To get dss some cheap clothes to keep at ours just in case?

[SharkiraSharkira]

Last time dp had contact with dss he came to us in shorts, t shirt and a thin hoody, with new trainers he couldn't walk properly in.

It was cold and rainy that day and we were walking around outside! In the end we had to change our plans and leave where we were early because dss was cold and miserable (understandably) and we didn't have anything else for him to wear. We don't really have much in the way of clothes for dss at ours as he doesn't stay overnight very often and when he does he always brings clothes with him. Dss' mother is very particular about what he wears and prefers him to be in brand name stuff.

We can't afford to buy the brand name stuff she likes but wibu to buy dss some cheap stuff from charity shops/Primani/TKmaxx to avoid him being cold and wet again in the future when he is with us? Dp says there is no point as if the stuff ends up going home with him (to be washed etc) she (dss' mother) will just throw it out. Tbf I do believe this given previous actions but I hope she won't! I do think it's worth the gamble to make sure dss is comfortable when he comes to us. Wibu to get him some stuff anyway or would that be treading on her toes or considered insulting if the stuff isn't 'good' enough?

[Jenna43]

MeanAger Why does he have such an un child friendly work schedule when he is a parent? What if his ex got a similar work schedule? Where would their DS live the other 5 days of the week that neither parent could care for him? Did he just assume his ex would pick up his slack

Who the hell do you think you are? The OP is asking for advice about clothes for a child. What has any of the above got to do with you?

[MeanAger]

yawn. Like I said, threads move on. I feel a mother posted here asking if she should have clothes in her house for her child she sees once a week there would be a lot more said about it than what I have asked here.

[SharkiraSharkira]

The shoes were not too small they were just new and uncomfortable because he wasn't used to them and hadn't worn them in yet!

Dss has 'stuff' to use at ours, toys etc just not clothes as his mum usually sends them.

Thanks Viking, that's exactly it. I just felt bad seeing dss damp and not enjoying himself. I would have given him my coat to use but I was wearing a white shirt that would have gone see through in the rain

[finewines]

Jenna, yes that sounds familiar, children would arrive in something 2 or 3 sizes too small or too big, yet clearly brand new, shoes that didn't fit or were worn out, yet anything we bought that actually did fit, went home to mums and was never seen again. DC always desperate to take clothes home to show mummy, and apparently when they asked to wear them again was told they'd got lost. Funny how all the crap ill-fitting stuff never got lost...

[Jenna43]

MeanAger We don't really have much in the way of clothes for dss at ours as he doesn't stay overnight very often and when he does he always brings clothes with him.

Wibu to get him some stuff anyway or would that be treading on her toes or considered insulting if the stuff isn't 'good' enough?

OP has explained ^ why they don't have clothes(yet) for him at their house.

[SpiritedLondon]

Why is this even a question? Why didn't your DP just go and buy something. Is it because he pays maintenance and thinks that everything should be paid for out of that money?

[Jenna43]

finewines

Yes exactly. I used to even throw the too small tatty stuff in the bin(thinking she'd eventually run out of small stuff) and send them home in the new stuff, and yet the small stuff still kept coming. So after a couple of years had to just stop.

[Tofutti]

As pp suggested, but him clothes you can afford and just change him back into the clothes he came in when he goes back.

I can see *MeanAger'a point. Does the ex get enough child free time? It would surely be better for DSS to have a routine for time with his dad?

[MeanAger]

OP has explained ^ why they don't have clothes(yet) for him at their house.

Doesn't really cut it though. If you have a child you have clothes for them at your house. Anything else is just an excuse really.

[Jenna43]

Doesn't really cut it though. If you have a child you have clothes for them at your house. Anything else is just an excuse really.

They maybe should have had clothes earlier than this but sure they're sorting it out now.

[DotForShort]

YANBU at all. Of course your stepson should have clothes at his dad's house. In fact, I would consider it an absolute priority, especially if he often arrives in unsuitable clothing. I would take him shopping immediately.

[SharkiraSharkira]

Yes she has plenty tofutti, she has babysitters on tap and dp's family as well as dp.

[MyPepper]

I would have some stuff, cheap or whatever your u see fit, for him to wear.
If/when he comes in with clothes that are inappropriate, ask him to get changed, do whatever you want to do and then ask him to get changed again before he leaves.
That way the clothes are staying at yours and you know he always have something appropriate to wear.
Fwiw it could also be a swimming costume to go to the swimming pool, wellies for a walk etc....

[Fruitcorner123]

People are being harsh on meanager in my opinion. The OP says that they don't have the son overnight because her DP works certain shifts but that put together with the original OP does suggest that to OP's DP is not stepping up to his responsibilities. He has an 8 year old, he should know he needs clothes and he should be washing them.

It's no stepmum bashing at all it is querying the father of the child and his input.

[finewines]

Ditto re the clothes, we tried chucking a load of far too small stuff (tshirts that looked like skin tight crop tops, zip up hoodies or trousers that were inches from doing up, joggers that were skintight, etc, yet more would appear. Or things at the opposite extreme, trousers that were 6inches too long, tops the same, but all new. Shoes were the same. It was weird!

[xxproudmummyxx]

I don't get it, why didn't your DP say something to the mother that day, he could have just explained that was too cold for shorts and that he would need a coat as you would be outside??

It does seem like it was a one off situation and you are gently trying to judge the mother.

As a father surely he can buy his son good clothes, don't have to be designer clothes but to suggest to buy something really cheap it's disgusting!

[starfishmummy]

This isnpossibly the boy deciding what clothes he wanted to wear for himself - especially wanting to wear his new shoes - and a kid wouldn't consider that they weren't yet worn in.

[MeanAger]

They maybe should have had clothes earlier than this but sure they're sorting it out now.

Yes... not sure what your point is. I can read the OP and see that is what is happening.

[MeanAger]

Fwiw I have an 8 year old. I couldn't tell you the last time I picked out his clothes. I have argued with him over not going out wearing whatever chaotic combination he has chosen from time to time but it's easier to let him wear his own choice of clothes than deal with the stropping that occurs afterwards because I can't physically force him into the clothes I want him to wear. If he is cold then it's his choice to be cold. You can't really judge his mother for his new shoes not being worn in yet. She can't speed up that process so it is done on time for a visit to dad's.

[SharkiraSharkira]

I/dp don't have an issue with washing anything that comes to us and we have done in the past but usually it isn't with us long enough if you see what I mean.

[Jenna43]

MeanAger

They maybe should have had clothes earlier than this but sure they're sorting it out now.

Yes... not sure what your point is. I can read the OP and see that is what is happening

My point is that you're still moaning and grumping. Have you actually offered the OP any advice or just on this to pick her thread apart?

[MeanAger]

My point is that you're still moaning and grumping.

Actually, I wasn't. I was asking questions. You just don't happen to like the ones I asked.

[MeanAger]

Have you actually offered the OP any advice or just on this to pick her thread apart?

Have you read the thread? That will answer your question for you.

[Groovee]

A few friends have a supply of clothes at their home for stepchildren. They just change them back into the clothes they arrived in for going home having washed them.

[isupposeitsverynice]

Yes buy the clothes. Agree with pp that boys of this age group make bizarre fashion choices so may not be entirely his mums fault - ex is always moaning at me that ds has worn inappropriate clothing but he always dresses inappropriately and will not be told that hail is not the weather for shorts, or that 29 degrees is warm enough to not need a cosy jumper and jacket. I do what I can (I am just grateful the head to toe colour matching has stopped) but I don't understand why ex doesn't just go to primark and get stuff to keep at his for the inevitable style disasters. You'll be doing yourself and dss a favour so it's a no brainer really.