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To get dss some cheap clothes to keep at ours just in case?

75 replies

SharkiraSharkira · 22/07/2017 18:20

Last time dp had contact with dss he came to us in shorts, t shirt and a thin hoody, with new trainers he couldn't walk properly in.

It was cold and rainy that day and we were walking around outside! In the end we had to change our plans and leave where we were early because dss was cold and miserable (understandably) and we didn't have anything else for him to wear. We don't really have much in the way of clothes for dss at ours as he doesn't stay overnight very often and when he does he always brings clothes with him. Dss' mother is very particular about what he wears and prefers him to be in brand name stuff.

We can't afford to buy the brand name stuff she likes but wibu to buy dss some cheap stuff from charity shops/Primani/TKmaxx to avoid him being cold and wet again in the future when he is with us? Dp says there is no point as if the stuff ends up going home with him (to be washed etc) she (dss' mother) will just throw it out. Tbf I do believe this given previous actions but I hope she won't! I do think it's worth the gamble to make sure dss is comfortable when he comes to us. Wibu to get him some stuff anyway or would that be treading on her toes or considered insulting if the stuff isn't 'good' enough?

OP posts:

jarhead123 · 22/07/2017 18:22

I'd definitely get him a raincoat to keep at yours


CoughLaughFart · 22/07/2017 18:22

Stepson I presume?


Booboobooboo84 · 22/07/2017 18:22

Get him some cheap clothes and create a wardrobe space for him at your home so he can leave his stuff there too.


FrogFairy · 22/07/2017 18:22

Keep the spare clothes at your house and send him home in "her" clothes.


LemonSqueezy0 · 22/07/2017 18:24

Has your DH spoken to her to see if there's an issue? If so, and it can't be sorted out, I'd be inclined to get some good basics to keep at yours eg jeans, tshirts, a jumper, and a hoody. They don't need to be sent back to hers, do they? His comfort is paramount.


LIZS · 22/07/2017 18:26

How old is he? Can't you just send him back with whatever he comes in?


toosexyforyahshirt · 22/07/2017 18:26

You could probably deal with this better if his father did more of the actual parenting and didn't just see him for a day out.


MeanAger · 22/07/2017 18:26

Of course it's not UR! His father can buy his own child whatever clothes he likes. He doesn't have to send them back with him.


Huffletuff · 22/07/2017 18:29

Dss used to come to us reeking of smoke from his mother's house. We'd change him as soon as he got to ours, wash the stuff she sent him in and he'd wear our clothes all weekend. Then we'd put him back in the clean clothes he came in.


Gileswithachainsaw · 22/07/2017 18:29

Why on earth Wouldn't you provide him with what he needs at yours.Confused

Why are you letting him get cold and miserable when a trip to Tesco could have solved the problem. Just send him home in the other clothes


chipscheeseandgravy · 22/07/2017 18:32

Sounds reasonably normal to do that. If he gets muddy/cold etc Switch him into your bits, then back into his other stuff before bundling him in the car and sending him back to his mums.
Or ask his mum to send him with some spare stuff and if your going out make sure you have his coat/welly boots if needed.


Riley23 · 22/07/2017 18:35

Honestly he should have some clothes and toys/games/books in his father's house anyway, otherwise how is he meant to feel at home when he is there? So yes absolutely get him some and he doesn't need to bring them with him when he leaves, couldn't you or his father wash them for him?


Fruitcorner123 · 22/07/2017 18:38

Of course he needs things at yours. The clothes he wears when with you are not his mother's decision. I would keep them at yours and your DP should be washing them (is he currently sending things back to him mum to be washed cos that's not very good op?) It sounds a bit like your DP hasn't properly accepted the role of parent for some reason. It's not clear why he isn't staying over or having more contact but your DP is still his father and has the right and duty to make decisions about parenting.


Allthebestnamesareused · 22/07/2017 18:39

Buy some stuff to keep at yours. Wash what he arrives in snd get him to change back into it before he goes home to Mum.


SharkiraSharkira · 22/07/2017 18:41

It was quite strange because normally she is the opposite and will send him in a coat when it's 25 degrees out - this incident just made me think though that we need to be more prepared just in case.

He is 8.

OP posts:

SharkiraSharkira · 22/07/2017 18:45

Dss doesn't stay over much at the moment because dp's work schedule means he only gets one day off. He sees dss every week though.

OP posts:

Fruitcorner123 · 22/07/2017 18:46

Supermarkets are good for cheap clothes for kids you could take him and get him to choose a few bits. He might enjoy it if his mum is controlling about clothes at her house.


Rhubarbtart9 · 22/07/2017 18:48

A rain coat, jumper and wellies. Keep them at yours


Jedimum1 · 22/07/2017 18:51

Get him to choose some clothes from Primark to stay at yours, including pyjamas. Send him back in his mum's clothes.


MeanAger · 22/07/2017 18:54

Why does he have such an un child friendly work schedule when he is a parent? What if his ex got a similar work schedule? Where would their DS live the other 5 days of the week that neither parent could care for him? Did he just assume his ex would pick up his slack?


akkakk · 22/07/2017 18:55

no problem with kids understanding that they have a set of clothes at each place... they can just leave them there and you wash them...


Sushi123 · 22/07/2017 18:56

Hardly the issue meanager!


MeanAger · 22/07/2017 18:59

I would say it's relevant. Is all part of the same issue- his attitude towards his role as a parent. He clearly doesn't see parenting this child as his role. He doesn't see the point in having clothes for his own child, he doesn't arrange his work schedule like most parents so that he can appropriately care for his child. He is opting out of the big stuff parenting stuff.


Emboo19 · 22/07/2017 19:00

Maybe he always did those shifts Mean maybe it's the only job he can get right now!

I'd keep him some things at yours OP, as someone else said, take him on a little shopping spree for a few essentials to leave at his dad's.


Lovemusic33 · 22/07/2017 19:00

Poor OP just asked advice about clothes not her dp's unsociable work hours and parenting, give her a break.

Yes, get a few bits to keep at yours. I used to pick up 2nd hand clothes for my step children to keep at ours, maybe a rain coat, hoody, trousers and a pair of shorts?

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