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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is too much gin?

85 replies

backtobedplease · 22/07/2017 19:30

I'm getting a bit concerned about how much DH drinks by himself.

Last night he put away half a bottle of gin. A small 70cl bottle, but all the same 🤔 . Not a special night or anything, just an after work drink in front of the telly .

I don't drink much and growing up my family weren't big drinkers either so I accept I might have a conservative idea of what's ok/ normal/ problematic.
But really, I think last night was 15-20 units. By himself. He does this 1-2 times a week and is v defensive about it. Should I just chill out or does he have a budding drinking problem?

To think this is too much gin?
OP posts:
Frouby · 22/07/2017 20:41

I drink gin. I have a 35ml measure. One or 2 measures maybe 3 or 4 times a week. Maybe half a bottle of wine. And maybe a can or bottle of lager.

The recommended units per week thing is actually a random figure I believe. It's not science. If you drink 16 units a week forever more you won't necessarily be less healthy than someone who drinks 2 units a week. Or who is teetotal.

There is lots of conflicting information regarding alcohol. Red wine is good for you. A beer is good for you. Drink all ypur units in one session. Have regular days.off from drinking apart from the medicinal red wine. Drink clear spirits like vodka. White wine is an antioxidant. Never drink. Drink.in moderation. Drink socially. Don't drink socially.

Sigh. It's all a bit much.

I try not to binge. I try and have a few days off each week. I avoid beer as it makes me fat. And more than a half bottle of wine makes me hungover. I like gin.

I think there is so much guilt and angst mixed up with alcohol like food we lose sight of what is ok and what isnt. 350ml of gin every day is probably an issue. Once a week it's a hangover.

BastardGoDarkly · 22/07/2017 20:48

I went to my doctor recently with a stomach problem. He asked, and I told him i drink twice a week, Tuesday will be 5-6 beers, Saturday will be 2 x bottles of wine. He wasn't concerned, I personally think the government guidelines on alcohol consumption are just that,guidelines.

frasersmummy · 22/07/2017 20:54

half a bottle of gin and then driving at 9am.. just no!! He will still be over the limit.

I like a drink but worked too hard for my licence to risk drinking this much when I have to drive in the morning

Wolfiefan · 22/07/2017 20:58

I am absolutely astounded that so many people think regularly drinking that much isn't a problem. It completely is. Massively unhealthy.
Added to that the family history and his defensive attitude to drinking and how he uses it as a coping mechanism and you have a problem drinker. Sounds like he's drunk driving too.
OP you didn't cause it. You can't control it. You can't cure it.
So what do you want to do?

AngelaTwerkel · 22/07/2017 21:00

bastard that's a shitload of booze! By any standard, surely?

Onetedisbackinbed · 22/07/2017 21:00

Half a bottle of spirits on a Friday night at home? I'm not a spirits drinker so
that sounds quite hard drinking to me

BWatchWatcher · 22/07/2017 21:03

3 large gin and tonics and did he had to drive on Saturday morning?
He is drinking his week's units on one go, which is probably categorised as binge drinking.
He probably doesn't know how strong it is because gin and tonic is so light and easy to drink.
Can you have a gentle word with him? If you just flat out say 'You drink too much' then of course he will be defensive, anyone would be.

PurpleDaisies · 22/07/2017 21:04

Your doctor is worryingly out of date on what constitutes sensible drinking bastard.

crazykitten20 · 22/07/2017 21:12

Being an alcoholic isn't about quantity it's about attitude. If this amount of gin is something he drinks once a month and the rest of the time he's not interested in alcohol then he's not an alcoholic. If he can't face an evening without booze then he has a drink problem

TheMysteriousJackelope · 22/07/2017 21:13

That would be a lot to me and DH. I think we used to be around 10 - 12 units a week, then I worked out 12 oz of beer was 250 calories. Cutting my intake to around 4 bottles of stout a week cut my calorie intake by around 2,000, that's more calories than I'd need for a whole day of food. No wonder I was having trouble losing weight.

Drinking like that is expensive too.

Wolfiefan · 22/07/2017 21:18

Crazy it doesn't have to be not able to face a night without booze either. Not all people with alcohol problems drink every night.

Sushi123 · 22/07/2017 21:29

I really don't see the problem here. It's not that much..so what if he wants to get a bit pissed twice a week...he's not being horrible or nasty or wrecking the place..leave him be

frasersmummy · 22/07/2017 22:02

Sushi123...till he kills someones child on their way to work because he is still drunk at 9am

museumum · 22/07/2017 22:09

It's 13 units in half a bottle. He's probably ok to drive at 9am providing it was drunk mostly by 9pm (not if he was drinking most after 9pm!).

I'd be worried if he got through a bottle a week (26 units when the recommended limit is 21 per week).

PurpleDaisies · 22/07/2017 22:11

You're our of date museumum, the limit has been lowered to 14 units per week now.

Bluetrews25 · 23/07/2017 08:11

I can't help wondering how many of the 'it's fine to have that amount, leave him be' posters are having similar amounts themselves?
Massive alcohol problems in this country.

BWatchWatcher · 23/07/2017 08:16

This is very helpful
www.nhs.uk/Livewell/alcohol/Pages/alcohol-units.aspx
Interestingly my bottle of fruity cider last night claimed on the back that women were constrained to 14 units but men can have 21.

FrancisCrawford · 23/07/2017 08:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CockacidalManiac · 23/07/2017 08:36

He does it alone, is quite sneaky about it, and very defensive if I try to talk about it. He doesn't cope well with stress or social situations and when we go out with friends he invariably is the most drunk person in the room and embarrasses himself or me. When he drinks at home it's either because he's really stressed or because he's gone a few days without a drink and it's a treat.

There's all the warning signs. He appears to be following his father's path.

Franticallypaddling · 23/07/2017 08:48

He might also be worried about how much he is drinking himself, especially bad is father is a functioning alcoholic. This might explain some of his defensiveness. Perhaps if you can try and talk to him about how worried you are he might appreciate your support in helping him cut down. Good luck.

BlondeB83 · 23/07/2017 08:54

It's tricky with gin because it goes down so easily!

Kelsar · 23/07/2017 08:55

Hi. Does he have a measurer at home.
I enjoy drinking gin it's one of my favourite drinks. It's a long drink so it can be drunk very easily. But I would say if he gets a measurer then it will make him realise exactly what measurements he is pouring.

Do you drink at all?

LoniceraJaponica · 23/07/2017 09:19

It's depressing how many people on this thread accept that this is a normal amount to drink. I drink gin, but 6 double measures in one evening is a lot and would make me very ill.

Kelsar · 23/07/2017 09:59

I agree it is a lot to drink in one night.
A measurer might help.

Squidge86 · 03/08/2018 16:58

I don’t think he has a problem at all. If he’s doing it every night, then maybe. I drank half a bottle of gin the other night...doesn’t mean I have a problem. Also, you pour yourself bigger measures when you’re at home without realising. As long as he’s knowing what he’s drinking. Him being defensive....hmmmm I don’t know. Is he stressed about something? Have you asked him?