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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Children apparently alone?

117 replies

iloveanicecake · 22/07/2017 22:23

Today I saw 2 young children up on the 1st floor of their flat (above a shop) opening full-sized outward-opening windows.

I was driving past slowly (parade of shops with a roundabout) and was concerned so went back. I hoped the windows had safety catches to prevent them opening too far, but was deeply worried. I parked and went back and rang doorbell, fully aware parents might not appreciate my interference but if there was an accident I'd have not forgiven myself.

Well, the 2 little girls answered the door, alone. I stood talking to them for 5 minutes. They claimed parents were home, upstairs, but they never appeared. The girls were 4 & 6. Lovely friendly girls who even came outside of flat whilst we talked (not my request and I encouraged them back inside). I was asking them where parents were "upstairs", are they sleeping "no, they are talking", if they go to school "yes", if they'd had breakfast "no, we don't usually have breakfast", but said they'd had lunch - it was 5.30pm. I eventually went home, reluctantly, and within 5-10 minutes of leaving girls I called the police (on 101).
Was I BU to be concerned and call police?
The 101 call handler put it through on a high alert for a welfare visit from an officer. I returned a few minutes later to see if girls ok and saw police car outside and interestingly a man sitting in same window as the girls had been in. (Not policeman in uniform, so presumably the dad.)
I hope all is ok. Was I overreacting to call police?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 22/07/2017 23:37

Rather than people questioning why you asked the questions you did my thought was wtf were the parents not coming to the door to see who their young children had answered the door to

That was my first thought too.

My second thought was wtf didn't the OP ask the kids to go and get a parent to come to the door.

sonjadog · 22/07/2017 23:43

I guess maybe the parent didn't realise there was someone at the door, and as no child came to fetch them they were unaware until the police called?

Rhubarbtart9 · 22/07/2017 23:46

OP asked after the parents a couple of times

Oliversmumsarmy · 22/07/2017 23:47

Why turn back and go around the back and knock on the door and chat to the children for 10 minutes asking random questions then not ask them to fetch their parents.
Why waste police time and your own time.

user1495025590 · 22/07/2017 23:53

I wouldn't think twice about a 6 year old opening an upstairs window.I think it is absolutely fine for lots of childen that age and the parents know them better than you
.I don't think you did the right thing interrogating the girls either.On all the safeguarding training I have ever been on this has been strongly discouraged.

user1498726699 · 22/07/2017 23:54

Good God.

OP YWNBU. You did the right thing. Hopefully if someone was at home with them all along, then this will put a bullet up their ass to watch their DC and not let them touch 1st floor windows or open the front door unaccompanied.

timeisnotaline · 23/07/2017 00:02

Op asked after the parents several times and rang the doorbell several times also. It's not a usual situation- I completely see 1. If there are parents here wtf are they doing not coming to the door and 2. I don't want to push these little girls . Yes ideally she'd have said could you go and get your parents please, I just wanted to say hello, but it's also not that normal for little girls not to run off screaming MUM THERES A LADY SHE WANTS TO SPEAK TO YOUUU if asked are their parents there. overall you did completely the right thing.

user1476869312 · 23/07/2017 00:05

I think you were nosy, officious and have too much time on your hands. Practically every bit of advice ever on dealing with children you don't know is that you do not start asking them leading questions or engage them in long conversations without an appropriate adult present.

I bet you're going to ring 101 again and demand to be told what happened, and then there will be another thread about how terrible it is that you basically got told to mind your own business. (because the police will not tell you anything unless you are professionally involved).

SprinklesandIcecream · 23/07/2017 00:07

Maybe the parents can't speak English and hence why didn't open the door? Ideally OP you should have asked the girls for their parents.

However, you reported it to 101 and they took whatever action they deemed necessary. Better safe than sorry. Next time do speak to the parents especially if they are present at the property.

JayneAusten · 23/07/2017 00:22

You absolutely did the right thing contacting the police because ANY inkling of a concern about ANY child EVER should be reported. Full stop. No question about it.

I do find your doorstep behaviour really odd though. Surely it's plain common sense that it goes like:

OP: surprised to see kids opening the door Oh hello! Is your mummy or daddy in?
Kid: Random chat
OP: Oh that's lovely/interesting/whatever. Could you run and get your mum or dad for me please?
Kid: comes out of the door
OP: No sweetheart, back inside. Go and get mummy or daddy for me right now, ok?

Standing in the street quizzing random children about what they had for breakfast is pretty strange.

Oliversmumsarmy · 23/07/2017 00:31

Op asked after the parents several times and rang the doorbell several times also

But she didn't ask for the children to go and get them. She asked if the parents were in.

Italiangreyhound · 23/07/2017 00:59

You did the right thing.

I wish more people would intervene when worried.

Asking questions was fine and right, you needed to know what was going on and you got the children's answers which may or may not have been correct.

If the parents were home they were happy for the girls to play near open windows on first floor flat, open the door to a stranger and leave the home (all be it briefly).

The idea that people who cannot speak English are OK to let their daughters talk to strangers on the doorstep alone for 5 minutes is crazy. You did 100% the right thing.

ImNotReallyReal you cared and you intervened. I am sure you did not make it worse. If you were being abused by the people who were meant to care for you, you would want someone to know. And you made the call. Well done.

Italiangreyhound · 23/07/2017 01:02

I cannot believe people are criticizing someone who did the right thing for the way they did it. Mumsnet has gone mad tonight. Very sad not to support someone who clearly did the right thing, Very petty and small-mined to find something to moan about.

debbs77 · 23/07/2017 01:06

Who cares about whether the quizzing was inappropriate.

OP you did a brilliant thing. Well done xxx

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 23/07/2017 06:05

witchend - the OP says The 101 call handler put it through on a high alert for a welfare visit from an officer.. So we and the OP do know how the police reacted

It's perfectly reasonable for posters to point out that the best way to interact with the children is to ask them tiger their parents. If not, you run the risk of the parents saying to the police that all they are aware of is some random turning up on their doorstep and interrogating their children about irrelevant matters without asking the children to get them.

otterlieriver · 23/07/2017 06:31

The op was clearly trying to present a case of neglect which is possible but best left to the professionals.

elfinpre · 23/07/2017 06:33

Clearly the "quizzing" (perfectly normal questions) was just to find out if they were being looked after or how long they'd been left on their own if the parents were not there. You absolutely did the right thing, OP.

Some very odd posters on here.

Travelledtheworld · 23/07/2017 07:19

OP you did the right thing.

If more people took notice of little things and asked a few questions we would have fewer neglected children, old people found dead and alone in their homes, and terrorists making suicide bombs.

Hopefully no harm done to anyone, and I hope the parents now have that a safety chain on window.

otterlieriver · 23/07/2017 07:24

They weren't perfectly normal questions!

user1497480444 · 23/07/2017 07:27

OP you did exactly the right thing.

As a teenager I was answered the phone to a potential buyer for an item we were selling, she called the police because she thought my voice sounded too young to be home alone. The police came immediately but were perfectly happy to see i was 16, and with my 17 year old brother, no harm done, and no offence taken.

The children were at risk, because of the window. One or both could have fallen and been badly hurt or killed.

Maybe the conversation at the door didn't go ideally, but far better than not having rung the bell and spoken to them

elfinpre · 23/07/2017 07:32

They were normal questions to enquire about someone's welfare.

otterlieriver · 23/07/2017 07:33

But it wasn't the job of the OP to enquire about their welfare and could have got in the way of a 'real' investigation, as well as being inappropriate to children you don't know at all.

user1497480444 · 23/07/2017 07:38

she didn't PLAN to chat with the girls like that, that is just how it panned out,

obviously she didn't set out that day with a script preprepared for the situation of finding two young children in danger of falling out of a window.

It is easy with hind sight to think of "better" things to say, but she was there, she took responsibility for making sure the children were safe, and to be honest, nothing that was said was terrible.

Who knows, if she hadn't intervened, there might be a very sad footnote on the local news right now.

bevelino · 23/07/2017 07:39

OP you were not overreacting to call the police but as a complete stranger you should not have spoken to the children. You asked them their ages and even queried whether they had breakfast.

elfinpre · 23/07/2017 07:40

Good thing she made it her job and prevented a potential accident.

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