Urgent advice on how to handle unwelcome guests

[NewinTown25]

Urgent advice needed!

Please kindly advise me on how to handle a current dilemma I am in. I have a half brother who lives in another country with his family. We do not get along at all and have had major disagreements over the years. We are also not in regular contact, infact the only times he calls me and we talk is when he wants to come to stay at my house with his wife and kids for holidays at the end of which we would all be emotionally drained from arguments, snide comments and criticisms from the wife about almost everything. These holidays have happened about four times in the course of 12 years. The whole family including me recently had a major falling out with him over a family matter which was never resolved. He announced yesterday on our family WhatsApp group that his family is relocating to the country where I live. While I wish them the best, I dont want to have anything to do with them. This evening I saw a missed call from him after not having spoken for months and I suspected he wanted to discuss coming to stay with me until they settle down which would be typical. I am not emotionally prepared for this. Please advise how best to handle this diplomatically without hurting feelings further.

Can you not just tell him it isn't convenient?

"That won't be possible"
"I don't want to"
"No".

Unfortunately if you offer lots of reasons they will be things for him to counter or overcome. Stand your ground. You could explain that you always argue and you have the recent disagreement but 'no' will be more effective.

If you've had a major falling out, why do you have to be diplomatic?

Tell him to get lost, then ignore any subsequent communications from him..

I'd message and ask why he called. I'd refuse to answer the calls.

Tell him in plain English that staying with you won't be possible but good luck with the move

Ignore, but discuss with others and tell them there's no way you're having him to stay (if that's what you think he wants). It will no doubt be reported back to him, saving you loads of hassle.

Don't call. Ball remains in his court.

Go straight in with a mail/text saying you'll be happy to send him advice but they cannot stay with you.

Say no. He can't honestly expect you to host him and his family after all that has happened. Tell him if he ever wants to rebuild a relationship with you then there will be no hope after sharing the same apace for weeks.

"You're worried that living in such close proximity to them would just strain the relationship further, and you'd end up having a major falling out."

He'll argue that it won't, you keep insisting that you love him too much to risk it. It's true, you probably WOULD have a major falling out, so you can be as vehement as you like about saying no.

I don't do 1571 so never know who missed calls are from. If you don't want him to stay then you say no. It can be difficult saying no to someone you like and get on with but in this case he isn't your friend, you don't like him, you hardly talk to him so saying no should be easy. You don't have to say no until he actually contacts you though.

I understand it's hard with family but
1.) I wouldn't return his call
2.) If somehow pushed I would use the family row to keep him away "I'm afraid the argument about xyz might flare up again and I don't want to further pollute our relationship nor my home environment. It's best we keep it to just dinners or days out." Or "I'm afraid that under no circumstances will it be possible to host at that time as we have a series of prior engagements. Or "fuck that!"

Turn it down. Give no reasons or he will "help" you overcome them. Practise saying "Hell No!".

He could be there for months!

Just keep repeating that it doesn't work for you. Don't give reasons.

Please let us know you get on!

Just ignore his calls for as long as possible, then you'll build up the courage to just say no.

((((((((((Hugs)))))))))) OP.

No,be strong and tell him it isn't possible - and repeat!

You do realise he needs your permission to stay, yes?

Being vague, ambiguous or waffling will be taken as indecisiveness and lead into a presumption of agreement.

You need to be clear and firm: it's NO. It's not going to happen. Do not make it your problem to solve e.g. start explain or defend why, or getting into conversations about how it affects them!

Block and ignore.

Avoid his call.
If he catches you just say no. Nothing else, just no,it's not convenient.
You're already nc so you've nothing to lose by being quite blunt.
Good luck.

Thanks everyone for the kind advice. I guess I just have to man up and stand my ground about my "no". I will also discuss with our other silblings to get there perspectives. I am sure they will support my stance as we all know this family for who they are.

*their. Lol

Need some "NO WAY" practice, OP?

Can I come with my lot? We are loud and irritating, stay up until 3am to watch Netflix, eat lots of expensive meat and the kids are totally feral now it's the summer break.

Don't return his call, let him call and catch you in.
If he does ask if you will put them up, say unfortunately that isn't going to work for you, but you're happy to forward on, any info he may require.
That is all you have to say, job done.
Do not allow them to stay, not even for a week, it could drag on, and drag you down.
They will find their own way, as does everyone else who relocates.
Don't worry about it, just be positive.💐

If you don't want them to stay then the views of your other sibs are irrelevant as it's not their house.
You aren't running a hotel.
You don't have to act as a hotel to people you dislike but share some genetic material with.