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AIBU?

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Original poster

Children apparently alone?

117 replies

iloveanicecake · 22/07/2017 22:23

Today I saw 2 young children up on the 1st floor of their flat (above a shop) opening full-sized outward-opening windows.

I was driving past slowly (parade of shops with a roundabout) and was concerned so went back. I hoped the windows had safety catches to prevent them opening too far, but was deeply worried. I parked and went back and rang doorbell, fully aware parents might not appreciate my interference but if there was an accident I'd have not forgiven myself.

Well, the 2 little girls answered the door, alone. I stood talking to them for 5 minutes. They claimed parents were home, upstairs, but they never appeared. The girls were 4 & 6. Lovely friendly girls who even came outside of flat whilst we talked (not my request and I encouraged them back inside). I was asking them where parents were "upstairs", are they sleeping "no, they are talking", if they go to school "yes", if they'd had breakfast "no, we don't usually have breakfast", but said they'd had lunch - it was 5.30pm. I eventually went home, reluctantly, and within 5-10 minutes of leaving girls I called the police (on 101).
Was I BU to be concerned and call police?
The 101 call handler put it through on a high alert for a welfare visit from an officer. I returned a few minutes later to see if girls ok and saw police car outside and interestingly a man sitting in same window as the girls had been in. (Not policeman in uniform, so presumably the dad.)
I hope all is ok. Was I overreacting to call police?

OP posts:
HeteronormativeHaybales · 23/07/2017 07:43

You did the right thing ringing the bell, and you did the right thing alerting authorities when your concerns weren't allayed.

What you should have done, however, is asked them to get a parent. The questioning about school and breakfast was entirely inappropriate and led by your idea that you were Discovering a Horrific Case of Neglect (which you may well have done, but we and indeed you cannot know that for sure).

FWIW, I have known a couple of otherwise excellent, engaged MC parents who were very relaxed indeed about things like upstairs windows.

VeryButchyRestingFace · 23/07/2017 07:44

I wasn't quizzing. Just making conversation for 5 minutes with unknown little children until parents came to door

You usually "make converstion" with complete strangers by asking them if they've eaten that day? Hmm

You weren't wrong to call the police about your concerns re the window. But I don't understand why you didn't just ask the girls to fetch a parent.

And why you're now denying that you were quizzing the girls, when you clearly were. That's a bit disenguous.

BallsOutFriday · 23/07/2017 07:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleBooInABox · 23/07/2017 07:52

The school question to me was normal, elderly people ask my DS if he goes to school all the time.

But asking about breakfast and lunch... that's a little bit much op. You could have called the police when you weren't satisfied that the parents were there.

It's not ideal to have two girls of that age open the front door and remain unsupervised, perhaps they were expecting a visitor. So assumed that it was them. The children were excited and looking out the window.

bostonkremekrazy · 23/07/2017 08:07

OP don't know why you are getting a hard time

too often we ignore wierd or odd things we see, don't want to interfere or be yelled at by another adult.

but there are situations where a child needs help and cannot say. we don't know the right thing to say, but you did something....

THANK YOU - from an adoptive mother whose neighbours ignored the odd things and did nothing.....IT takes a village to raise a child!

otterlieriver · 23/07/2017 08:16

I don't think OP is getting a hard time. Some think her behaviour was fine. Others, including me, think the initial knock on the door then contacting the police was fine but the grilling about breakfast, lunch and school was too much.

Any village that kept grilling my children in such a way is one I'd move away from Wink

purplesippycup · 23/07/2017 08:16

You went overboard asking questions.

They were pissing about opening a wide window at a height, that was dangerous and needed pointing out whether it was to the parents or police. But what does that have to do with what meals they have eaten and if they go to school?!Hmm

Parent(s) had clearly taken their eyes off them, as all parents have to do at times, maybe to cook or go to the loo, see to a small baby, whatever, it sounds like you were implying they were neglectful and probably don't send the kids to school or feed them properly because the kids were doing something they shouldn't Confused

BTPlonker · 23/07/2017 08:43

I'm utterly baffled as to why people think the OP shouldn't have asked the children some questions. Presumably she was keeping them talking while waiting for an adult to appear and she asked them things that seemed relevant. Yes, ideally she should have directly asked them to go and get a parent, but it is always easier to get it right when you are not in the middle of an unexpected situation.

Toysaurus · 23/07/2017 08:43

My seven year old says she never has breakfast and forgets she's had dinner an hour after eating. She lives in a fantasy world and forgets everything. She would be more of a danger outside on the doorstep than stood by a window. A window we still haven't ascertained was opened to what degree.

Anytime time you ring a doorbell and a child answers you ask them to get an adult straight away. Every time. Don't poke your nose in like you did prying because that is wrong. If you have concerns about a child fine ring 111. But don't quiz children like that.

Della1 · 23/07/2017 08:52

I don't think it really matters that she questioned the children. The bigger picture is the window and that they are able to open the door. The questioning is a small detail.

Della1 · 23/07/2017 08:53

I think the op is have by a hard time here and she did the right thing!

grasspigeons · 23/07/2017 08:59

I think you are getting a hard time OP. You were worried they were going to fall, you went to tell the parents, the parents didn't seem to be there so you asked a couple of questions that would indicate an adult was on the scene. It's all very well saying what you would or wouldn't do in a situation, but ìts different when you are a bit anxious.

Oliversmumsarmy · 23/07/2017 09:18

Parent(s) had clearly taken their eyes off them, as all parents have to do at times

How do you know? This was a first floor flat over shops, presumably the op didn't fly up to the window and look into the living room and look around it to see that there were no adults there.

For all the op could see was a child opening a window. The op didn't know that a parent might have asked the child to open the window. The op jumped to the conclusion that the children were alone and were in need of saving. Even after she quizzed the children about what they had eaten did they go to school and were the parents in and the answers given were perfectly acceptable she decided they were lying and called the police anyway. It comes across that you didn't ask to see the parents because if they had been fetched your assumptions of neglect would have been proved wrong.

You called the police because a child opened a window.

Extua · 23/07/2017 09:30

Jesus what's wrong with speaking to the kids. So she may not have said exactly the right things but honestly it's not like you expect to be in that situation! I'm guessing op just said the first things that came into her head. She didn't get to draft a bloody mn response with all the facts to hand.

Secondly the not asking questions things is being used entirely in the wrong context. I wonder how much attention was paid in all this safeguarding training Grin if a child discloses abuse or something like that then absolutely don't ask leading questions or questions at all, just give the child room to speak. This situation is entirely different. There's not evidence to bear in mind or anything like that.

If asking a child a question in a safeguarding situation was bad I'd be out of a job!

knobblykneesandturnedouttoes · 24/07/2017 08:36

You did exactly the right thing. You were waiting for parents to come down to the door so made small talk with the kids.

If the kids are being well cared for, the police will know and leave the family with a reminder that small kids near an open window aren't safe. If they find the kids aren't being well cared for, the family will now be put in touch with appropriate agencies.

Safeguarding children is very serious, and the bottom line of ALL training I've had is that if you have concerns, report it. You can rest easy knowing you did the right thing, whether the parents were in the home or not.

embod · 24/07/2017 08:46

You absolutely did the right thing. If ever there any concerns regarding the well being of children we all have a duty to report it.

nachogazpacho · 24/07/2017 09:00

Being nosey when it comes to child welfare is a good thing imo. At worst they had a funny conversation with a lady who knocked on their door. It's possible their family have issues and needed someone to spot it so they could get help.

Turning a blind eye is the easy option. Going back and knocking was brave. I've confronted a woman screaming verbal abuse at her very young dc and it was scary but it stopped it happening. I think in hindsight getting a mobile phone and recording things would be better but we don't think of these things at the time!

user1495025590 · 24/07/2017 09:26

A 6 yo opening a window of a safeguarding issue? A toddler maybe . but not a child who has beem on school 2 years!

Oliversmumsarmy · 24/07/2017 09:59

Calling the police because a 6 year old opened a window is a little extreme.

I want to know why the questions when you didn't believe the answers .

A1Sharon · 24/07/2017 10:00

My sis and I were up in our room when we were small-like I was about 3, and I opened our window wide, and sat out on the window sill. I remember it so clearly.
and saying hello to my neighbour from across the road...who of course was scuttling in terrified to inform my parents that I was about to meet a grisly end...Grin!
Parents cannot have an eye on the kids every minute, they were probably in the bathroom trying to have a quite 5 mins and a poo...
But you did the right thing.

MissCommunication · 24/07/2017 10:00

Crikey when you think about the awful things hat can happen to children I'd like to think that a caring and concerned person would check. Rather cause potential embarrassment than have an accident or leave kids in an abusive situation. So better safe than sorry. I know I'll get flamed...I'm not saying that it's always a sign of something sinister. Did a safeguarding course a while back and after that I would ALWAYS check. YANBU.

Twistedpantsagain · 24/07/2017 10:13

I don't understand why you didn't just ask the kids to go and get their parents if you was concerned that no parent was actually there!
I don't think you should have probed questions and should have just called 101 if they refused to get their parents.
Hope all is okay though!

Oliversmumsarmy · 24/07/2017 10:34

A2Sharon the child was twice your age, this was a flat so the parents could well have been in the room with them. The OP wouldn't have known. And your neighbours didn't call the police.

Voiceforreason · 24/07/2017 11:01

I agree with balls. When neighbours heard that the little boy had died clutching his dead mother, they wrang threir hands with grief saying they had noticed that she and her child hadn't been seen around lately. If only just one of them had had the courage snd concern the op had, he would have been alive today!

Op you did exactly the right thing. If it all turned out perfectly innocently no harm done. If there is cause for concern the children can now be safeguarded. The welfare of children is everyone's business.

Cary2012 · 24/07/2017 11:25

What worries me most is if the parents were there they happily let two little girls open the door to a stranger, and didn't go downstairs to see what was going on, especially as the girls were chatting to stranger for some time. I would never do this, and can't think of a single parent I know who would.

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