (walk/talk) that make him easier to look after.

I'm not bothered really, I love DS2 enough for everyone.

paxillin · 25/07/2017 18:05

People have favourite ages. Give me a baby, no problem. Give me a child aged 5 or over, including a teen, lovely. Ages 2-4 I find an absolute pain, lots of will and no sense.

My GP loved 1 year olds, when mine was a 1 year old cherub and DSis's was weeks old, hers didn't get a look in. When mine was 2 and wilful, and hers was a 1 year old cheerful cherub, mine didn't get a look in. When they were 6 and 7 they were fussed over the same.

Nanny0gg · 25/07/2017 18:25

I think 10 month-olds are great! Just starting to explore...

StarHeartDiamond · 25/07/2017 18:33

TBH they may well have a preference and it's better tivesge then into noticing that before it gets set in stone as accepted behaviour (bitter experience).

The subtle approach first "oh ds would love some cuddles with his grandma!" "Can you help feed ds, grandad?"

Then if they don't change, say something like they had obviously had longer with dd to bond, so it's understandable, but you wouldn't want ds to feel left out as he grows up.

StarHeartDiamond · 25/07/2017 18:33

*to encourage

mistermagpie · 25/07/2017 18:42

pax I'm the opposite! A 2-4 year old is a lovely thing to me, but a baby... yawn. I love my little one but I am waiting for him to do something other than eat, sleep, poo and cry.

Original poster
twinfinfinfish · 25/07/2017 18:43

Thanks everyone. Just got back from a few hours out with DD while they had DS. As soon as I got in I poked my head round his bedroom door and asked if my mum was ok giving him his bottle or if she wanted me to take over...she snapped my hand off and practically threw the bottle at me. Great.

I don't know if I'm seeing things that aren't there but it's actually really upsetting me.

OP posts:
GeekyWombat · 25/07/2017 18:49

I am in exactly the same position - DD is 3, affectionate, funny, clever and adored by all (I know we all feel like that about our kids but you know what I mean). DS is 15 months and up until about a month ago no-one really paid much attention, even my dad who notionally is from a culture that would tend to be more excited about boys. They didn't actively dislike DS or anything, but he just wasn't doing much people could get involved in or enjoy. That paired with a massive sense of not wanting DD to be pushed out made him a bit of a poor relation.

In my experience it's all changed in the last six weeks or so - DS is now toddling about, has started to get really affectionate with people other than me and babbling more and relations are definitely reacting to him more and interacting with him more which seems to be making him even giddier.

I totally understand the pangs, but hopefully this will be your experience too.

Flowers and Wine in the meantime.

Original poster
twinfinfinfish · 25/07/2017 18:52

Thanks geeky, really pleased it's got better for your DS

OP posts:
eggsandwich · 25/07/2017 19:10

I wouldn't get upset about it as your Dd is 3 they start to be more interesting and engage with people more, they also start showing some independence and their personalities start to show much more, but at 10 month old they not that interesting and are more work until they get older.

I bet when your ds is 3 they will start taking much more of an interest, I shouldn't be too concerned at his present age by their lack of interest, but as he gets older you may need to have a word, they may not even realise they are doing it.

My children's gp's have always engaged more with my Dd than my ds most probably because my ds has asd is non verbal and has severe learning difficulties so they don't get any feed back from him, he doesn't care if they are in the room or not, but my Dd when she was 3 was a little chatterbox and they loved it.

Northernparent68 · 25/07/2017 19:21

Can you say something in a gentle light hearted tone ?

Xmasbaby11 · 25/07/2017 19:26

But when your dd was 10 months she was an only child so of course she got the attention.

Babies do tend to get ignored when there are older children around. I went to a picnic with 6 children, all 3 plus apart from a baby. We were all busy with other children and baby got almost no attention. He was happy with his mum and no one thought to do anything with him.

My dp weren't interested in my dc until they were 2 or so and more interesting company!

DeadGood · 25/07/2017 19:40

What do you mean she snapped your hand off?

If she was horrible to you, then surely you now have an actual concrete reason to addrsss her behaviour.

stella23 · 25/07/2017 19:47

You have to say something, it will build up and you will end up withdrawing from the relationship with you mum so you don't feel bad for your ds.

He will notice in the end just like you have. He will look to you to support him.

stella23 · 25/07/2017 19:48

Also i don't agree with the he's a baby people, most people love a baby and if she doted on dd when she was a baby she needs to get a grip and show ds the same

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