To want to sign up to something a bit dodgy to try and make friends

[lemonandelderflower]

Obviously, when I say a bit dodgy I don't mean illegal but a selling group.

I don't think I'd be very good at selling things so I'm not too worried about that but the women on it seem friendly and so I'm wondering about signing up for it (it's not very much to join) and just trying to get involved in the social side of things?

Or is this crazy?

I'm enjoying the videos, tips and chats so far.

Not sure what kind of actives you are after to make friends but there's a website called Meet Up where loads of people get together to do an activity or discuss similar interests. You can take someone along with you if you are concerned at first. Or, Bumble BFF app (like tinder but for making friends with similar interests - just make sure you set it to the BFF option as for ages I had my profile on there and then realised it was on dating mode and I was searching for a lesbian partner 😂 DH found it hilarious).

Have you tried looking at what your local library has on offer? They often have a variety of groups so they may have chatty ones that you could try out. Also leaflets of random places that might be interesting for groups etc.

What about your local MN? You could ask on there if anyone would like to meet up.

I don't really want to 'do' things, though.

It's hard to explain.

If I go to something like meet up, I go alone, I spend an hour with people, then I go home, alone, and I stay home, alone.

You have to know a lot of people in order to fill the days. And the nights too.

I don't see how joining a make up selling group (but not selling) would improve your friendship situation? Surely all they talk about is make up and sales?

Perhaps you could do befriending work -ask about volunteering with Age Concern or at a local old people's home. Or become friendly with your neighbours somehow?

Well it's the online nature of it really, Jenny

It's being part of a 'community'. I'd be very awkward talking to an elderly person but can sit and enjoy group chats if that makes sense.

Plus I wouldn't be taking the elderly people home

Then surely any fb/online group would be fine? And one tailored to your interests.

If you join the one you're on about you'll be chatting to a bunch of fakes, airheads and the brainwashed! They won't be genuine. They'll also be defensive and pressuring and spend most of the time talking about the crap and overpriced make up and portraying fake lifestyles, while spouting all that dream big nonsense.

Don't do it to youraelf!

I haven't found any where I can get involved Trip most are either so big and random or tiny and therefore quiet. Just the odd photos.

But you have us!!! (((((lemonandelderflower))))) We are a lovely online community.

I like dipping in and out of chats on here but and this isn't a criticism if you're feeling a bit low or discouraged I don't find mn a great place. People are no nonsense and that's good but just now I don't cope so well with that.

Have you thought about your local ladies circle? It sounds a bit old fashioned but they can be great fun!

There are little nooks and crannies here though. AIBU is awful if you are feeling shit but I'm in Feminism a lot and Preppers. And there were the great Threads No One Replies To that were lovely and supportive.

The issue is that either an online community has to be niche, or it has to be big. They die off otherwise.

Yes, it can be tricky, getting that balance. I don't know though. It's hard to explain but I like getting to 'know' people. Feeling part of their lives.

There are quite a lot of good, chatty FB groups. If you are interested in make up, there's Mrs Gloss which has plenty of general chat and doesn't hassle people to sell things. If you like books in general, there are online bookclubs (there might even be one that meets face to face in your area as well as online chatter).
If you like romance/erotic romance I can give you a list of several chatty book groups (for readers and authors) to join: I dip in and out of these because overwhelm but there's definitely an 'online community' vibe to them.
Though, to be fair, any and all of these groups will occasionally erupt like a basket of squawking hens over some sort of misunderstanding, so it's not a bad idea to belong to a few.

Actually, how about your local WI? They are often good and supportive as well.

It's so hard to make friends as an adult isn't it? Particularly when you want/need to, I think people can sense this and avoid needy people. Are there any activities you enjoy where you could join something? Like running or singing? I joined a choir a few years ago and quite unexpectedly got a group of friends out of it. I think this was because I joined genuinely wanting to sing and not socialise and it just happened. This might not be very helpful if there are not many opportunities where you are. The make up thing sounds dreadful though. Sorry!

See I'm a member of Mrs Gloss but just seems to be a lot of photos and feedback on them. Not actual 'talk'. You know?

Not sure about WI ... I don't know if I have the time. It's evenings and weekends that are the problems.

Local amdram? Not as main stage, unless you want to, but they always need help?

Book groups are good.

Running group is great but I haven't made friends through it.

What things do you enjoy? If you are a nerd, you're in luck... Lots of gaming, cosplay, D&D, online nerd stuff. Feminism, activism, the environment?

I've got things I 'do', I suppose what I'm saying is I need company for when I'm home, alone, does that make sense?

It does. That's what I use MN for.

Dog?

There will be groups out there for people who are interested in the same things as you. There are also some FB groups which are basically for 'local people', which might be good as they are more likely to feature a range of discussions.

you already say in your OP that it's a bit dodgy. I think you can find something else. These communities are not as friendly as they seem on the outside. There is no friendly chat once you're in because as other PPS have said you have to meet targets etc. If you don't you'll just be ignored as deadweight to the organisation. I think it's foolish to think you can join something like this and not be involved in the MAIN objective of the whole thing which is to make money.

Book club, perhaps? Are you a fan of a specific book or movie? I found that some fan communities can be a bit cult-like ... a bit like those selling groups, I suppose, but they aren't doing it on purpose, it is just the group dynamic that develops.

Have you looked at online communities, or online gaming? You don't need to be particularly into the games, but the online community sounds very much like what you're looking for. Many games/guilds etc have a very active online chat presence, the majority of which (in my experience) have little our nothing to do with the actual games

OP, have you tried a local Meetup group, you can look online for a group in your area, they seem to have groups that cover every interest under the sun. I think it's just Meetup.com , then put your local area in the search box.