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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children apparently alone?

117 replies

iloveanicecake · 22/07/2017 22:23

Today I saw 2 young children up on the 1st floor of their flat (above a shop) opening full-sized outward-opening windows.

I was driving past slowly (parade of shops with a roundabout) and was concerned so went back. I hoped the windows had safety catches to prevent them opening too far, but was deeply worried. I parked and went back and rang doorbell, fully aware parents might not appreciate my interference but if there was an accident I'd have not forgiven myself.

Well, the 2 little girls answered the door, alone. I stood talking to them for 5 minutes. They claimed parents were home, upstairs, but they never appeared. The girls were 4 & 6. Lovely friendly girls who even came outside of flat whilst we talked (not my request and I encouraged them back inside). I was asking them where parents were "upstairs", are they sleeping "no, they are talking", if they go to school "yes", if they'd had breakfast "no, we don't usually have breakfast", but said they'd had lunch - it was 5.30pm. I eventually went home, reluctantly, and within 5-10 minutes of leaving girls I called the police (on 101).
Was I BU to be concerned and call police?
The 101 call handler put it through on a high alert for a welfare visit from an officer. I returned a few minutes later to see if girls ok and saw police car outside and interestingly a man sitting in same window as the girls had been in. (Not policeman in uniform, so presumably the dad.)
I hope all is ok. Was I overreacting to call police?

OP posts:
MiddleEnglandLives · 22/07/2017 22:52

Definitely not BU to check on kids climbing out of windows. I was bloody grateful when someone told us ours were doing that in a new house while we were unpacking (hadn't even realised there was an issue with windows yet).

supersop60 · 22/07/2017 22:54

You did the right thing. Better safe than sorry.

Original poster
iloveanicecake · 22/07/2017 22:57

After several minutes of waiting for their adult to appear, I became more concerned. I was just expecting to ring doorbell and have someone either annoyed at me for bothering them/ relieved I'd noticed girls were in potential danger at open window. When no adult responded several minutes after girls answered door, I thought more about their welfare - are they hungry, did they eat today, so I actually asked about breakfast.
I wasn't quizzing them, but we were chatting for quite some time - them about school, their teacher and pre-school, me about my children of similar ages (safely at home with family).
I then asked a few questions to try to ascertain if there was immediate danger - maybe a parent was inside but unconscious. All the while, just hoping a parent was simply using the toilet and taking a while to come to door.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 22/07/2017 22:58

But the OP knows full well she did the right thing in ringing the police, because they put it through on high alert and sent officers to the address within minutes.

However, the quizzing and waiting 10 minutes to phone them (given the open window situation) was in my opinion unreasonable.

sonjadog · 22/07/2017 22:59

So why when you were standing their waiting for a parent, did you at no point say the words "Could you get your Mum/Dad, please?" Would that not have been more normal thing to do than starting to ask them about what they had eaten and when??

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 22/07/2017 22:59

Why didn't you ask them to get a parent to come to the door?

chitofftheshovel · 22/07/2017 23:02

OP was the window open or closed when you returned?

And of course it got put through as high alert when phoned in if OP said she suspected/knew two small children were alone. However it would seem they weren't if there was a man in the window a short while later. Unless he happened to have come home in that time.

WorraLiberty · 22/07/2017 23:04

Exactly chit so it should be obvious to the OP that making a quick call to 101 was the right thing to do.

I can't imagine why anyone wouldn't.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 22/07/2017 23:05

It doesnt really matter what we think, does it though? The issue is how the police responded and you know that

I agree calling the police was the right thing. The questioning was very odd though and in different circumstances could look slight suspicious. If a child is at risk of harm, the usual response is to ask to sueaknto or find their parents right away and insistently. Not start asking them quite personal questions

user1498911589 · 22/07/2017 23:07

YABU to quiz them about going to school and on their meals.

frogsoup · 22/07/2017 23:08

My 7yo still regularly asks if lunch is dinner and dinner is lunch, and if he's going to school on a Sunday. I wouldn't trust a 4 and 6yo to give a coherent account of their day!

SuperBeagle · 22/07/2017 23:08

Calling the police, fine.

Interrogating the children and not once asking if they could go and get their parents, not fine.

chitofftheshovel · 22/07/2017 23:10

What I mean worra is that the police *have to respond to this being called in. It is not an indication of the severity of the situation.

WorraLiberty · 22/07/2017 23:13

chit yes of course they do - again hence why the OP must be in no doubt that calling them (especially given the open window) was the right thing to do.

WorraLiberty · 22/07/2017 23:14

Sorry, what I meant there chit was yes they have to respond, but they don't have to escalate calls unless they deem them urgent - which given their ages and the open window, it obviously was.

Witchend · 22/07/2017 23:20

It doesn't really matter what we think, does it though? The issue is how the police responded and you know that

But the way the police responded would depend on what she said anyway.

Because if she hadn't asked the children to fetch their parents-or called loudly through the door, both of which would be things I would do before finding out whether they'd had breakfast (which is an odd thing to ask at 5:30 in the evening and I'm not sure my 13yo would give a good answer to that one by the evening) certainly wouldn't assume the children were apparently alone.

I can remember my rather over protective dm hearing me talk at about 6 or 7yo in the kitchen and assuming I was chatting to myself-until I appeared and told her I'd paid the milkman. I'd answered the door, and giving him the money on the side and written the receipt without her realising he was even there-and he had a hefty knock!

If she said "I saw two children apparently alone in their flat trying to open an upstairs window which may not have had a lock on".
Is very different from "I spoke to two children who said that their parents were in, but didn't fetch them."

A bit like the (probably made up) story of the person who phoned the police and said that there were two men breaking into his shed. "We have no one to send" the caller replied.
A few minutes later he phoned back and said that they didn't need to worry about the intruders as he'd shot them.
Within minutes the road was surrounded with police cars and the intruders were caught.
"I thought you said that you'd shot them?" said the police.
"I thought you said you had no one to respond," replied the householder.

The point is the response of the police will depend on what is said, so as the Op's title is "children apparently alone" which they weren't, I suspect she made a better story to the police than the reality of "the children said that they weren't alone, and I chatted to them for some time."

ittakes2 · 22/07/2017 23:23

I think you did the right thing. The fact they opened the door and were prepared to talk to a stranger and no parent appeared is a huge red flag. So what if you asked some questions - you were concerned and well meaning. At the end of the day it's your conscience you had to live with. You've done nothing wrong.

Jakeyboy1 · 22/07/2017 23:25

You did the right thing. I strongly believe in trusting your instinct. Man in window could have been a policeman or social worker?

chitofftheshovel · 22/07/2017 23:30

I do understand worra, although we still don't know how far the window opened or if there was a catch on it.

The OP then assumed they were in alone, so it had to be deemed as urgent and escalated by the police. But there wasn't, in my opinion, anything to suggest they were alone. Dad may well have been in shower.

However OP obviously thought there was good reason to call it in (10 mins later) and WNBA to do so.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 22/07/2017 23:30

I think you did the right thing too often we don't want to interfere or can't be arsed

Rather than people questioning why you asked the questions you did my thought was wtf were the parents not coming to the door to see who their young children had answered the door to and not being able to speak English Hmm oh please people can communicate without the use of language

But this is MN you will always be told you are in the wrong, you should have thought of x,y or z

You saw something that set alarms bells ringing concerning young children and acted like a concerned adult

Girty999 · 22/07/2017 23:30

You did the right thing, I wouldn't be mad if someone asked my boys questions, it's civilised, I wouldn't leave them alone though, it's lovely that you showed concern and actually acted upon it x

Original poster
iloveanicecake · 22/07/2017 23:33

I didn't ask what they had eaten, just if they had eaten breakfast today. They said no, but when they confirmed lunch, I was relieved. I didn't ask WHAT they ate, just happy that they had eaten recently.
The windows were closed again by the time I even came to the door, so that danger was gone for the time being. I rang the bell twice, but admittedly didn't outright demand that they brought parents to door. I asked for parents several times, but the girls didn't go upstairs to find them. I was in a situation that I wasn't expecting and my thoughts were racing. Making demands of the children wasn't immediate in my mind, I guess I was wrong.
I hope they are safe and that the man in window had been home with them (despite ignoring doorbell).

OP posts:
chitofftheshovel · 22/07/2017 23:33

witchend exactly the point I was rather poorly trying to make.

WeAllHaveWings · 22/07/2017 23:35

Why didn't you just ask them to go get their parent as you wanted to speak to them?

ImNotReallyReal · 22/07/2017 23:36

It took several minutes of me hammering on the door to get an answer as the child was locked out on an upper floor. During that time I talked to the child and told her I would get her inside. Sometimes I think an adult chatting about general stuff can calm a child. I did a what's your name, have you been locked out by accident, say hello to my daughters (approx same age, still strapped in car seats below her) as I got things in hand. I called 101 on my personal phone and put video record on my work phone (in my pocket, enough to record voices).

You do what you can to keep them safe. The bloke across the road told me to get off my phone and sort it out as I was dealing with the child and a call to 101. Bloody wimp!!! DH went over and gave him what for that night.

I called the police within a couple of minutes but the NSPCC report went in two days later as I had to give my name, address and recorded evidence. Not nice when there are a few men in the house next door threatening you, when you've got pre schoolers at home. It ended up with the Met Police not just the local team, that's all I know.

There is something not right here, I think the OP was making idle safe chat as I did. Anything to distract them from hurting themselves.

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