I'm not sure narcissism can be diagnosed on the internet. My mother never hit me except for a few slaps and the one time she beat me up when I was 9 because I didn't want to stay at school for lunch - so she got me all day, cried and I had to tell my father I fell of a wall I had walked along.
I had lovely clothes, lovely home, a pony!!
My mother used to tell people I was a difficult child, that I wasn't very bright , I was too plain to wear pink. Her entire life revolved around what she wanted to do. She has been married three times. Her last husband enables possibly because he's rather keen on spending her inheritance. I doubt there's much left after 30 years.
She has never praised me or been proud of me. She criticises and belittles. The only time she has ever said anything positive about me was when dd was about six and I said "doesn't she look lovely" and in front of dd retorted not as lovely as you and me were at six. At 12 dd came home from a visit and said "I'm not going again mummy, I don't know how you put up with her". Until I had a child I saw it as me being the problem not her.
Over the years she has developed intense relationships with "friends". After about a year or two those friendships end on bitter feuds and fall outs. A couple of couples, elderly now, still send me a birthday card, say "you're a good girl" and pat my hand if they see me, once a flood, in the village. Sometimes I tell myself I've made it all up in my head. Then I remember hiding my firstborn and sobbing for hours knowing my entire being was there to support and protect him.
I call weekly and visit quarterly to every six months. I never look forward to it, there will never be joy or warmth. If ever I have broached a child's naughtiness it has been my parenting that has caused it.
Dd has been ill in the last few years with anxiety and depression and anorexia. My mother doesn't know because it will be me to blame. We are through the worst and dd has a neuro developmental disorder which was eventually diagnosed and with the right treatment and therapy she has bounced back. She is more fragile than me and I dread to think of the damage my mother would have wrought on her. Mine was relatively limited. I question my own parenting constantly.
I'm sorry that was long and about me op. It could almost be construed as narcissistic but what I am trying to say is that you must manage her and your feelings at the same time and protect your child. It isn't your fault. Never was. Never will be.
I'm 57. I would still like to please my mother. I know it hurts.
