To leave 12 month old for 3 nights to go to wedding abroad

[Jupitertomars]

Feeling conflicted. Shes very attached to me, was breastfed until 9 months (currently 10 months). Wont be sat down unless im literally beside her and wants held constantly so when cooking/hoovering ect shes on my hip.

I do 99% of the caring for her. Feeding, bedtime, nightfeeds, bath time. Im a SAHM and OH works very long hours. Im happy with this.

But im now unsure if im being unreasonable to leave her when she's so dependent on me and attached. She wont be held by anyone else if im in the room and has been this way since 3 months old. Shes extremely aware and has been since she was so young. Since 3 months old shes had stranger/separation anxiety despite people saying she was too young, im 100% certain she has.

She does sleep alone in her cot at night so isn't cosleeping however is rocked to sleep with a song playing so who ever is babysitting could play the song and rock her and therefore shouldn't be too much of an issue. I just worry if day to day she'll be upset or confused without me.

She has stayed overnight with my sister a few weeks ago and was fine which I was surprised at.

Oh and I have been invited to a wedding abroad in two months and if im going I need to book now. Im really unsure. I would love nothing more than some free time with OH but in my heart I dont know if it'll be a waste as I wont enjoy it without her. Or she'll be distraught wondering where ive disappeared to.

She will stay with my mum for 1/2 nights and my sister 1/2 nights if I go (I have still to confirm who will have her and my 5yo on what nights).

Shes never stayed with my mum and sees her once every couple of weeks as my mum is so busy working fulltime and caring for her elderly parents. So I worry about that.

She will stay out once between now and the wedding maybe twice if my mum can arrange care for her parents so she can have her but we dont have much opportunities to have her babysat.

Just really unsure. My OH would go without me if I cant go but obviously it would be nice if I could. Just very unsure and wondered what others thought or have done?

Go! She will be fine

I wouldn't. I wouldn't be able to enjoy it, knowing she was unhappy.

You've got two months to get her used to staying with your mum and sister. She's done it once and was fine- do it a few more times to be sure and go to the wedding!

Yes YABU

Couldn't your sister have her both nights as she has settled with her before?

I would but then a)my baby isn't born yet so don't know how attached she will be and b)in my family it is common to leave kids with relatives and grandparents with no issue

Honestly, if it was me I'd take her with me. I have a nearly two year old and I wouldn't leave her.

Seeing as your sister has had her and she was fine that it might be you who has the separation anxiety.

Is there any way she could go with you?

I had a 2 night work trip just befor my DD was 12 months. She still nurses to sleep and im clearly the primary care giver so i was worried like you.

She was absolute fine, enjoyed her time with daddy those 3 days and 2 nights and slept through boths time after drinking from a sippy cup.

I was an emotional wreck by day 2 :) its as much about if your ready as the baby.

Go! Enjoy yourself!
It sounds as though she will be fine, she's settled for your sister before and you said it tends to be when you're in the room that she won't go to anyone else.
I would ask your sister to have her the full time though and maybe arrange a couple more nights soon where sister can look after her

Given she's been ok with your sister overnight I would say you could leave her but it would be better if she was in same place for 2 nights

Go for it! It sounds like it'll be a break for you, and she won't remember it. It's only natural to feel guilty, but you need time to yourself too

I think that she will be fine as she's with her oldest sibling.

I would go. Sounds like you are the one who is anxious about being apart and that your dd has actually been fine on the occasions
It's happened.

Not dismissing how you feel at all but the reality is that as mothers we almost need to feel indispensable at all times. Two things stick in my mind... dh and I had tickets for a band (booked before I fell pregnant) and spent an evening away from dd when she was 4 weeks old. I expressed milk religiously for a couple of days before hand and had my parents drive 100 miles to babysit Dd was fine.

Then at 12 weeks old I had to start leaving her all day with a cm as I returned to work 3 days a week. Again, I was a nervous wreck beforehand and wondered how I and
Dd would cope. She was fine.

Life doesn't stop once you become a parent. Sounds like the potential for you and your dh to have a great weekend away- go for it

It wouldn't be unreasonable to go, so feel comfortable with the decision you make. However, personally I'd take her with me. I'd only go without her if I could leave her with my DH, and not for that long, either, though my DH does a lot more day to day.

I have been to a no children wedding abroad before, we took dd and made it into a holiday and I attended the wedding without DH on the day while he looked after dd.

I'm sorry but I think a change of care in the middle of the trip would be very unfair on her. One carer or not at all.

Go! She'll settle and probably have a lovely time.

I am biased though, as we're leaving a 5yo and an 11mo with grandparents for 8 days while we go to the States for a wedding

You should go, she'll be fine! It will be good for all of you.

YANBU. Go and enjoy yourself. Have fun being you instead of being mum all the time. She's a year old!

She'll be fine, definitely go. Unless you'd feel so awful leaving her it'd ruin the trip for you.

Thanks for the replies.

Ive spoken to my sister about having her for all of the nights but it means she'll have to take a holiday from work so I wont know until then. Id feel much happier if she was only with her for the full duration.

Also I could take her but it would mean either leaving DS or taking him out of school as its a mid week wedding and also paying for him which may make it unaffordable.

Im also looking at reducing the time from 3 to 2 over nights although the flights are at awkward times to do this.

I would only do it if she was with your dsis the whole time, or if your mum went to your sisters house to watch her in the day while your dsis is at work.

Gosh I'm going to go against the grain but I wouldn't do it. 12 months is just too young in my opinion, and I know I wouldn't enjoy it if I was me.

I wouldn't go. I couldn't prioritise a wedding over my baby.
I also think it's unfair that your sister should use one of her holidays.
Each to their own.

Pressed send too soon. Another reason I wouldn't go is the financial side. If it would be too expensive to take your children I would see it as I couldn't afford to spend that money on me and my husband. I would prefer to use money on family and not spend it all on just us as a couple.