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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have no idea why this upset this woman, dance school related.

82 replies

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/07/2017 13:23

I was talking to a couple of mums yesterday. One with a dd in a dance/drama type school that I decided not to send my dd to as she's really into ballet not the drama. Moreover dd already knows a lot of children in the dance school. Her dd has been at the other school for years and the mother seems heavily committed to it. I talked lots to this mum as she has a wealth of experience before I decided on which school and although I didn't tell her, the one I chose also suits me better due to chronic illness/ mobility issues of which she isn't aware.

The other mum is a friend and my dd up til now has been going to the same local dance school. So I've just signed my dd up to a very good local dance school renowned for good ballet. Both schools have a stunning reputation so the choice was also based on which classes were available to her on a Saturday and this one came up trumps. The owner of school itself when I said I had also considered the other school confirmed it is also an excellent school. So no competition as far as I'm aware.

My friend was asking me about the school. The question she asked was "is x school (the one dd is going to) old school". To which I replied "I think so." The other mother hit the roof, "You can't say things like that, it upsets people bla blah blah". And I said, well it's more about the ballet for dd and not about the drama so I've chosen based on what my dd wants. She continued to rant about how I upset people saying stuff like that.

Any dancers out there. What did I say wrong? I have put myself through professional acting btw so I just don't get it. It's normal to talk about one school without denigrating the other, isn't it?

OP posts:

diddl · 25/07/2017 14:03

So if you can't say that the school you have chosen is old school, why did she ask if you thought that it was?

And why can't you say it??

GwenStaceyRocks · 25/07/2017 14:04

So the mum who took offence is the mum whose DD is at the drama/dance school? It sounds as though she's upset that she told you all about her school and you chose the other one for your DD. She might have read your comment as a criticism of her choice.
Perhaps if you had gone back to her and thanked her for her original advice but explained why the school didn't work for you, she wouldn't have felt so insulted. But then again, she may just take offence very easily.

DirtyChaiLatte · 25/07/2017 14:08

So she put words in your mouth by asking you if it was 'old school' and then got annoyed when you said yes?

She's BU.

GwenStaceyRocks · 25/07/2017 14:08

I've just read my post back - I didn't mean you should have gone back to her. Just that she may be the sort of person who thinks that feedback is important

Original poster

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/07/2017 14:13

Gwen

I thanked her at the time profusely. I told her yesterday I'd decided to take her to the other school and explained my reasons and clearly stated I'd have preferred the other school had it been for me as a child. However I was doing what was best for my dd. I thought I was very kind to her. She showed me a pic of her dd with her trophies from a recent competition, which I made known I thought was impressive. I asked her a lot of stuff about how things work and was generally very positive about her dd. I don't know what more I could have said.

Diddl

Not sure exactly what you meant there. But my sentiment is why can't I say I think it's old school. My meaning is the emphasis is more on dance than drama. Dance teaching has been going a lot longer than acting training. So they're sticking to traditional teaching imo.

OP posts:

horsefeathers · 25/07/2017 14:34

Sounds like a totally innocent remark to me. There's nothing wrong with being old-school and nothing wrong with being the opposite, you pick what suits your kid. She must be reading some grave insult into it but I've no idea what it could be.

Don't worry about it, OP, you didn't do anything wrong.

Original poster

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/07/2017 14:44

Thanks feathers, that is calming. And for clarification, it wasn't my friend, who went irate, it was the woman. I'm so bloody confused about the whole incident that I can't even get my words right.

OP posts:

LaArdilla · 25/07/2017 14:50

"Old school" is a term used to describe something that follows older or more 'traditional' methods... c'mon, y'all know that.

She sounds a dim old bint. She asked you if it's 'old school', you said 'I think so' which is non-committal, she was spoiling for a fight.

I remember at fucking Baby Ballet with two year olds wobbling around some mothers would shuffle up next to me and start whispering in my ear about other parents, or other kids, or whether I liked the teaching methods or the music and I had no idea how to 'play the game', or even that there was a game to play, so I just looked really confused as if they'd mistaken me for someone they knew. Weirdos.

KoalaDownUnder · 25/07/2017 14:58

Just to be clear (because your OP wasn't, sorry): the person who said 'Is it old school?' and the person who said 'You can't say that!' are two different women. Yes?

horsefeathers · 25/07/2017 15:09

Yes it was two different women. OP's friend asked if it was old school, OP said she thought so, and a third mum (who sends her child to a different place) got weird about it.

lanouvelleheloise · 25/07/2017 15:14

Ohhhh, so there are 3 women?!

Can someone explain whether the woman was upset because "old school" is negative, or because it's positive?

Totally bemused by this thread.

diddl · 25/07/2017 15:14

Sorry, I hadn't realised it was two different women.

So someone asked you an opinion, you didn't exactly give a definitive one & someone else chimed in & berated you.

Wierd & not worth bothering about!

IHateUncleJamie · 25/07/2017 15:19

So there's 3 women including the OP - ? Was batshit woman eavesdropping? Or were you talking directly to her?

Either way, I have no idea why the term "old school" could be unacceptable to anyone. It's neither an insult nor a compliment - just a phrase. YANBU and I am bemused.

WhataHexIgotinto · 25/07/2017 15:22

I still don't really understand this.

Branleuse · 25/07/2017 15:24

bizarre. Just avoid the crazy woman

Gemini69 · 25/07/2017 15:25

I'm baffled.. but hope your DD enjoys her school

winobaglady · 25/07/2017 15:27

Sideline ...

Nice pun Euphemism, bet you can tap loads of them out.

VeryButchyRestingFace · 25/07/2017 15:29

Maybe she thought you were accusing her of being nouveau riche?

TriHard27 · 25/07/2017 15:30

Did she definitely say "old school" or did you mishear her? Trying to think of sonthibg offensive which might sound similar...

Her reaction seems odd to a question she asked herself.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 25/07/2017 15:49

What a very strange reaction she had!! Maybe she herself thinks that "non-traditional" is an insult in its own right, or that it's seen as lower-class than a traditional type school.

In any case, what you said was fine - her reaction was weird, OTT and says far more about her inner feelings about stuff than about what you said.

I wouldn't worry any more about it, quite honestly. Sorry you've had a shit week with family - I know that feeling!

Original poster

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/07/2017 16:46

Deffo old school. Ok so it's not just me then. It's everyone else that thinks her reaction was a bit weird.

Koala yes two different women. Friend asked question, weird woman took umbrage. I was at table with the two of them. We sit together while our kids do an activity on mon eves.

Yes hands up. My op was not very clear. It reads like a conundrum.

OP posts:

TrinityTaylor · 25/07/2017 16:56

She sounds defensive. Often these schools which offer training in loads of different things, with kids taking five random styles, drama and stuff actually offer lesser dance training as teachers are more "jack of all trades" or kids are not as serious about it all as they just want the variety, and there isnt enough time to get them up to scratch for say RAD or IDTA exams in the basics as they don't have qualified teachers or kids taking enough hours of the particular discipline (ballet /tap). My dd goes to a traditional ballet school with some tap and conditioning classes. After the basics are grasped theyby move on to jazz, a bit of lyrical etc. The school has kids go to be associates with big ballet schools and go there to train plus success in examinations. They would never

It might come off snobby but there is no one type of school better, its what suits each child. You have to go to a focussed, traditional school for ballet to get the technical prowess. Some kids just want to learn routines, perform them on stage and have fun that way. My dd would hate the drama singing type thing anyway, she like a lot of little ones serious about ballet, is really quite shy.

TrinityTaylor · 25/07/2017 17:00

*they would never look down on a child doing drama and hiphop type dance (as an example) outside of the school, they'd think it was great, but they'd never offer it themselves as its just not what they're about. Girls or boys wanting to go more into musical theatre are advised of recommended vocal coaches and places to gain experience, and lots have gone into it, but they learn the dancing first

AlexanderHamilton · 25/07/2017 17:04

Dance mums are a strange breed.

Dd went to an old school type dance school. Her teacher was all about precise technique, slow progress & traditional dance etiquette. It was what dd wanted & she's now training vocationally at a full time school.

Ds goes to a more recreational, less intense school. He'd never cope with dd's old school. It's more about creativity, fun but the teaching is still good but less emphasis on perfect technique. He's more into drama & singing.

I have great respect for both schools. They offer different types of training & suit different types of children. Dd would get frustrated at ds's school. Ds would get demotivated at dd's old school.

Unfortunately some mum's are so in the mindset that the only right way is their way. I'd ignore her- it all sounds a bit loopy.

user1495025590 · 25/07/2017 17:09

Maybe your phone autocorrected to say something different ?

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